Constant wrestling with my mind...Is it a relapse or not?

Andrew6000 · Oct 25, 2018

Hello friends!
I've been a porn addict for about 10 or so years. At least that's how long ago I figured I had a problem. I'm 29 y/o. I've been following NoFap here and on reddit and I would usually find help, so thank you all very much for creating a community where I can look for support.
I'm currently on day 16 and my longest streak was around 30 days (reached a few times in my life). I have a very important work trip next week which involves a lot of socializing (and I've struggled with social anxiety and BDD for many years). Keeping myself from porn does help to reduce stress levels and makes me feel more confident. Now, every single day of the past two weeks has been a fight with my mind. And it wasn't the urges to watch porn, it was my mind telling me I relapsed or have failed and lost progress when I would accidentally stumble upon some compromising material on the web. By compromising I mean videos on youtube, some pictures of friends on facebook and what not. I feel like it's irrational but I even avoid looking at any women on the screen, doesn't matter if it's the news, a film, or an add in the store. That's why lately I try to keep away from youtube and facebook as much as possible and don't do mindless browsing like before. Yesterday however, I was at the office and my colleagues were watching what I thought was a music video on a laptop. I liked the music (it was Hey Pachuco - a soundtrack from Mask, and no, at that time I forgot it starred Cameron Diaz) so I went to check what they were looking at. As I came to check the screen, I saw it was girls in rather sexy outfits dancing to the rhythm of the song. I guess it was a video of some theatrical performance (I work in a company that specializes in film and theater industry). I immediately thought it was bad for me, although I had no urges, but since I didn't wanna look like a guy who hates to look at pretty girls I stuck around for about 4-5 seconds (just to avoid questions of suspicion from them) before making it look like I had more important things to do and went away. Now, my mind keeps telling me that I shouldn't have stayed, that I failed and I have to start at day 1. I've been searching for similar experiences this whole morning and even if I do find something, I get a relief that I'm still on track, but only for a short time. I need some help guys. What do you think about this situation?
I didn't feel any rush, I didn't get a boner, I didn't want to watch porn after that and I certainly don't wanna do it now. All I'm afraid is that I gotta start over.... That's the insane part...usually I know it's a relapse when I relapse....like when I intentionally peek at the stuff that arouses me or when I type the name of the website, press enter and close the tab immediately...

Please let me know what you think guys. And thanks for reading through a rather large post.

MusicMakingMonk · Oct 25, 2018

Andrew6000 said: ↑

Hello friends!
I've been a porn addict for about 10 or so years. At least that's how long ago I figured I had a problem. I'm 29 y/o. I've been following NoFap here and on reddit and I would usually find help, so thank you all very much for creating a community where I can look for support.
I'm currently on day 16 and my longest streak was around 30 days (reached a few times in my life). I have a very important work trip next week which involves a lot of socializing (and I've struggled with social anxiety and BDD for many years). Keeping myself from porn does help to reduce stress levels and makes me feel more confident. Now, every single day of the past two weeks has been a fight with my mind. And it wasn't the urges to watch porn, it was my mind telling me I relapsed or have failed and lost progress when I would accidentally stumble upon some compromising material on the web. By compromising I mean videos on youtube, some pictures of friends on facebook and what not. I feel like it's irrational but I even avoid looking at any women on the screen, doesn't matter if it's the news, a film, or an add in the store. That's why lately I try to keep away from youtube and facebook as much as possible and don't do mindless browsing like before. Yesterday however, I was at the office and my colleagues were watching what I thought was a music video on a laptop. I liked the music (it was Hey Pachuco - a soundtrack from Mask, and no, at that time I forgot it starred Cameron Diaz) so I went to check what they were looking at. As I came to check the screen, I saw it was girls in rather sexy outfits dancing to the rhythm of the song. I guess it was a video of some theatrical performance (I work in a company that specializes in film and theater industry). I immediately thought it was bad for me, although I had no urges, but since I didn't wanna look like a guy who hates to look at pretty girls I stuck around for about 4-5 seconds (just to avoid questions of suspicion from them) before making it look like I had more important things to do and went away. Now, my mind keeps telling me that I shouldn't have stayed, that I failed and I have to start at day 1. I've been searching for similar experiences this whole morning and even if I do find something, I get a relief that I'm still on track, but only for a short time. I need some help guys. What do you think about this situation?
I didn't feel any rush, I didn't get a boner, I didn't want to watch porn after that and I certainly don't wanna do it now. All I'm afraid is that I gotta start over.... That's the insane part...usually I know it's a relapse when I relapse....like when I intentionally peek at the stuff that arouses me or when I type the name of the website, press enter and close the tab immediately...

