Completed 30 Days!

YEAH - 30 Days completed in hard mode.

I'm in my mid-40s. This site is just what I needed - the explanations of the reboot process have been compelling and motivating - esp as it relates to how to restore the brain to “factory settings”.


Summary of my PMO usage historically:

Between 2003-04: Probably 4-5X/week.

Between 2005-2008: This was where I started realizing I have a problem and discovered about porn addiction. But sites like this were not prevalent and lacked the detailed info on dopamine, etc. I did Reduce usage by starting recovery and doing some healthy things (see below).

2008: 115X
2009: 78X
2010: 92X
2011: 74X
2012: 69.75X
2013: 96X
2014: 89X
2015: 73X
2016: 95X
2017: 102X until hard mode reboot started 0n Oct 30, 2017.


The above shows I was using PMO on average between 1-2 times per week for the last decade plus. Big improvement over 2004 where it was 4-5X per week but did not fully stop obviously. For the last 5 quarters, usage has gone up by over 15 percent+ — this has been my alarm to look for a different way to address this addiction better - found YBOP and this site.

The benefits of recovery efforts since 2005:
Fighting actively against this addiction over the last 12 years has resulted in some very positive outcomes like regularly going to the gym for over a decade (I’m fit and trim, and weight less than my target), meditating daily, cooking 3-4 times a week for the family, expanding friendships, and being a strong parent. Since PMO recovery requires us to get out of isolation And consistently do other things, these lifestyle developments DEFINITELY helped reduce PMO usage significantly. The issue in my case has been that I let it still stick around in my life albeit reduced - as a result I have not enjoyed the full benefits that are possible and the places I’m using PMO are where more development is needed - my sensitivity with wife is one of those problem areas that I have not dealt with adequately. And those, as described by folks who fully rebooted, are huge.

My longest abstinence since I started logging was 8 years ago - about 35 days. At the time, did not realize 90 is what is really needed in a case like mine. With my new education here, this time has been a much stronger committed reboot and I’m very clear on what needs to happen on my part and why (brain reset timeline).

Tips I learned from this reboot, which is going strong so far:

1. I have started this reboot with the expectation that this process will NOT be easy and will require very strong discipline. Obviously with the many starts and stops in recovery, I know too well that urges can flare up at inopportune moments. This expectation has been greatly helpful in NOT fearing the urges, esp when they get intense. As a result, I’m operating with so much more confidence and a mental approach that allows me to tolerate the urge while working on the deeper things to address certain emotional areas in my life that need more work. It helps a bunch to have others who understand at this site.

2. Equally important: I've been very sincere about wanting to give up P in my life - that was not the case before.

This reboot:
Things were actually easier than expected for the first few weeks of this reboot due to the above. There were some intense urge windows here and there but they didn't persist too long....until about day 25. That's when really intense urges started to emerge and stick around -- I had to knuckle hard at times and it was difficult to concentrate on other things when isolated, like at work. I used cold showers, slept on my back and really worked on changing thoughts when I caught myself mentally fantasizing. The thought control is a biggie that I want to get better at. Finding that wandering sexual thoughts are a potential urge starter. My prior recovery efforts probably didn’t develop the capability of changing thoughts fast enough.

I did a ton of reading of this site and YBOP to stay motivated, which immunized me to urges somewhat on a short term basis. I spent more time reading than I did on engaging in P prior -- but, since my initial goal was just get to 30 days hard mode, anyway possible, this is ok short term. Now, I plan to recuce time on recovery materials, so I don't become too dependent on time consuming reading to manage urges.


Reboot Outcomes after 30 days:
- Pride is sky high and that is probably improving confidence
- When urges are not popping up, feeling deeper peace
- Way less irritable and on edge with wife than prior
- Able to be more in the moment with toddler and tolerate his mood swings easily. Very happy about this since it means better connection.
- I think concentration is increasing - not totally sure yet
- Patience increasing
- Happiness that I’m doing the right thing and know that it isn’t easy.
- Physical: Fat reduced in belly area since reboot. I'm fit, but that area hit a plateau and just got better!

The one thing that has not drastically improved and that I hope will: reduction in marital stress from my reactions and sensitivity to wife when she is frustrated or upset.

For those of you that are younger reading this (if this helps even one person, great!) - please know, based on my long recovery experience highlights and lowlights, this site has the right info to motivate COMPLETELY stopping PMO. You are doing the best thing for your life by a total elimination of watching P as soon as possible. My recommendation is just commit hard to getting this artificial stimulant out of your choices. I definitely regret I let this persist so long - my approach of incrementally trying to reduce gradually was not effective for this specific addiction. In the end, all you need to get is that PMO impacts the brain and the kind of effects lead to not meeting your potential in just about everything in life. In my case, this includes big career opportunities missed or fell short, serious problems in my marriage communication (PMO can be a killer here), not being able to fully network professionally with the confidence needed, too much irritation and impatience with loved ones (because PMO promotes immediate gratification and selfishness rather than patience), and focus hits. Worst of all, it manipulates the reward system in multiple ways - I definitely can see that now. It’s also an insidious addiction in that it compels one to subtly make bad life choices that support keeping the addiction alive in non obvious ways. Unfortunately, the info available and studies even a decade ago were not nearly as detailed about brain impact as is now being reported. I'm sold that its not worth what happens to your brain and want to reverse as much as possible urgently -- looking forward to meeting my 90 day goal and giving up P for good.

 

Vxlccm - much thanks on the encouraging reply. You are awesome in support.

FYI for anyone reading this thread: I have been keeping a weekly journal of my progress on various goals around work, health, family goals, plus also monitoring weekly PMO usage since 2005.

Though I have intended to get rid of P since 2005 when I recognized this was an addiction, I clearly (based on the data above), succeeded at reducing to a lower level from pre-2005, but failed at eliminating it. The problem with my prior approaches was again, trying to incrementally reduce PMO usage with the hopes it would someday get to zero. The data shows it worked for a few years, but started going the wrong direction. Bottom line is PMO elimination requires a different process than incremental in my case, and probably most everyone addicted to it -- and recognition that what works with caffeine and sugar reduction doesn't necessarily translate as a formula for eliminating P. Reading YBOP and this site got me educated on why, and that the right way is hard reboot.

Unfortunately, it has taken ridiculously too long (decade plus) to finally figure out the effective solution. Let me be honest with myself too and those of you reading this: Deep down inside I enjoyed PMO and was not sincerely ready to let it go 100% until recently when I got very real about the consequences this has had in my life. Its become clear that P usage is basically like what a computer virus is to an Operating system, but to the brain - it can impact everything negatively from relationships, to work, to focus, to time, to patience, etc.

Let me also repeat for those of you fighting P even if you haven't totally succeeded yet. In my case, the fight since 2005 has been worth the effort, and yielded some great outcomes: a decent savings due to good investments made, lots of formal education, good health and fitness, fantastic friendships, better family relations, a great kid, some notable awards, and though in a far from perfect state, I'm still married. But, it could all be a magnitude better without P (esp marriage and career) - so no more time to waste & that's why I'm so highly motivated to reboot the right way moving forward.

 

Well said Reborn16!thank you!!