Counter-productive?

Copied from my journal, because it might help some more of you.

So, we all like the counters, right? It's exciting to start up, we can customize it to accomodate our needs and it's fun to watch it, as it's slowly filling up. It's a great tool, that helps us track our streaks and successes. Failures as well. But does it actually helps us? I'm sure when managed properly, it does, but if not, I strongly believe that it keeps us from reaching our potential. I'm gonna give you some ideas about the counter, and you're going to think about it, maybe it can be utilized better.

When I started nofap back in 2013, naturally I used a counter. My goal was to reach 90 days no PMO. I don't exactly remember how much I wanted to achieve at first, but what I do remember is that my first really big success-feeling was reaching 21 days. That was awesome. I already wrote about the three week mark, and I'm sticking to that idea. When I reached it, my idea was to set it up in a way, that the gauge is always above 50%. Why? Because everytime I had a hard time, I could look at the meter and say: "Oh, I'm more than halfway through my next goal. Better not mess it up now."
The point is, that I wanted that meter to motivate me, not to destroy my confidence. I also wanted, to keep it real. There was no point setting it to 90 days first, when my longest try (before nofap) was 22 days or so... I had no idea if I can do it or not.

This is a common mistake. I see a lot of guys not being able to abstain for a week, but their counter is set to insane heights. 30 days. 90 days. Hell, I've seen one guy setting up 1 year on the first try. And he was a sane person, because if that's not crazy enough, I've seen someone set it to 15 years!!! While he couldn't go 2 weeks before! What, are you out of your mind? I'm sorry guys, confidence is a great thing, but not being present in REALITY is a huge problem, and that's why you turn to PMO in the first place, so get real bros.
So, maybe, you want to keep it real. You want to be humble. Set a decent goal. A date that is challenging, but not too much. Like a baby. She can't eat roasted chicken the second day of her birth. She needs breastmilk. As she grows up, she'll be able to eat whatever she wants. In other words: don't bite more than you can chew, okay?
I found above 50% motivational, but you can do it differently. Keep it at above 60%. 70%. 90% I don1t care, it doesn't matter. The important things is, that you have to feel excited that "Oh man, I ALMOST reached my goal, I'm in the finish, I can do this!" And when it turns 100% you say: "I got this man, I got this by the ASS!" Then you set it up for some more. You get the idea.
Thing is, you may not want to care about the days at all, only about the percentage. Yes, now that I think about it....fuck counting the days, just keep the counter above whatever percent you want to.

Advanced level.
Okay, so there is another method, but I only recommend this to experienced nofappers with some measurable success behind their backs. 50-60 days at least. After a while, you may recognize that nofap is not about staying clean for 90 days. It's about a lifestyle change, that is sustainable, goes on automatically, but WITHOUT PMO. Figuring this out is your job. At this point, counting the days is boring. Because even if you keep it above 50%, the meter will fill up goddamn slowly, and that is not motivating at all. So you may want to drop the "stay clean for x days" approach at all. What my suggestion is to keep the counter if you want to, but only set it to count the days since you are clean. Because in the long run, it's pretty good to look at it, and think "Damn, I'm clean for 78 days. Yesterday it was just 77, but now it's 78. Fuck yeah!" It's much better than "Okay, I'm at 77,6%, and yesterday was like 76,8%." Because now 100% means another month or two. That's not exciting at all.

Let the counter serve you, instead you serving the counter. Find the best way to use that tool to motivate you, especially in the beginning. Then experiment. I found what works for me, maybe for some of you, it could work as well, and not so much for others. Just do it wisely.

Stay strong people!

 

Wow ! That feels so right ! Great post man ! Congratulations on your success !

 

Thanks guys, hope I could help.

 

I find if we go into something looking at the big goal at the end instead of the small steps we need to take to get there, we inevitably fail. Concentrate on the small steps.