Hello all. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I only feel comfortable writing it because I feel safely anonymous here. I know none of you are professionals, etc; I am merely seeking feedback and opinion... maybe others are like me, maybe not. I have always had intense confusion about my gender. I used to cross-dress when I was a young kid, but I don't very much anymore. I have bounced from considering myself straight to gay to bi to trans in cycles since I first hit puberty. My first and most intensely pleasant sexual encounters were in 9th and 10th grade, when I would go down on my male friend. We did that almost every time we hung out for a few years. He's not gay, but he loved getting BJs, and I loved giving them to him. Then, it ended. I have dated many girls and women but I don't feel the same way. I have had sex with women a few times, but it never feels satisfying. I have a very hard time getting hard, and it's intensely intimidating. I don't do it anymore. I can't tell if it's because I'm gay, or just socially insecure with intimacy. I've been on both Grindr and straight dating apps. Nothing ever leads anywhere. I'm too insecure to date men or women. And I don't honestly know which I find more attractive. I find many women beautiful, but I don't know if that's the same thing as "sexy." I have been attracted to both men and women IRL. My personality is definitely submissive, though. If I am into a woman, I want her to dominate me. Which is usually not going to work out IRL. You might call me a porn addict. I masturbate 1-2 times a day, most of the time, though I do take breaks. Most of my porn is gay, and it's been that way for many years; it doesn't really change. I kinda get off to the idea of being gay... but I wonder if I'm straight with a gay PORN fetish. What I do, is I'll open a few different pictures at a time--men and women, but mostly men. I can get off to naked men, but I can't get off to just naked women UNLESS I fantasize about being the woman. In straight porn, I also automatically fantasize about being the woman. I want to be the one penetrated, not vice versa. I am confident that I would rather be a woman than a man. Recently, I have "come out" to a few friends as gay/bi. The thing is, I have a COLOSSAL, MEGA sissy/submissive/humiliation fetish... I can't be sure I didn't tell them I was gay only because I enjoyed doing so. When I talk to my girl-friends about guys, it's the most sensationally arousing thing in the world. But is this a humiliation fetish to a straight guy, or is this a gay guy being gay? That's my confusing sexual situation. I welcome any brave soul who would try to sort if out, or interpret this. I'm 33 now and I still can't definitevely say I'm gay or straight or bi or tans or all of the above. I would like to have some kind of concrete certainty about who I am. I won't be offended by anyone's analysis.