Confused between being with the woman of my dreams or wanting to fool around

I am really torn.

On one hand I think the woman I am with now, is perfect and amazing. She checks off every box, smart, caring, beautiful, funny. We can spend days together on one end without getting bored of each other. We have so much fun when we are together. She is the one.
On the other hand, I feel strong urges whenever I see beautiful girls on the street, combine it with nofap and it is doubled because you can't satisfy your fantasies with other women through P.

Recently my girlfriend has indicated that I can have space to figure out what I want in our relationship. The first thought was to go and run out and install Tinder and go fool around. I feel so bad for thinking this but I can't deny that these urges exist.

Ideally I would want to fool around a bit and than come back to the relationship. It does a bit like have a cake and eat it too.

I don't know perhaps I am trying to run away from a deep relationship or I really need to fool around a bit so to make it easier to settle. I started being sexually active at an later age 27 (now 32) so many I have some catching up to do.

Would love to hear your experiences and thoughts.

Thank you for sharing

 

Good point, I am not sure. It is the first time I do NoFap.
I am not sure if I have big problems because I was able to stay without for 26 days with not too much struggle. Also in the normal days I would PMO between 2-6 times a week.

 

Thank you Jason. I am confident now but I am afraid sometimes I won't be in the future because of the urges buildup. She was cheated before and her mother as well. So she is doesn't want it to happen to her again.
I trust her 100% and I haven't thought of the fact that she might want space as well.

THe promiscuity feeling is indeed very high and I see indeed the conflicting biological programs.

 

True, I wouldn't let her run around and then come back. The line above is such a great question. How do you know if you are afraid of intimacy?

 

Thank you Freddiefox. I want to be open and honest but before I start the conversation I want to better understand my thoughts and what I want this is why I posted in the forum.

 

Just did some googling:

https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/fear-of-intimacy.htm

All the points mentioned are true...
1. YOU NEVER SIT STILL.
2. YOU ARE KNOWN AS SOMEONE WHO IS VERY POSITIVE.

3. YOU ARE THE STRONG ONE OTHERS TURN TO.
4. YOU APPEAR PERFECTLY PUT TOGETHER. ALWAYS.

5. YOU ARE SURE YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT IN A PARTNER, YOU JUST HAVEN’T FOUND HIM/HER YET.

6. YOU ARE MANY DIFFERENT THINGS TO MANY DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
7. YOU HAVE VERY STRONG OPINIONS.

 

How does this work? The more you share, the more intimate you feel? The less secrets the more love you feel?
I.e how does this work in practice? Sorry if it is a stupid question.

Love this one as well: Being with multiple women is easy because that route doesn’t require you to expose your true self to the point of suffering a truly meaningful sacrifice.

Btw This Guy, I will call my GF up later and tell her about my worries. Thank you for the advice

 

Actually in the past 2 weeks, I have shared more emotional stuff with her than in the past two years. It did bring us closer a lot. I also cried more in the past two weeks with her than in the past 2 years. The last week actually made me think that she might or is the one.

Thank you Freddiefox for caring, appreciate it.

 

Dear Freddiefox & This Guy,

I shared my honest thoughts with her the yesterday evening. I am not sure if it helped but she was very understanding. I explained that I am sharing more to be more honest.

She still told me she is happy to give me space because she really loves me. If you love somebody set them free. I still need to figure out what I want, but I am sure it's not worth the fooling around for what we have right now. I am now going to explore my fear of intimacy.

In short, thanks for giving me the courage to share this with my girlfriend and the intimacy advice!

 

It is more in a lustful/physical way than wanting to be in a relationship with somebody else. I think what Jason mentioned it's like a biological progamming. I am very very happy in my relationship and it's amazing, but yet everynow and than I think about the possiblity of being physical with other women. I don't act on it, I don't fantasize on it, I just think about it when you see an attractive women passing by.