CHATURBATE ADDICTION

Hey guys, I relapsed today and last night and this is weighing me down so I want to put it out there and if any of you have the same issues you can share your input.

I've been addicted to porn since I first saw naked women on DirecTV PPV from Playboy when I was 13, I'm 14 now. I'm addicted to seeing naked women masturbating solo. I know this sounds kind of "vanilla" but it has really affected me negatively. I'm too anxious to approach girls so I've always relied on being approached since I was elementary school and I've passed up tons of opportunites. Fast foward to 27 years old I fell into weed addiction and also tried cocaine a couple of times. I'm now 3+ months sober living in spain which has helped because of the quarantine. I've also been with prostitutes, probably 20 or so and 90% of them gave me "girlfriend material" service which also got me hooked along with porn. I have not been with one for 7+ months.

Furthest I've been on nofap now has been 3 weeks and I'm stuck in a rut. I also do not watch anything else besides chaturbate girls section and I go to like the least visited girls and tip them like 10 tkns and they do anything for me. So now I left other addictions and this has me hooked. Anytime I see money in my account I'm just thinking about getting girls to do what I want for little to nothing, but it adds up for me. Also the quarantine won't let me interact with other people or meet women right now since I'm not from Spain so it makes me desperate.

Finally, I have a son that will be born in about a months time from an ex-girlfriend and I want to be the father that he deserves. I feel fucked up. I don't like bogging others down with my problems but this is something I just had to share.

Thanks for reading.

 

To be honest, I have not. Although my goal is to get through NoFap and see women in another light. How´s the group working for you, and what are you dealing with?

 

Yeah man, it´s horrid considering it´s more towards the soft core porn but it still screws you up nonetheless. I feel as if I´m posessed by a demon to tell you the truth. As if I don´t control my body...

@RobbyGo36 , thanks for the input. I´ll try and see what I can do. Currently I´m broke again so I dunno why but I´d rather be broke and know I can´t buy tokens than to have a lot of money and go crazy. I´m going to do my best, hopefully next 30 days will be the breakthrough from hell.

 

UPDATE MAY 30, 2020

So I until yesterday I had a 7 day streak going on, and lo and behold last night I relapsed. I edged and didn´t release until it hurt af and woke up as if I had done 5 lines of coke. The only difference is I don´t feel tired since I didn´t release but I felt really shitty. Am dealing currently with the high after affects of wanting to bust a nut to pixels and I hate it. I will still continue the battle against this demon.

 

Yeah I know lol, my ex girlfriend was a cam girl and she´s pretty fucked up. At the end of the day we´re all puppets to all these big corporations just making zombies out of us.

Yeah, honestly could care less for the women behind the screens just as they don´t care for me, I just have an addiction to feeling as if I have dominion over them when they do what I want. To be honest, I´m tired of it, I want to be a dominator IRL. I´ve had girls just offer themselves to me and because of this shit addiction I´ve been too scared to jump the gun. Anyways, enough of thinking poorly, lets kick this to the curb and WIN!

 

Well I´ve been told by girls I look like a fuck boy and they think I´m getting laid every night by different woman. A "player " if you will, but on the contrary that´s just looks, as most of the time I´m too awkward to speak to females first haha. So in response to your question, yes I would rather want to be getting laid consistently and not prefer pixels. Although, in the long term both are bad but honestly I´d rather be that guy then a dumb self pleasing imbecile.

In the end, I want be a humble guy that has a wife and is loyal but I just love women lol. In any case, in terms of winning first off I think I need to pray to God and perhaps I´ll kick this addiction and of wanting to be player. Objectively, removing all social media especially instagram which triggers me with those skimpy models. I´ve tried blocking porn websites before but it never works, it´s ridiculous. I hate modern times, I really do...

Goal: PMO free JUNE

 

Yeah let´s just say I´m a really classic guy, I love old school stuff. Since I was a victim I fell victim to porn since I was a little boy I´ve been attracted to women fervently so this was the devil´s way of capturing and stealing this. In any case, I recognize that I stray further from God if I keep chasing my sexual desires and I´d rather be a man with a clean heart and pure intent than a lustful demon. I hope to succeed and you too.