Concerned about relationship and PMO

Hello guys,

I'm new as a user but I have been a on and off lurker

Yesterday, I had a date, with what seems to be for the love of my life, I had known her for a while though already, we had a really tender night, full of contact, cuddling and kissing (more like pecks not making out) but I'm seriously happy and I want make everything great for both of us.

As a little background I masturbated since I was 17 and I'm now 30 to fucking life ruining porn. Around 27 I stopped on and off, my longest streak was 6 months. Recently when I noticed that I had a connection with this girl I'm dating, I immediately stopped, I immediately regreted doing what I had been doing for so many years, I felt angered at myself. I didn't take note when I stopped PMO but I think it's over a month and days, I completely stopped and avoided anything visual to this to the point that I don't even watch TV and browse the internet and just play video games, and decided to go to the gym.

I'm really concerned, because yesterday after all that cuddling, contact, when I came home I noted that my underwear was wet with semen but all that time I didn't feel any erection.

I told her a few days ago, not exactly the issue, but since I had cancer in the last years testicular, which is true and because of that I was unable to perform for a period of unknown time, she was very understanding and said it was okay, she loves me and it could take as much time as needed. My throat became a knot and I nearly cried, because I couldn't bring myself to tell her the truth and leave me for the pathetic person I am.

Help guys, is having a girlfriend make my progress halt? Is there anything else I can do? She is a very caring and loving person and cuddling and hugging is just part of her personality. I'm just really sad I allowed my life to be ruined like this and it just brings me to tears each time. I don't want to ruin this, please help me, even as I'm writing this I'm broken to tears....

 

Thanks for the words everyone, this really helped a lot.

 

Thanks, for the response.

I have known her for 7 years, and we have always have gotten unusually well which people always asked why we weren’t together, we were good friends and for a while now we were harboring feelings for each other and now decided to date.

My problem was that I coped with my depression with PMO, eventually from doing everyday, to once every two weeks or a month, it’s not like I get cravings that I suddenly have the urge to and I must seek it, as other people says and the case for me as well I always fell into it when I’m bored, so I sought to do activities that would distract them from me.

I didn’t realize about what you said though, I hope that it’s not the case but it’s really difficult for me to tell the difference though, that I was probably replacing my dophamine with the relationship. For me at least sex even though it sounds bizarre given that I watching porn is the least thing to do on a new relationship, you shouldn’t get to know someone through sex and instead develop harbor feelings and get to know each other. The reason it concerns me is because she will eventually want to, though you are right, my shame made it to difficult to directly tell her what was wrong with me. She is very understanding and mature , so I will probably go ahead and tell her.

The reason I fell into PMO was because I convinced myself no one would love me for having testicular cancer, after all my girlfriend left me at the time when she found out about it, ironically my current girlfriend was at my side most of the time, I tried to make myself believe that I didn’t need anyone, and if I didn’t feel attracted to anyone then I would never have to be hurt or in pain. I of course sook eventually profesional help, because I was really damaged with that mindset, unfortunately my way to cope with depression st the time took it’s toll on me and this was the result.

I didn’t mention earlier but what I’m experiencing right now is PIED, where I would think I should get aroused but I don’t.

 

I don’t cope with my depression anymore, I realized that my ex didn’t really love me at all and it wasn’t worth closing myself up over it. I rarely get depressed for anything, the most upset I have been recently was because my chicken was served raw, it just was a very weak moment for me when I thought I could die, when you really think your number will be up, it’s very easy to fall into anything. If I found out she was with someone else, at this point I doubt I’ll have any reaction since we are just starting out, it would surely suck, but this is something I have wanted to completely cut off for a while now, this was just extra motivation.

Thank you also for you motivating me to be honest, We will be going out tonight and I will tell her. She was fine with the possibility of me relapsing again into cancer, which I think it’s more severe than this, this was just embarrassing to me. And honestly I believe her, she was of the few people with me when I needed it the most, always attentive, and always visited me when she knew I would be alone or no one was with me.

I will tell you tomorrow how it all turns out.

 

Sorry for the late update.

I went ahead and as advised by GG2002, I told her on Tuesday.

She was.... extremely positive about it, she kissed me in the cheek and said that I don’t need to worry about it, that we can take as much as needed, this really took a huge weight off my shoulders.

I think my PIED was somewhat related to that fear of her knowing, yesterday, when we were cuddling, the good old bob woke up and was hard as steel. But even so, I think I will take time for myself in that sense until at least 90 days as suggested have passed and they feel more consistently.

Thank you everyone for the advice and the kinds words, this really helped me get through.

 

A little update for everyone that may have lost hope like I did at some point.

It’s been a 2 months and a half since I started dating my best friend, everything has been great so far. We randomly did Karezza as some people recommended. Last week we tried to intimate and have sex, while oral lasted a while, penetration lasted like 2 mins, we kept doing Karezza. Yesterday we had real intercourse for a while, the first time I came in 10 minutes, and I had a really strong erection, after a 20 break, we tried again and this time we went on for 30 mins, which at some points after that I started to become flaccid, which I had to finish masturbating while focusing on her.

One thing that really concerned me though initially was that while we were making out, no activity happened from my end, Bob was dead, as soon as she pulled off my pants the ol’ Bob instantly perked up.

Things that helped was to really focus on her, watch her eyes and reactions, clean my mind of any other thoughts than her, considering I was on PMO for over 14 years I feel like yesterday was great. Of course, the weight off my shoulders and her being very supportive really helped

I imagine that me loosing my erection even though I was super turned on is very likely effects of PIED right?

 

This is probably my last update on this site, thanks everyone for your kind words and advice.

I spent the last weekend with my girlfriend, mainly doing couple things, cuddling, watching Netflix, anime, playing video games, building a puzzle, it was the most amazing weekend.

In retrospect, when I started this relationship with my best friend, I was scared to bits, I was scared that sex could ruin it because of course I knew I would be unable to perform. But the sentimental connection made everything better, even sex.

Both Saturday and Sunday we had intercourse, once on Saturday, and four times on Sunday. Sunday was pretty wild as everything seemed almost normal, all these times I was able to maintain an erection just fine, on the fourth time even she got so tired because I was able to mantain penetration for so long, that she rolled over bed and broke my glasses (hahaha), she was scared to hell but I told her not to worry, it was worth it, we were both really happy, I felt my connection with her on every sense and angle significantly improved.

It’s been 13 years since I fell into this addiction, and I can finally put this behind me, like several people has said in this forum, find someone you can love, rather than aiming with hookers, focus on your girlfriend and clear your mind of any other thoughts.

I was really difficult but it was worth it, do not loose hope, and thanks for the words and motivation everyone.