Is your confidence correlated with how vulnerable and comfortable you are with yourself? It makes sense that the less confident people talk less and are more fake about themselves because they fear real SELF EXPOSURE. As with confident people they are able to show their true selves because they are self confident obviously. So is a method to obtaining self confidence simply being your true self? Faults and all ? The more we act fake the more we tell ourselves our real self is unacceptable. Or the more we shy away the more we tell ourselves the social situation is dangerous. So I feel I need to practice showing my real self no matter what now. In order to be my true authentic confident self. We waste a lot of time when we’re being fake, getting into things we do not truly enjoy or spend time trying to impress people. I feel your confidence is in proportion to how real you are. The more confident the more authentic you are as a person.
Acting in a way you think other people will like you for rather than going for and doing what you want / not allowing others the freedom to reject or accept the real you / acting fake / deception / manipulation / hiding your intentions / trying to control others and the situations around you out of fear = The more we try to make others love and accept us, the less they will, and more importantly, the less we will love and accept ourselves. The more we try to feel confident, the more insecurity and anxiety we will create. The more we accept our faults, the more comfortable we will feel in our own skin. People think the best way to succeed in relationships is by playing manipulative games, but it's the person that's the most comfortable with failure and rejection that succeeds (and fails) the most. The more you risk, the more you'll get rejected, but also the more you'll be accepted. The solution to the confidence predicament is not to feel as though you lack nothing and delude yourself into believing you already possess everything you could ever dream. The solution is to simply become comfortable with what you potentially lack.The big charade with confidence is that it has nothing to do with the comfort of what we achieve and everything to do with the comfort of what we don’t achieve. People who are confident in business are confident because they’re comfortable with failure. People who are confident in their social lives are confident because they’re comfortable with rejection. People who are confident in their relationships are confident because they’re comfortable with getting hurt. The route to the positive runs through the negative. Those among us who are the most comfortable with negative experiences are those who reap the most benefits. Vulnerability and self acceptance of where you currently are is a great starting point. It allows you to take more risks and make an effort towards more experience. Repeated competence leads to confidence, but when you're incompetent at something in the beginning it takes repeated courage. The courage to challenge something outside of your comfort zone and certainty. To accept where you currently are, all the things you currently lack, and express yourself in the world anyways. It's not really about winning or losing. It's about putting yourself in situations where things can happen. Where growth and change can happen. There's more risk of feeling hurt and uncomfortable, but on the other side of that there's also the pain of standing on the sidelines wondering what it would be like if you had the courage to show up and let yourself be seen. To gregariously and audaciously reach for something more than your current place. To stop playing it safe and boldly challenge life. To stop trying to control others and situations and just focus on the process of doing what you want, going for what you want, becoming the person that you want to be, and reaching for the life that you want to have. That's self validating. That's developing self worth and respect. That's placing more importance on how you want to live no matter what the outcome is.
In terms of my personal mindset, I've developed myself and my life to a point where I love myself. I respect myself. I have great self worth... but I also don't think I'm anyone special. I know my imperfections. I know my limitations and all the things I currently lack. I accept that not everything will work out in life and not everyone will be interested in me. I have no expectations. Everything positive is more than I expected and I'm grateful for it. This allows me to take more risks. Challenge life more. Gregariously, audaciously, boldly, and daringly reach for more than my current place. To allow failure and rejection more. I'm coming from a place of curiosity. I don't make assumptions or take anything personally. I just do what I want and go for what I want. Sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't, and that's okay as long as I can keep living and trying. I'm coming from a place of already there, enough, complete, and seeing how much further I can push myself in this world rather than coming from a place of lack / scarcity / fear and trying to compensate for it.
I believe living this way is the exact opposite lifestyle and mindset porn wires your brain for. With porn we are technically being “accepted” by these girls on screen, there’s no fear of rejection youre getting what you want without the pain. But life isn’t like that at all, essentially porn is teaching you how not to live. I’ve always been scared to put myself out there but I now know it’s essential if I want to be myself. We’re all unique humans with our faults and that’s what we should be showing. It’s a way of cutting away all of the bullshit, pretending to be what we aren’t. I also believe people that are comfortable in their own skin make it easy for others to do the same around them because they aren’t bouncing around as a perfect unrelatable being. They are not intimidating, they’re just being human as they should be. It’s hard to be yourself around someone that’s like “I’m great and I have no faults” because it’s unrelatable. It’s much easier to be yourself around someone that’s like “I have strengths but I also have faults but that’s normal everyone does” it shows you understand and do not judge making it easy for people to relax around you. Nd that is how I believe real connections can be made and what I will be striving for starting today.
Yes. Imperfections reminds us that we're all in this together. Being real gives others encouragement to be real as well. The desire to never be rejected, to never fail, and to be perfect is delusion. It's being out of touch with how reality works. It's too much brainwashing from tv / film / music / porn / instant gratification escapism. It would be like believing gravity doesn't exist, but a part of you knows that if you step off the top of that building you're going to fall, so you stay in your fantasy world where gravity doesn't exist and you never take action. It's the same with rejection. You believe that you have to be perfect and nobody will ever reject you, but reality doesn't work like that. So you never take action because your flawed concept of how it's supposed to be is clashing with how things really are. Acceptance of who you imperfectly are, where you're currently are, all the things you currently lack, and how reality really works allows you to stop resisting and start taking action. Let go of the story of how you expect things to happen and just find out how it really will happen. The less stories you have between you and your destination the faster and through more opportunities it can happen. Like a gps device that finds new routes if there was an unexpected blockage or detour. If that gps device resisted the blockage and dwelled on the fact that it needs to use that 1 blocked path, then it would never move on and reach its destination.
https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms/dp/1592408419 Daring Greatly by Brene Brown has got this topic down pat in her book. She is my top resource in terms of vulnerability and striving no matter what the outcome is.
Being afraid of someone rejecting you is unrealistic. The chances of a stranger (a complete human being with their own individual journey / circumstances / interests / lifestyle / upbringing / etc) that you're randomly interested in being mutually interested in you is pretty slim. All you can do is meet them half way by going for what you want. The rest is up to other people and reality. All you can do is your best, but what most people do is resist the reality where not everyone will be interested in you with their concept of how it's supposed to be where nobody is supposed to reject them. Accept reality, accept who you are, and take action.
@elevate think I’m going to order that book tomorrow. Just watched her ted talk and see that she has another book called imperfections, have you read that one as well ? Nd if you have, your thoughts ? Might get both lawl.
I'm not familiar with her other books. Just the one I recommended. I'm sure anything she has written will be good for what you're trying to achieve at the moment. Don't just consume those books though. Practice the lessons on a daily consistent basis. Max desire and least attached. Meaning enjoy taking action that makes you proud of yourself more than caring about the outcome. That's all you can control. That's your reality and your business. It's up to everything and everyone else to meet you halfway. Whatever happens you just stay on your path and on your process. Eventually the right circumstances and the right people that resonate with you will fall into place. Let yourself be seen and get rejected faster. Rather than hiding who you are and getting rejected slowly wasting time that you could have spent exploring other options.