Please let me know what you think guys. And thanks for reading through a rather large post.
Click to expand...

Seems like you've been stressing out about what counts as a relapse or not.
In this day and age you are guaranteed to be exposed to women doing sexy things with or without context, with or without warning, with or without your consent.
If you look at something, even conciously looking a bit longer then you want and you then walk away. That's not a relapse my man. That's a fucking victory. Don't let that shit phase you, it will happen, and it does not matter if you manage to move away from it within 10 seconds.
Don't stress about relapsing or whatever, just keep going, don't masturbate, don't go looking at any sites fully aware of what you're doing, if you see something hot, just shrug and move on.

Andrew6000 · Oct 25, 2018

MusicMakingMonk said: ↑

Seems like you've been stressing out about what counts as a relapse or not.
In this day and age you are guaranteed to be exposed to women doing sexy things with or without context, with or without warning, with or without your consent.
If you look at something, even conciously looking a bit longer then you want and you then walk away. That's not a relapse my man. That's a fucking victory. Don't let that shit phase you, it will happen, and it does not matter if you manage to move away from it within 10 seconds.
Don't stress about relapsing or whatever, just keep going, don't masturbate, don't go looking at any sites fully aware of what you're doing, if you see something hot, just shrug and move on.
Click to expand...

My friend, many thanks for Your reply! You're right, I have been stressing out about what is considered a relapse...I guess for some reason, when it comes to NoFap, I tend to be a perfectionist, and the addiction or maybe OCD (I have that too) turn that against me.... I just got really tired of constant mind battles and decided to register here. Thanks a lot for answering the call for help! I appreciate it. And congratulations on 3 weeks!!!

Mr. 180 · Oct 25, 2018

Just remember that quitting porn is a process.
While it probably wasn't best for you to stick around those 4-5 seconds, it's not like it's a hard reset or completely erases any and all progress you've made in quitting. Don't stress out too much about what is a relapse and what isn't. While it is important, you also have to remember that this takes time and there will be times you mess up.
What MusicMakingMonk said is also important. A standard of what I judge to be a relapse is intention. It seems like you're avoiding the stuff as best you can, you obviously can't decide what your friends post on Facebook. But if you know that material will likely be there and you go to the site for that purpose, that's something else.
Whether it's a relapse or not is ultimately your call, but I can definitely relate to your perfectionist attitude. It's difficult to not be too hard on yourself, especially since the nature of quitting porn requires that you be at least a little hard on yourself, but don't go crazy.

Andrew6000 · Oct 25, 2018

Mr. 180 said: ↑

Just remember that quitting porn is a process.
While it probably wasn't best for you to stick around those 4-5 seconds, it's not like it's a hard reset or completely erases any and all progress you've made in quitting. Don't stress out too much about what is a relapse and what isn't. While it is important, you also have to remember that this takes time and there will be times you mess up.
What MusicMakingMonk said is also important. A standard of what I judge to be a relapse is intention. It seems like you're avoiding the stuff as best you can, you obviously can't decide what your friends post on Facebook. But if you know that material will likely be there and you go to the site for that purpose, that's something else.
Whether it's a relapse or not is ultimately your call, but I can definitely relate to your perfectionist attitude. It's difficult to not be too hard on yourself, especially since the nature of quitting porn requires that you be at least a little hard on yourself, but don't go crazy.
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot for Your answer Mr. 180! So if it wasn't my intention to watch that video and I definitely didn't go watch it because I thought it was porn or p-sub of some sort, I shouldn't worry about it that much? The thing is, I'm really trying to make a difference in my life and you're right - it's a bumpy ride, but it would really suck if I had to start over when I didn't even intend to watch P in the first place, and it wasn't even a thing I would usually fap to, or maybe it was but I didn't really get a good look at it... All I know there were young women and they were doing some Latino dancing, and I hated that I found myself in that situation...
I don't wanna have a false streak and I wanna know what day I'm really at to keep track of things. Since I don't wanna listen to my mind, which You probably can agree will do anything to get us back to our usual "behavior", I wanna know if You would count this as a day 1 situation or can I continue on my 16 days, 17 tomorrow?

