Confused sexually

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Darunia1, Jul 12, 2018.

  1. Darunia1

    Darunia1 New Fapstronaut

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    Hello all. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I only feel comfortable writing it because I feel safely anonymous here. I know none of you are professionals, etc; I am merely seeking feedback and opinion... maybe others are like me, maybe not.


    I have always had intense confusion about my gender. I used to cross-dress when I was a young kid, but I don't very much anymore. I have bounced from considering myself straight to gay to bi to trans in cycles since I first hit puberty. My first and most intensely pleasant sexual encounters were in 9th and 10th grade, when I would go down on my male friend. We did that almost every time we hung out for a few years. He's not gay, but he loved getting BJs, and I loved giving them to him. Then, it ended.

    I have dated many girls and women but I don't feel the same way. I have had sex with women a few times, but it never feels satisfying. I have a very hard time getting hard, and it's intensely intimidating. I don't do it anymore. I can't tell if it's because I'm gay, or just socially insecure with intimacy. I've been on both Grindr and straight dating apps. Nothing ever leads anywhere. I'm too insecure to date men or women. And I don't honestly know which I find more attractive. I find many women beautiful, but I don't know if that's the same thing as "sexy." I have been attracted to both men and women IRL. My personality is definitely submissive, though. If I am into a woman, I want her to dominate me. Which is usually not going to work out IRL.

    You might call me a porn addict. I masturbate 1-2 times a day, most of the time, though I do take breaks. Most of my porn is gay, and it's been that way for many years; it doesn't really change. I kinda get off to the idea of being gay... but I wonder if I'm straight with a gay PORN fetish. What I do, is I'll open a few different pictures at a time--men and women, but mostly men. I can get off to naked men, but I can't get off to just naked women UNLESS I fantasize about being the woman. In straight porn, I also automatically fantasize about being the woman. I want to be the one penetrated, not vice versa. I am confident that I would rather be a woman than a man.

    Recently, I have "come out" to a few friends as gay/bi. The thing is, I have a COLOSSAL, MEGA sissy/submissive/humiliation fetish... I can't be sure I didn't tell them I was gay only because I enjoyed doing so. When I talk to my girl-friends about guys, it's the most sensationally arousing thing in the world. But is this a humiliation fetish to a straight guy, or is this a gay guy being gay?

    That's my confusing sexual situation. I welcome any brave soul who would try to sort if out, or interpret this. I'm 33 now and I still can't definitevely say I'm gay or straight or bi or tans or all of the above. I would like to have some kind of concrete certainty about who I am.

    I won't be offended by anyone's analysis.
     
  2. I don’t think anyone can tell you but I will say from what I’ve seen here on nofap is you will not know your truth while still doing porn. It escalates the more and the longer you watch it. That is what you’ll need to do Stop Porn. After a time without it you will hopefully see your own proclivity.
    Google “Your mind on Porn” you’ll be shocked but it’s a good read. Good luck on this journey. One day at a time Buddy.
     
  3. helpfuldude

    helpfuldude Fapstronaut

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    Firstly, sexual orientation is not always discrete. It lies in a continuous domain so you can be somewhere in the gray area. Some theorists also say that sexual orientation is fluid, meaning that it can change over time.

    I think the most important thing which many people here will agree is that what we watch as porn doesn't always reflect our sexual orientation, thus can make us confused with our sexuality. Best thing you can do is to quit porn, let things move to their natural state.

    Also, you don't have to know your sexual orientation. With real people, you can go with the flow and see what you like.
     
    VeganRights and Deleted Account like this.
  4. ak47_uk

    ak47_uk Fapstronaut

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    Pornhas warped your mind, its simple if you have a nob go for girls
     
  5. Lanius

    Lanius Fapstronaut

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    Ill put it bluntly I think you're having a hard time accepting the fact you are a homosexual.
    The way you talk about your experience with women isn't how a straight man would speak, even if he was slightly confused.
     
  6. helpfuldude

    helpfuldude Fapstronaut

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    Many men with nobs go for men also.
     
    Approaching 30 likes this.
  7. Jack of Clubs

    Jack of Clubs Fapstronaut

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    I agree with the previous comment that said porn has warped your mind.

    The combination of porn and your environment (cultural, social etc..) have completely derailed you from being (probably) straight. The fact you are posting here means you know something has gone wrong, its your job now to face the painful truth and work to undo the damage.

    If you were born 500 years ago, would you be having any of these thoughts? If no, why not?
     
  8. ak47_uk

    ak47_uk Fapstronaut

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    Yes of course they do but it doesn’t make it right. That’s why I said go for girls. Porn has corrupted your mind just like a hard drive you got lot of bad sectors.
     
  9. sherif1987

    sherif1987 Fapstronaut

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    I don't know man. I've certainly had bad sex with women. It doesn't make me gay. I've had great sex with women! It's all about the connection. Everyone in certain societies is obsessed with whether they or so and so is "straight" or "gay". This binary is pretty absurd historically speaking. We are all just sexual beings. Whether you lean one way or the other is based on many factors I'm sure but at the end of the day men are "straight" because they want to be as masculine as possible and the "gay" phenomenon is a celebration of all tendencies to the same sex as a full-on sexual identity. At the end of the day, and historically speaking, there is no such thing, it's in our heads. Of course many things "in our heads" feel very real, social status, race, religious identity, etc. but in reality it's fluid...religion and its influence on society teaches straightness and that is one of the factors that leads ppl to grow up "straight" for example, and then there are other influences that push ppl to think they're "gay", historically speaking, for example in European societies without a strong religious influence that preaches this, few subsrcribed to these identitcal markers...
     
    tiba likes this.
  10. helpfuldude

    helpfuldude Fapstronaut

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    Who's to decide what's right? There were gay people before porn, there are gay animals also.
     
  11. ak47_uk

    ak47_uk Fapstronaut

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    Obviously the Creator decides, the Allmighty. He conveyed his words through prophets and in holy books. How do you know there are gay animals? Even if there are do you not think there is a difference between humans and animals. Let me give you a clue “animals”
     
    Last edited: Jul 15, 2018
  12. SharingTheLoadHelps

    SharingTheLoadHelps Fapstronaut

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    In my humble opinion your sexual life has been guided so far by pleasure alone, not real love. This can be the result of POM. I'd say work on POM first and let nature do the rest.
     
  13. helpfuldude

    helpfuldude Fapstronaut

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    Humans are animals.
     
  14. People who think following rules of behavior will save them do not understand the nature of our God who loves unconditionally. You can not argue with them. They see belief like the Pharisees. Law followers not spirit followers.
    God is mystery and we all are part of that mystery. No better, no worse than any other.
     
  15. ak47_uk

    ak47_uk Fapstronaut

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    Not sure which world your living on but I think you been watching too much planet of the apes
     

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