Can't stop.

I can't stop. This sucks. I just wish I could say no. I need professional help but I can not afford it right now. I found psychologists near me that deal with porn addiction. I wish I had the money right now to go see one of them and get over this habit that has ruined my life. I guess until then I can do things that are healthy for myself and do my best to say no. 10 minutes of my breathing exercise twice a day. Start eating healthy. I am going to go buy probiotic supplements today. I have been doing some reading about gut health being related to mental health. Going for walks in the park. Reading. Drinking my holy basil tea that I bought yesterday that did wonders for my anxiety. Cold showers. I should pray a 54 day rosary novena to get the help and healing I need. One thing I am struggling with is sitting around doing nothing. Not having the motivation to go do something. It is getting better. Maybe if I can continue to only have small falls if I fall I will slowly get better. I am just always so tired. A healthy lifestyle should help with that. I am starting a new job Saturday and am going to ask if they will sign up for a trade. I will start making more money and can maybe afford to start seeing a professional in the summer. I need professional help and there is no shame in that. That brings tears to my eyes. My parents were so hard on me when they found my porn growing up. Yelling and screaming at me and slapping me in the back of the head. Calling me a pervert. That hurt so bad. To talk to someone about watching porn without them harshly judging me would probably do wonders for me. There is a lot of unresolved pain in my heart. I have made a lot of progress there. God, please help me help myself. Please bring people into my life who will affirm me. Please help me get to a place where I can get the help that I so desperately need.

 

Yeah. Reading, singing, playing my guitar, piano and writing music. I will be sure to do those every day too. Thank you.

 

I think it is music. I will pray about that some. Thank you.

 

Thank you. I had a priest I went and saw on a regular basis up until a few years ago. He moved away. I did have a priest offer me his business card in confession one time recently. I should take him up on that. Thanks.

 

Hahaha Thank you. That's great. I will look it up next time.

I started getting tempted earlier today. I had read somewhere that a guy holds his breath for 30 seconds. I tried that. Worked like a charm. Haven't had a temptation since and that was a couple of hours ago.

Yeah. My motivation to stop is knowing that on the other side of it is motivation to do all the stuff I have wanted to do. Get myself back. To feel like a human again. Been over 25 years. A lot of stuff started happening to me around the time I found PMO. Marks dropped. I was very outgoing and all of the sudden I became very afraid of people and could not figure out what was wrong with me. Lost interest in things that were interesting to me. I want my life back.

If the holding of breathe fails I will try googling penis fish. Hahaha thanks for the response.

 

Will do.

Thank you for responding.