Compulsive masturbation due to trauma from sexual abuse/rape when I was a child

I was sexually abused as a child. I may have been raped as well because I have been preoccupied with my anus and have been fantasising about anal penetration since childhood. Since I learned to masturbate I was masturbating all the time, in front of people, in public. I would take off my clothes when I was a toddler and start masturbating. When I was just 13 years old I was putting household objects up my anus. As an adult I find it very difficult to say no and have very poor sexual boundaries. I have fantasies about being raped, and having people anally penetrate me without my consent. My biggest problem is compulsive masturbation, because I am trying to quit my porn, masturbation, and orgasm (PMO) addiction. I start masturbating without thinking about it sometimes. Whenever I start to get a few days going in NoFap I randomly start fapping for no particular reason at all. I am addicted to the idea of sex and find it very hard to resist masturbating. How can I solve this problem?

 

I understand completely. I too was abused, maybe raped. I’m very anal erotic as an adult. PMO for most of my life. Finally trying to get a grip on it.

 

Sorry to hear this, guys. I've heard that therapy can help, and do remember that none of it was your fault. You are trying to improve your lives and I guess that it the first step.

 

I am also having a trauma. Idk if someone abused me, but I see two people naked ( childrens who are playing) and i start fantasizing about it and doing fap in my childhood. My question is, as a child how did i know about pleasure from penis. And there i am suspecting somebody abused me too. So that's why i get the knowledge of fapping.


FYI at that time i was doing prone masturbation. I was lying in bed and moving the body so that i get pleasure as a child. I still remember, some people see that, me doing this and as a child, i felt no regret about that.Now i feel guilty.

This all give me a fucked up life and i am fucking the life ever since that. I lost everything, i am always trying to escape but eventually i fail.