do you guys think it is more effective to go cold turkey or wean off P and PMO? it seems like weaning is more effective because its hard to give up a habit from one day to the other. maybe thats why when we relapse we feel nasty, guilty, ashamed, etc. i was watching P and PMO on a daily basis, today so far its been a non-issue even while i lie here in bed. the thing with P is that you dont watch it in moderation. you binge watch and binge pmo. back to my assumption that it is better to wean off. instead of going cold turkey because when i relapse watch out, i think ill wean myself off P. this week instead of everyday, ill do it every other day. each week ill add another day until i get to no days in a week. also would it be beneficial to use social media as a support? i mean like use KIK when one of us feels a relapse coming on. we could call for "help" to get immediate support. let me know what you guys think.
I disagree. When drug addicts go cold turkey, it can be excruciatingly painful for them and they can even die (I'm referring to opium addicts, I don't know if this is true for other drugs, read 'Chasing the Dragon' by Jackie Pullinger). This is because their bodies are dependent on opium. They literally need opium to physically function, hence they are addicted. Porn, however, is different. We consume porn through our eyes, unlike any other drug. Dependency on porn is part of addiction but it is a different type of dependency. It is more in the brain than the body. The fact that our bodies don't develop a dependence on porn is very good. Also we can't overdose on porn. This is good too, but porn is still the worst drug ever in my opinion. As I was saying, going cold turkey on porn has no risks associated like physical drugs would, so why would you do anything else? Deliberately watching porn at spaced out intervals will not help you reboot, it will probably make it harder, due to the chaser effect. If you had the self control to pull this off you probably would never be addicted in the first place. Any consumption of porn is harmful to you. You need to forget about it and go cold turkey I say. Or frozen turkey for that matter. It will be hard. But it will be amazing. Good Luck !!
I would say that our bodies DO develop a dependence on porn. Otherwise, how could we be said to have an addiction? The substance we are addicted to is the neurotransmitter in our brain - dopamine. Without massive surges of it (through PMO) our bodies show classic withdrawal symptomology. The reason this is so hard to overcome @Rubidium is because there is a physiological dependency to our "fix" or getting a porn "hit". But like all addictions the craving escalates and, over time, we require more and more porn (and/or more and more extreme and taboo porn) to obtain the same dopamine surge. Furthermore, @Rubidium, porn addicts overdose on porn all the time! What else would you call someone that isn't satisfied to masturbate for fifteen minutes to porn, cum and have an orgasm? Rather, they edge for several hours! This provides the largest possible dopamine release - a complete overdose! I have done it, perhaps you have. It is horrible to feel trapped.
I agree, any addiction or bad habit requires "cold turkey" to conquer. Obviously the more you are addicted, the worse and harder it will be to stop, but weaning yourself off slowly doesn't work. It's like saying your cutting out eating sweets, but then you make it just cookies & cake, and you're still eating candy bars etc. Even though you are doing without something you crave, your body is still getting the sugar, therefore you're not really accomplishing anything.
You could do that but I'd recommend a slightly more 'hard' approach, for you want to be hard on your addiction, and not pander to it......I'm also assuming you've tried hard mode and lapsed a few times. So why not try 1 day without, then 2 days, the 4 days, then 8, then 16, then 32... etc etc etc? You may see the addiction, or should I say the urge, wither and die altogether on one of your extended streaks. This has been my experience. Oh, and I should say you only have the option to relapse on the marked day. If you don't need to, then don't. The positive part of this is if you experience the urge before the 'due date', where it is permissible to relapse, you have to hold on until that date... you then build resistance. I am only on day 8... but looking for a streak of 48 days. Why do I have zero urges now? Because I have built resistance over the course of my streaks [in sig].
i rather like the idea of settings days to relapse. it will be like running track, the days to relapse will be like the hurdles. i decide if i jump the hurdle or avoid it. i think after MANY years of enjoying multiple hours a day of P it will be very difficult to just go cold turkey. while going cold turkey may work for some it may not work of all. addictions are different for every individual. my goal isnt to go from PMO everyday to go to 90 days without PMO. its like expecting a drug addict to do the same. ok so my 1st hurdle will be tomorrow. pray that i go around the hurdle.
That is a good point and I've used that with some other habits I've broken. Going from every day, to every other, once a week, once every 2 and so on. I just never found that it worked with porn. Setting small goals does work the best, instead of saying "I'm done forever", say "I'm done for today" etc.