MusicMakingMonk · Oct 26, 2018

Andrew6000 said: ↑

Thanks a lot for Your answer Mr. 180! So if it wasn't my intention to watch that video and I definitely didn't go watch it because I thought it was porn or p-sub of some sort, I shouldn't worry about it that much? The thing is, I'm really trying to make a difference in my life and you're right - it's a bumpy ride, but it would really suck if I had to start over when I didn't even intend to watch P in the first place, and it wasn't even a thing I would usually fap to, or maybe it was but I didn't really get a good look at it... All I know there were young women and they were doing some Latino dancing, and I hated that I found myself in that situation...
I don't wanna have a false streak and I wanna know what day I'm really at to keep track of things. Since I don't wanna listen to my mind, which You probably can agree will do anything to get us back to our usual "behavior", I wanna know if You would count this as a day 1 situation or can I continue on my 16 days, 17 tomorrow?
Click to expand...

Continue your streak, you have nothing to worry about.
You're at an extreme standard of what you consider a relapse, you barely saw the women in the video, you didn't want to be there and you left. There was no better case scenario in this situation, but there were a lot of worse case scenarios.
I would even call it a victory!

ifave89 · Oct 26, 2018

I wouldn't worry too much about it. You'll find yourself seeing stuff like that almost all the time. It's something that you can't really never see. But I was just like you. I just decided that I'll never really be able to completly stop seeing them. It's just accidental. No need to panic.

ras-tanura · Oct 26, 2018

I second the opinions that call this a victory, not a reset nor a relapse.

Don't avoid your fears. It might seem smart to avoid the videos/pictures that trigger your obsessive thoughts, but the more you avoid them, the scarier they feel. Instead, expose yourself to your triggers, then try to resist or delay the urge to PMO. You did just that, well done!

Andrew6000 · Oct 26, 2018

MusicMakingMonk, ifave89, ras-tanura, Mr. 180 - My Friends, thanks to You all for the much valuable input! I guess I'm just pretty worried because my job requires me to be social and I love interacting with people more and more when I'm doing NOFAP. When I fail, You know the feeling. And probably the worst would be to fail accidentally, when you didn't even intend to do it. That's why I really wanted Your opinions. Even today I went to youtube and saw a thumbnail with a hot chick on it (it's for a music video from the early 2000s), and I don't get it - it's on my recommended page and I haven't watched any videos like that in the nearest past for youtube to suggest me watch it. Usually I go to youtube to watch political documentaries and to listen to my favorite songs (nothing sexual) when I get drunk at night...and I avoid any songs that have sexual videos, even the ones that I really liked in the past just for the music. Anyway I shut the browser immediately. I'm more at relief now because I read Your posts. I always forget that the world is very sexualized and it's impossible to completely separate yourself from it. Living in the woods would be much simplier, but I'm sure even there my brain would find something to remind me of the life I'm trying to leave behind))
Also, about obsessive thoughts...they seem so real sometimes and it's hard to make a rational conclusion in my mind since it will always find a counter argument. I've met with HOCD in the past and because of my encounter with this type of obsession, I now believe it to be a reason why some of my hair is already gray before 30

Anyway, cheers my Friends!
Wishing You a great weekend!

Andy

Andrew6000 · Nov 11, 2018

Hi everyone! I'm now on 34 days of my recovery and about 4 days ago I started having multiple fantasies about porn. Usually, when I get ready for something important in my life, I abstain from PMO and I don't have any urges until that important event is over. But, when it's finally over my urges are back, which means I get to see my "favorite" things in my mind again that keep telling me to go and "do it". Also, I think either it's the jetlag from the trip that I had recently (it's 13 hrs of flight) or it's the insomnia from PMO abstinence, but I'm having trouble falling asleep which sort of enforces those fantasies too. My question is, am I relapsing every time I entertain those thoughts? I know they are no good since they only lead to more temptation, but I haven't given in to them (not watched any porn on the internet, not masturbated and haven't had any O). Deep inside I don't wanna watch any porn or masturbate, since I want to see changes in my life, but I keep thinking about porn and it feels nice... this is F****** torture...

