Chose or be chosen

Hey,

So last night me and my friend went to this club and some chick started taking to me. She was foreign so kindda a language barier. Anyway she was mid not really the type of girl I would usually frequent. Of all the time she was talking, in my head it was such a drag to even speak let alone try something. And today that little situation got me thinking. I am tired of being someone's choice. Why dont I have energy to chose someone for a change? Why do I always go the easy route and be with someone who isnt that great to me? I guess I do have that complex of feeling inferior for some reason so I dont even try talking to girls that I find appeling. Part of that is fapping, for years i try to quit but its just so damn hard. So now I am in a faze of stepping back from dating and all that since I was in a relationship for almost 2 years. I am trying to focus on myself mostly, yesterday I went to the gym after a year, did leg day and now I can barley walk. Other than that I have an okay job, pay is good, I am saving some money to buy my first car. So yeah I am not in a such a bad place. I just want to gain energy, confidence and not to feel so damn numb. Other part of me not wanting to engage a conversation is that I already know what is going to happen and how it ends. I mean what can most girls offer nowadays other than the obvious answer? Not much unfortunatley. And I am not trying to me an ashole that does not respect girls. Im just saying how things are today. In my last relationship it all came down to the same loop. Wake up, go to work, after work you have to dedicate time to her and that time is usualy shitty spent by watching tv together or whatever, have sex, sleep, repeat. And I hated that so friking much. Everytime I wanted to do something different there was an argument, everytime I wanted to have time for myself, there was an argument. Everytime I wanted to fix our relationship, there was an argument. So at the end of a day what did I get from that relationship? Experience for sure.
I mean yeah I guess some people just want to have casualy sex without any responibilities and thats fine. I did that to some time ago but its just not me. I cant pretend and force conversations about nothing. So I rather just fap away I guess. I know that is a wrong mentality but I just dont see any point in all of it. Its all the same. Point of this thread is to see if there is someone who feels or has felt the same as me and did you manage to change something?