I've had success with telling myself that I will let myself relapse on a certain day, all the while knowing that I won't. I normally tell myself a time between one day and one week, but sometimes I will even go by the hour. "Just one more hour, and then you can relapse." Then I make it through the hour, and next time an urge strikes, I tell it, just one more hour. Then I continue this. The reason cold turkey is so hard, is because the idea of never doing pmo again is daunting. It's much easier to reduce how much you do it. The biggest danger with weaning yourself off is that you can easily get stuck in a rut where you're "comfortable" with your "progress," but still addicted. The method that I suggest is to blend the two, so that you don't have to face quitting all at once, and you still get to quit all at once. If you can hold out for just 10 more seconds, then you can hold out for the rest of your life. Sometimes you just need to take it 10 seconds at a time though. Most importantly though, restructure your life to be the person you want to be. Don't just white-knuckle your way through the urges, distract yourself. There's no need to engage with the part of you that wants to relapse. Just ignore it. EDIT: In short, I'm saying, tell yourself that you will, just to quiet that voice in your head that says you should, but don't actually do it. Don't believe yourself when you say you will pmo, don't prepare to, just tell yourself you will later on. And then don't. It's just a mind game that has worked for me. I am completely against the idea of any kind of weaning. Do or do not. There is no try. If you fail, get back up, dust yourself off, and move forward.
You're playing a bit of semantics here. Yes, our brain are part of our bodies. And it might be harder to function without that dopamine release, but when giving up porn your body will not shut down from lack of an outside chemical. and in technical terms, "overdose" ONLY means that you have a major physical malfunction, causing death or requiring immediate medical attention. So you cannot overdose on porn unless you have a heart attack in the middle of it.
So how has that been working for you over the long term? I think I've heard you, or someone else, talk about this plan before. "every other day, then every third day." But now you're talking about letting yourself relapse after just waiting an hour after the urge hits. That's not recovery at all. It also sounds like you keep on having to go back to "every other day" so you're not really making any progress.
the only sort of weaning off that I think is reasonable is letting yourself masturbate without porn, because if you stay away from the thing driving your masturbation then the frequency will decrease, and the urge will decrease. Every person is different, but I think a lot of PMO-addicts, ones with no history of PIED or DE, would be served just fine even if they continued to masturbate occasionally, maybe even daily, as long as they never used porn or binged.
Here you go again @BobDobbs! You say, "the only sort of weaning off that I think is reasonable is letting yourself masturbate without porn". Please stop peddling this erroneous nonsense all over this website. People will not be "served just fine... if the continue to masturbate occasionally, maybe even daily"! If you want to masturbate daily and sabotage your own recovery do what you want. But please do not gather a load of disciples to follow you - that is out of order!
I just hate your one-size fits all model. Different people have different goals, and different ways to reach them. The biggest thing I counsel is avoiding despair. How can you say it is bad advice to NOT sink into depression and binging after a relapse?
@BobDobbs while i respect your input it was not needed to sound so defensive. I never attacked you or anyone here because we are all in the same boat. Next time you address me or anyone else do it with some respect.your plan to stop pmo is not a cookie cutter plan either. Have a blessed day..
this is a very difficult question to answer as everybody is different but i guess you must do whatever works best for you, the way i see it you have already achieved 3 victories so far, 1 on your own you realised that you maybe addicted to porn and that your not happy with how its affecting your life negatively. 2 on your own you joined Nofap to seek help and advice, because you want a better life free from PMO. 3 you are asking important questions to aquire the knowledge of how best to proceed in your battle against PMO. be proud of yourself that you have made it this far, as for weaning off porn well try it, if you think its working for you and you feel better in your life then great, but you will need to set a serious end goal because if you enter into a cycle of neverending weaning then you are still pandering to "a porn habit" and you put youself at risk of constant relapses, but like i said do what you think is best for you but keep in mind that the end goal will have to be a life without PMO. Im not sure if your single or married but to me the end goal is becoming a person that simply doest watch porn anymore whatsoever, that way you can enter into a proper relationship or marrige and have a great sex life with a loving partner, if you are still weaning off porn at that stage then it could really mess up your relationship as the addiction will still be lurking in the back of your mind and it will diminish your attraction for your fuutre wife/girlfriend etc. ive tried weaning and it worked as far as i stopped watching porn but still watched sexy pop stars etc instead or used my imagination, but this process is still ongoing and while i feel very proud that im staying away from porn im still not fully rid of the unhealthy behaviour of M in front of a screen, at the end of the day you will have to try cold turkey if weaning does not work for you, you just have to dig deep and ask yourself do you want to be still weaning/viewing porn into your old age etc either way just keep on trying and dont give up hope! peace.
This is a good strategy when you first start out and are in the throes of your addiction. You build resistance, even though you may relapse at some point. The steaks become longer, the desire wanes, until you find yourself one day recovered, only spending a few minutes here, before going off to watch your favourite western.
That's not what I'm suggesting at all. I'm saying tell yourself that you will, just to quiet that voice in your head that says you should, but don't actually do it. Don't believe yourself when you say you will pmo, don't prepare to, just tell yourself you will later on. And then don't. It's just a mind game that has worked for me. I am completely against the idea of any kind of weaning. Do or do not. There is no try. If you fail, get back up, dust yourself off, and move forward.
im not looking at the days when i give myself permission to PMO o P as rewards for the days that i dont. i just know myself to know that if i dont have those days i will binge for hours. my record was 7 PMO in a day. so to give myself permission for just one PMO if i chose to, i dont see it as a step back. im sure there will be days that i just dont feel like PMO on my given day.if i dont use that day it doesnt roll over to next week, this isnt tmobile. for me its more of disconnecting the urge to O to P than to just JO.
