Confused by Mixed Signals

I wouldn't let my hopes get too high if I were you.
Sorry

 

I had an experience from the other side of the story. A girl who apparently was really into me was kind of asking me out on dates (she was making really obvious hints that I should ask her out). Although I never was particularly interested in her, out of respect for her confidence, I went with her on 2 dates and flirted with her. After that, she began wanting to go out even more, asking to go on dates every day. At this point, I realized I had to cut it off, and stopped flirting with her/going on dates. She probably thinks I'm giving her "mixed signals" right now. I feel really bad because I think I'm hurting her feelings, but I know that if I go any further, I'll eventually hurt her feelings even more.

When someone gives you mixed signals, it's usually for that reason - they originally thought there might be a small chance you guys are compatible (or thought of you as a backup option), but later realized that you're not compatible.

So trust me - you should continue going to work. The attention you give her should be approximately 75% of what she gives you. It's possible she didn't pay attention to you because she had a bad day or whatever. If within a few days, she's not back to flirting with you, etc., then just drop it and don't ask her out.

Save yourself the embarrassment/awkwardness, and whatever you do, don't ask her out unless she is consistently activley engaged and flirting with you.

 

Yeah. I'm really sorry that you're in such a tough situation. Not feeling loved in return really sucks.

 

I'd recommend hhh999's plan.

Also, this is why I never become friends with girls. Because of situations exactly like this. I like to make things black and white - either we are dating and going to have sex with each other, or we are just coworkers and only talk about work stuff. I despise this "in between" gray area.

Just keep your head down, do good at your job, and forget about this girl. She probably thinks you are friends and she has a right to put you in the friend zone since she is the sister of your friend. I would stop texting her as well, just ghost her

I remember I had a roommate years back while I was in school. He tried to hook up with this girl, and she said " I don't want to ruin our friendship". After this, he never talked to her again, and he said "I never talked to her again, how does she like our friendship now?"

Anyways, don't let this eat you up too much, just move on the best you can.

and yea, maybe she is thinking about it, but in my opinion, if a girl acts flirty, touches me, and then rejects my advances for further escalation, then I don't really have much respect for her anymore and I cut all contact

 

Dear OP,

I have plenty of female friends with whom I have no romantic intentions. Some of them are women who I was initially planning to ask out, but later realized that they had boyfriends or whatever.
This shouldn't stop you from being friends with her. If you give her 75% of the attention she gives you, and she gives you just the right amount attention to be a friend, then guess what? You're gonna end up being friends, and that's perfectly ok.

 

Thank you for agreeing with me, however I don't necessarily agree with the plan of cutting off contact completely. It's ok for OP to be friends with this woman if he wants to. All I'm saying is that he should give her attention proportionally to how much she gives him.

 

I think it’s okay to be just friends with a woman… but if the guy likes the girl and finds her attractive… I think it can induce suffering in the man.. because it’s like he has to hold back from doing what he really wants to do

how did you become okay with just being friends with a girl? I’ve tried it a little bit at work before… but felt a bad inner feeling of disgust with myself

However, if I had a girlfriend who I was having sex with regularly and was completely satisfied with her, then yea maybe I could be just friends with a girl

but if deep down I want to have sex with her, is that really a friendship? Or is it based off a lie?

 

If it causes him pain, it's probably because he still has hope/expectations of getting her to be his girlfriend, and keeps getting disappointed each time he interacts with her. If he apriori accepted that there is no chance of a romantic relationship, but chooses to pursue a friendship solely for the purpose of friendship, then it should be fine (at least in my own personal experience).

I'm single. There are women who I am friends with (with whom I no longer want to have sex with), who I wanted to date at one point. In fact, one of my best friends is a woman whom I wanted to date long ago. Ever since I acknowledged that she wasn't interested in me, there has not been any romantic or sexual tension whatsoever, and my feelings towards her became exclusively platonic.

 

OP - remember that it's possible that she just had a bad day. Continue acting normally (without attention seeking behavior), and see if she begins flirting with you again in a day or two.

 

Thanks… yea I guess for me I never accepted the girl didn’t want anything romantic… I viewed it as like a bad thing.. even like a disgraceful thing… like I was being treated like a neutered dog or something

 

The reality is that women want guys who are a challenge who don't go out of their way to please them. If you are a guy in demand then you wouldn't need to do stuff like bring her a slice of cheesecake from a party... it is kinda like what a little boy would do for his mother...

The likelihood is that she was out on a date with another dude and didn't even remember asking you for a slice of cake, let alone thinking about you. Her reaction says it all.

 

Yeah, bringing her cheesecake is an example of what I referred to as "attention-seeking behavior." However, it's important not to dwell too much on the past, and to focus on not making those mistakes in the future.

This isn't necessarily true. It's good not to make excuses like "she probably has a boyfriend anyway." Otherwise, you'll be like the fox and the grapes.