Cant see the line between P and real life at the moment

Ive posted many times in the last few days but ive hit a massive relapse. Triggering material ahead, id avoid reading if youre easily tipped off.

Ive been non stop fapping to

Spoiler

bbc white girl hypno and cuckold

like ive never before, my dick hurts and theres not even semen coming out of it anymore but im still fapping, its pathetic but I seem to not care and still continuing.

I just watched this one vid and it really messed my head up, (Trigger ahead, its graphic).

Spoiler

.a bbc vid with loads of clips, close ups, contrasted, humiliating captions saying, all women mainly white, are designed to be attracted large dicks, with time and enough sex they all become whores who only want pleasure and animalistic sex with giant bl*ck dongs, and more humiliating caps, it rips apart your masculinity and confidence and shit

Sorry, that was extremely uncomfortable to type but shit reading that was kind of shocking. Are women actually like that? Wtf, Im having a hard time processing this.

Im having a difficult time hating porn rn too and without the hate and despise I keep going back to it. Even had to cancel my therapy session today bc I was too tired from all the fapping last night. On top I have acute ocd which keep bringing these thoughts and scenarios to my head nonstop.

Ive seen some people on other website saying how they tried to quit this genre and fetish, even went on months of nofap only to fall back into it harder and eventually accepted that this is who they are.

Spoiler

it gives me anxiety thinking im a beta male but also arousal watching this type of content

i fuckin hate that this arouses me. Fuck sakes, now i feel like im just in denial about all this. How is shit like this even legal? Im trying to end this relapse on a vanilla P video but I keep watching the fetish stuff and havent been able to stop

Can someone give me some clarity and motivation to quit? This is so embarrassing to even post, i even kept watching homosexual scenes in the vids, wtf. Can i ever be normal again? Im worried this is just a part of me now

 

I took a shower and resetted myself. You are right, fapping so much in 2 days has sucked all my vital energy and mental capacity.

 

Man, having a barely average tool dosent help either, the hypno stuff i watched specifically targeted the Pp size factor to make an average man feel as pathetic as humanly possible. I cant lie though, even before porn Ive held this same view about women to some degree that they want har*core s*x with big Pps or they will leave because of this ive passed up a few chances in the past of getting with a girl due to insecurities about my own size. Perhaps my view was flawed from the beginning, im trying to not let those videos get to my head but jesus christ they are really traumatizing and potent. Wish I had never watched them, cant help but feel they just made me realize im not as manly as i thought.