Cheated On My Wife With A Kiss

Wow! It must feel like the whole world is on your shoulders at the moment. Guilt, anxiety, stress, addiction, loneliness. That is a lot of negative emotion to be dealing with. It must feel exhausting. And depressing.

However, there ARE upsides to your story. Here are the ones I have noticed.

1. Your wife forgave you. Hopefully with support and understanding. But the fact is, it sounds like you confessed in the hope of it splitting you 2 up rather than bringing you together. That sounds like your addicted brain in action. Your addicted brain is telling you that if you can get rid of your wife then all these problems will go away. You can spend your WHOLE time PMO without feeling guilty. Your wife, who isn't addicted, has a better view on life and has thwarted that plan. She sees there is something worth fighting for. That is a good sign.

2. You came here and wrote about it. You know there is something wrong. You know you need help. And you are hoping this is the place to find it. Certainly there is a very good chance that you can find it here. Read as many posts as you can. Learn from others both about what they have also gone through and what has helped them get straight.

3. You said no to this other woman. You know it is wrong and you clearly respect your wife, hopefully even love her enough to know that cheating on her is wrong. Plus you saved yourself from being responsible for this other woman's own crisis.

This is what I see. You feel you have a lot of responsibilities; for your marriage, for your family, for your mother. You are feeling all the pressure and none of the pleasure. You have been a PMO addict for 14 years. Your mind is numb from it, your body too. Your addiction is corrupting your relationship, demotivating you and trying to maintain constant control over you. There is only one solution to this.

Quit PMO

That is it. For a long term solution there is no other option. If you continue to PMO you will continue to be controlled by your addiction and be constantly under the crushing weight of stress and guilt.

My advice is,

1. Go to http://yourbrainonporn.com and read everything.
2. Make a commitment to quit PMO. State it here. Draw a line. Get a counter and start from 0. Aim for 30 days. 30 days is just a fraction of your life. A first step.
3. Start reading as many posts as you can here. There are lots of stories and solution embedded in so many posts. You will find many that you identify with and will help you find answers.
4. Embrace your wife. Be intimate with her. You don't need to have sex if you do not feel ready for it. Just hold her. Hold her hand. Look her in the eyes. Kiss her. It doesn't even have to be a passionate kiss. Just show her that you are there. Don't look for fireworks, just find the flame, the connection. Nurture it.
5. Do something fun. Go out for a meal. Go to the cinema. Go for a drive. Go for a short holiday.
6. Keep coming back here and keep interacting with people here.
7. Quit PMO - I've said it 3 times now. It's important. That addicted part in your brain is really getting scared now. Don't let it lie to you. Don't let it dissuade you. Don't let it try to postpone this. Quit. Now. Say it.

Good luck. I hope this has been of some help.

 

Sorry, did I miss your counter? I see it now. Almost 2 days down already. Stay strong. If you find yourself in any difficulty literally leave the room you are in. Just leave. Find a window and look out of it until the urge has passed.

Well done and good luck!

 

Yea man, congrats on telling the other woman no, and fessing up to your wife immediately. I honestly don't know if I would have been as strong in that moment as you. I went all the way with a girl at a party once when I was in a serious relationship. I never spoke a word of it, but it ate me up inside and I eventually ended the relationship... I try hard to avoid those situations, because I don't trust myself to handle them as well as you did. That is just awesome! Keep it up!

 

I know how you feel. Today was different, but usually my wife and I aren't very connected, and there are several issues in our relationship. But I've been with her more than 15 years, and I just don't understand how you are in a likewise situation in less than a year.

And sorry for being sceptic, but I don't buy for a second that your only problem would be your porn habit. Because I damn well know that it is not the problem, but a means to escape, like drinking would be in another situation. Your problem is in your relationship, and your porn habit is just a way for you to vent that alienation from your spouse.

If you are disconnected that soon, I don't undestand how it could get much better. Why are you in this marriage anyway? Do you think you can learn to have a happy and meaningful life with a person you don't feel like loving?

 

I'm sorry this happened....
But I feel similar in my relationship. When things are on the rocks, I think about other men aside from my bf. It's normal I think. We just have to remember WHY we chose our significant other. Flings are just that and at the end of the day I love my guy because when I come home, I know he'll be there for me and he loves me. So kudos to you for being honest but maybe you and your wife can do something together to remind each other why you married. Most people don't just marry ANYONE. There had to be something special. You just have to find it again.