Co worker female

That’s not a bad plan… do you know if she is single or not though? Or any other info about her?

 

I think two things.

#1. Quit porn first. If you're not at least 90 days clean, consider yourself mentally and socially compromised.
"But Meshuga, porn doesn't affect me that much, for that long."
Yes it does. Porn puts you in denial that porn affects you. Have you ever been drunk? The drunker you are, the more confident you are that it's not affecting you. "Aaihm jus' a lil' bit buzzd. Aaihm phhhiiiinnee," you slur, and take out your car keys. Porn is the same way, but for longer. Porn makes you stupid and crazy and above all, selfish. You are not your best when you are stupid, crazy, and selfish. You will probably leave a bad impression. Practice being your best.
"But Meshuga, I can't stay clean that long."
Then you don't get to date. You don't meet the minimum requirements, you don't qualify. That's your motivation. Get serious about getting your addiction under control. If you need help, and I mean developing real systems that help keep the urges down, I have ideas.

#2. When that beautiful day comes when you meet the minimum requirements, don't mess around. Do your homework. Make sure she's not already in a relationship, and be prepared to hear "no." Roleplay it in your mind, what you're going to do if she says "no." Be prepared for hard "no" and soft "no." Be prepared for "thanks, but I don't think coworkers should date." Be prepared for "I'm not in a good time in my life right now." Be prepared for "What? Oh, I'm sorry I- um. I guess, sure (I'm offering a pity date)." But at the same time, don't mess around. Tell her you enjoy spending time with her at work, and you'd like to buy her a coffee/beer/dinner/whatever level you feel is comfortable and appropriate. Let it skate from there.

But quit porn first.

 

Then you're not there yet.

Also, if your broad brush opinion of women is that "girls lie a lot" and you already don't trust her to tell you the basic truth about her relationship status, just don't bother. It's okay to struggle with trust because of past relational trauma where you were lied to. But if you're already entering a relationship assuming this (really enormous) lie, you're either not emotionally ready for a relationship or she has given enough red flags that she is not someone you should pursue.

 

What happened if you spend 3 months with her, become crazy obsessed with her and then she rejects you.

The next day you will see her at work.
And the next day....
And the next day....

 

Again read my former post, and think TWICE!

 

What is this statement based on? What makes you think girls in their 20s are serial liars? You should examine this before considering a relationship. Is this based on reality or the media you're consuming? Is it based on women you're interacting with (such that you should consider changing the dynamics of your friends group)?

The answers to these, even after the 90 days, will help reflect whether you are ready for a relationship as well. There's a maturity and relational health factor at play here. Why date someone you don't feel like you can trust? What would be the motivation of dating them? Is that a good motivation for pursuing someone?

 

You should definitely wait until the middle of September, no question. But you're getting a lot of good counsel here. Roady supports a good rule of thumb; dating at work can get weird, especially if things go sideways. It can also get weird if it doesn't go sideways, if you're spending more time flirting instead of doing your actual jobs; that's annoying to customers, to your other coworkers, and to your employer. Some guys have a hard "off limits" rule about dating coworkers, same as if it were a friend's sister, but both of those are personal choices and those can work out if both of you have the maturity to make it work. But CrushedandLeaving's observations are even more relevant. If you think she's lying, you either don't trust her or don't trust (young) women in general. You shouldn't even think about dating a person you don't trust. Why would you do that? Only if you're out to use them, for an ego boost, or for your own recreation. That's a terrible basis for any relationship, and you don't want to get in the habit of doing that, because it makes you a worse mate when someone you do trust comes along.

 

Has she given you any signals that she likes you as more than a friend? What is the exact interaction like when you both are together at work?

How did she say "that's not my boyfriend" when she responded to your question?

I think she will make it obvious if she wants to have a full-on intimate sexual/emotional/relationship like experience with you..

But describe things more, its hard to make a judgement call off so little information

 

LOL. like what happened to me. what i can tell "6 months younger me" is whatever i've done/thought and whatever happened makes that now i can't even look her in the eye... nothing extreme i was just acting weird and unbalanced and she became uneasy as she should. i certainly did not feel good about our relationship even though it's what i was trying to tell myself.

i am not sure i have learned the lesson contained in that yet... but for me that was certainly not the good moment to date a nice girl at work.

and then rejection...
and then the next day...
and the day after that...


BUT THAT'S JUST ME! i don't know you and you might have different mindsets than i had. there are lots of married couples in my company, but as an unreliable porn addict i would think twice. now i don't know if "think" is the right word for that situation though... ... be mindful that... ah nevermind i wanted to say something about porn but i haven't worked that out in my life unfortunately... :'(

 

Any update on the girl from your work OP?

 

Asking her to workout with you is a great plan. Could just be friendly, no pressure, get to know each other a little better. You're a clever guy and I like your style. You should 100% do it, you miss every shot you don't take. I've never one regretted a shag, but I've regretted pussing out of shags. Go for it bud.

 

You can, but always be prepared for rejection. If you don't think you'll handle the rejection, then don't even try.