Can't Escape Sexual Thoughts

Well in terms of the short term just relax, take a breather and if you feel an urge, get outside for a walk again and for god sake don't take your phone on a walk, just enjoy the world around you and get lost in the sounds. I have given myself some pretty serious rules about my use of the internet and I think everyone who is getting started at this needs to do so to. I'll give you some guidelines on how I feel you need to deal with this, the seriousness of the issue needs serious commitment, you are powerless to this so I suggest:

1. No half measures
This thing has you gripped, it's not going to disappear one day and you'll be fine, you've got to work for it and give your all to getting through it, if you don't it will always haunt you. So don't take any half measures, don't allow yourself to make excuses or just take a peek, you've got to be in the fight 24/7!

2. Get rid of your smart phone (I said no half measures)
Smart phones are amazing, they open our world up to so many different amazing quality of life apps, information that we wouldn't know and instant messages to friends, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Tragically though, they close people off from the real world, maybe not everyone, but many people find themselves sucked into their phones and never looking up (I mean just look around you on the street or in public places). For porn/sex addicts, it is no doubt the case. One minute we're just relaxing, then BAM there's an urge, and within 30 seconds you can be looking at all the sexual material you ever wanted (as you just described), any fetish, any body type or even specific people. It's hell for us, it makes it too easy for us, and that's why it needs to go. NO EXCUSES!

3. Find a group or a person to help you
I think for me the best thing I have done is join my weekly SAA (Sex Addicts Anonymous) group in my city, it has opened me up and made me for the first time see other addicts, not just read about them over the internet. A place like NoFap is brilliant and supportive, but I think getting together face to face (or over Zoom as it is currently) is game changing. Seeing the faces of other people with your problem, some over it and some still struggling just give you some motivation, you can see there's an end and you can see that you're not the only one. On top of that it gives you a simple program to follow, a way of realising how far you've delved and the things that led up to it, plus any actions you did whilst gripped in your addiction that you are ashamed of all with the help of someone just like yourself.
If you don't want to reveal yourself that's fine, I am joining weekly phone meetings as well, they're available for all and there's no discrimination there, no judging, you can say your piece and listen to others knowing that it's all confidential and anonymous. I would highly recommend the face to face meetings though if you have one in your area. If you do join a group, swap numbers, call people daily or less if there aren't enough people to call 7 days a week, and get yourself a sponsor straight away. Just have an open mind.

4. Exercise
No doubt you've heard this over and over, or read it on here, but exercise is a great way to help overcome addiction, and also just great for your mental health period. For me there's no better feeling than waking up in the morning, not wanting to get my arse out of bed, but making myself do so and go running for miles, pumping some weights or working on cardio and abs based workouts. Another one that I can sadly not do right now is Swimming, for me I adore swimming and can't wait to get back to it, but be warned you will see people half naked, so that's something to consider. Exercise is great in a pinch too, doesn't always have to be strenuous, but when an urge is coming you get your arse up and start moving, flail those arms, kick those legs, get yourself on the floor and do some press ups, just work yourself and don't stop til you feel a bit more clear headed.

5. Tell someone
If you haven't already, I recommend talking to a friend, maybe multiple friends, even your parents. Addiction thrives in secrecy, we kind of enjoy that it is ours, but when you expose it you drag it out of the place that makes it so powerful, your own mind.

6. No half measures
Yeah I'm saying it again, you can't do this unless you go all in, it will be too hard and that I guarantee. I have fought for 6 years and still I am fighting, but I am always learning every step of the way what is right and what is wrong for me. Can't use the PC when your alone without urging? Move it somewhere else with other people around or you can be seen from outside, otherwise if you live with parents, detach your ethernet cable or wireless adapter and give it to them certain times in the day, or just always and only take it back if you really do need it. Can't use the internet without an urge? Then block sites with the many apps out there, if you don't have the money to pay for them then a good one I recommend is Leech Block, it's free and although you can access it, you can make it harder or impossible by giving someone else the chance to set the option password, then you're never changing the blocked sites. You don't trust yourself even when you're using the internet with all these problems out the way? Then get an accountability app, it does cost money though and haven't found one that hasn't, but you can have that lingering feeling there to scare you that someone else (who you trust of course) can see everything you are going on, not a nice thing to know if you are like me and aren't proud of your past history.

This all may seem like a lot of work and I get it, I kicked and screamed at the idea of doing things such as these when I realised I was an addict, but the fact is it will not go away on its own of take half measures, you are stuck with this for life. If you aren't willing to give your all for this then there's only one place you will end up, back to watching porn or doing some other sexual thing of which your addiction has escalated to.

I hope these help, there are more things that can be added to them, but I guarantee you will need to go this far, sorry to be the one to break it to you. Good luck and if you need any information or advice just drop me a message.

 

Deliberately think other thoughts. Right now the part of you that doesn't want to act out is in a passive mode, by deliberately engaging in it and allowing it to express itself you'll have another voice instead of just the addict voice that wants to act out.

Also since you are working on losing weight and being more healthy my bet is chances are you're not just dealing with the thoughts, your body and nervous system is likely not 100% - my guess is you feel sluggish maybe. It's good your walking, without getting into any details on a basic level it's about moving your body and your mind. When it comes to our mental activity breaking out of a repetitive loop is key. There's a thread that is about why people don't want to be addicted to PMO anymore, coming up with your own reasons and different ones is a great exercise. Basically writing, and don't stop at like a 1-2 sentence statement, try to fill at least a small page.

 

It's great that you didn't let this urge get the better of you, especially since it seems to have been pretty intense. Every time you overcome an urge, you're teaching your brain that the immediate response to an urge does not have to be to surrender to it.

That being said, a common piece of advice is to try to remove yourself from the places/situations in which you most commonly get urges. It sounds like solitude and isolation is your trigger, so I would recommend spending time in semi-public spaces, around friends or family, or just anywhere besides alone in your room.

 

Get this book james clear habits from amazon.. will make you understand on your habbits... i Have been reading it an has help me to improve

 

Also just say to yourself in the mirror reject reject, porn is not good for you. I don't need this. I don't need to waste my good energy on this urge