Andrew6000 · Nov 12, 2018

Guys, what do you think? I sorta feel shitty all of the sudden and I don't know if it's the withdrawals or fantasizing or did I relapse by thinking mental porn? About a week ago I felt almost great (about a month of no PMO), although I did have some anxiety but I was able to go on with my life with confidence...I guess I had to socialize a lot and the more I did - the better I felt... now that "gig" is over and I'm having urges to get back to porn... Are intended fantasies considered a relapse? It's not like I've been thinking about porn for hours, but sometimes when a thought pops into my mind, I don't push it away... I want to have those thoughts and at the same time I realize that I shouldn't drown in them as they will lead to frustration eventually..if not to PMO...

Deleted Account · Nov 12, 2018

I’m so glad I found someone in a very similar situation to me! I’m on the 15th day and I’m reaching a point of high stress, anxiety and depression, especially since it’s exam week.

I personally believe that if you’re accidentally exposed, that’s okay. Just close it down and don’t think about it. I joined a group chat and some people ended up sending porn, but I don’t count it as a fail on my behalf, because it was accidental, they were not deliberately trying to ruin it, and I stopped looking at it immediately. As some people have said, sexually-suggestive things will always be exploited in today’s media, and there really is no way around it other than to draw a line for what’s in your control and what isn’t. I wouldn’t worry about accidental exposure, as long as you know to shut it off and do something else.

To other people who have been experiencing “mental porn”, as they call it, I share that struggle. I find it very hard to stop fantasising about it in my head, but I do at least try. I know that it shouldn’t be happening, and I make a conscious effort to stop it. At times, I do fail suppressing it, but I haven’t actually watched porn, masturbated or orgasmed. I think it is unreasonable to expect that you should absolutely block all sexual thought out of your mind, because it’s impossible. And plus, it’s natural as well. However, to me, I think that if you try and you honestly make an effort trying to stop it, you’re doing well. It doesn’t count, and just keep going. Don’t give yourself an excuse to give up.

Andrew6000 · Nov 12, 2018

Daniel S. said: ↑

I’m so glad I found someone in a very similar situation to me! I’m on the 15th day and I’m reaching a point of high stress, anxiety and depression, especially since it’s exam week.

I personally believe that if you’re accidentally exposed, that’s okay. Just close it down and don’t think about it. I joined a group chat and some people ended up sending porn, but I don’t count it as a fail on my behalf, because it was accidental, they were not deliberately trying to ruin it, and I stopped looking at it immediately. As some people have said, sexually-suggestive things will always be exploited in today’s media, and there really is no way around it other than to draw a line for what’s in your control and what isn’t. I wouldn’t worry about accidental exposure, as long as you know to shut it off and do something else.

To other people who have been experiencing “mental porn”, as they call it, I share that struggle. I find it very hard to stop fantasising about it in my head, but I do at least try. I know that it shouldn’t be happening, and I make a conscious effort to stop it. At times, I do fail suppressing it, but I haven’t actually watched porn, masturbated or orgasmed. I think it is unreasonable to expect that you should absolutely block all sexual thought out of your mind, because it’s impossible. And plus, it’s natural as well. However, to me, I think that if you try and you honestly make an effort trying to stop it, you’re doing well. It doesn’t count, and just keep going. Don’t give yourself an excuse to give up.
Click to expand...

Thanks a lot friend and congratulations on 14 days!!! Keep up the good work bro!
You're right about accidental stuff. I made my peace with it recently, since it does appear everywhere, but I still try to avoid places where I know I might see something I won't like. In my case, the problem is also OCD. I constantly need to reassure myself that I haven't failed or relapsed when I saw something by accident or like recently, when I intentionally indulged in porn fantasies when they showed up in my head. I've read a lot of posts both here and on reddit and some people say it's a relapse while others think that resetting just because I saw some "mental porn" (without actual computer screen, without M and O) is a joke. On my previous streaks (sometimes two weeks, sometimes a month), whenever I used to fantasize and get a boner - I would never even think that I relapsed...however the farther I go, the harder all this BS is...I just wanna know what people here think... since this is the only place I go to for support...
By the way, best of luck on your exams man!)

Log in

Constant wrestling with my mind...Is it a relapse or not?

Andrew6000 Fapstronaut

MusicMakingMonk Fapstronaut

Andrew6000 Fapstronaut

Mr. 180 Fapstronaut

Andrew6000 Fapstronaut

MusicMakingMonk Fapstronaut

ifave89 Fapstronaut

ras-tanura Fapstronaut

Andrew6000 Fapstronaut

Andrew6000 Fapstronaut

Andrew6000 Fapstronaut

Deleted Account Guest

Andrew6000 Fapstronaut

Share This Page