Can’t get a hard on and want to regain my confidence.

I don’t know why it’s happening but whenever I see a real naked woman(my gf) in front of me, I don’t get that hard and it doesn’t give me that excitement which I used to get before. I have been consuming porn from like 10 years now and stopped it 6-7 months ago. I have PIED and I’m fighting with it. I feel that urge to have sex sometimes, but I don’t feel that erection. Whenever I kiss a woman or touch their b**bs or touch them sexually, I don’t feel that heat inside me which I used to have. It feels so bland that I don’t feel anything.
Please help me out with this shit, I’ve started to get depress because of this. Whenever I kiss a girl, it seems like I’m just kissing them and not feeling that heart pumping fast or my body heating up because of that intimacy building up. I want to feel those things just like a normal person does. I don’t get a full hard on when I see my gf naked in front of me, it’s kinda lumpy and I cry because of that.

I have started abstaining and it’s been 3 days now. I’m not feeling any major urges though and I feel that this time I can do this because it’s not only about sex which is motivating me, it’s my self esteem and my self confidence which motivates me more, so that I could be more manly and due to these issues I feel like I’m a cuck and enjoy that fantasy, which is very disgusting for me. I don’t want to feel and act like a cuck. I am good looking, 6 ft tall, above average build, girls like being around me, but I don’t have that confidence to hold a conversation and make a solid eye contact. I can’t maintain an eye contact with any random girl I pass by. I get scare and don’t feel confident. I don’t want to maintain an eye contact with any girl because she’s beautiful and I want to impress her and eventually sleep with her, I just want to regain that confidence that would make me a proper man.

So please help me out guys, if these things happens with you, how did you heal yourself and how much time did it take to heal yourself? Other than abstaining what other things did you do to increase your confidence and that boldness in your voice? I usually get nervous around girls, but I don’t want to feel that way. Please give me some tips for these things.

 

No it’s not like that, I have masturbated in this time period but not to porn.

How is it ego driven, I didn’t get your point. The thing is whenever I kiss my gf I don’t feel that intimacy building and before her also it was all the same. But I was not like this 6-7 years back. Whenever I used to be near a beautiful or attractive woman, I used to have that sensation inside me and my heart beating fast. But now it’s not the case. I don’t feel those sensations. I want to relive these moments and get out of this gutter once and for all. It’s not about my pleasure only, I feel that the porn has made me emotionless and I don’t feel excited to many things, not only intimacy but almost everything. It feels like I’m dying from inside. And about that eye contact thing, I feel like it’s more of a confidence thing and I’m an extrovert type of person but when it comes to girls I don’t feel that confidence inside me.

I feel that boldness very attractive myself and you can sense confidence in someone’s voice when they’re speaking. It’s all about personal preferences, there’s nothing like a fake alpha-male. The definition varies from person to person and everyone wants to acquire some characteristics that they feel attractive.

And about that playa culture that you’re saying, I mentioned in my post that I don’t want to make eye contacts with girls to get them to sleep with me or anything sexually.
I am a 1 woman man and will continue to be the same. I feel having a confident body language does get you to a very good position in life whether it be your career or your personal life. And it’s not just limited to “Eye-contacts”, I just used that as a reference.

You misunderstood my whole post, but it’s okay because it is kind of complicated.
But thanks for the reply.

 

Yeah it’s totally understandable. It’s not your mistake tbh, it’s a very sensitive topic and people do misunderstand this.
What about you? What are you dealing with?

 

So did you also not feel any warmness or breathlessness while being close to a girl?
I used to have these feelings when I was 16-17 years old and now I’m 24 and do kot feel anything at all.
I know I love that lady so much but emotionally I feel so low and disconnected with her which I don’t want.

I’m totally getting whatever you’re saying and I started this thing way back but failed miserably and started to M again. But now I think it’s the time to control my mind and do the needful, It’s not only about her, even I feel disconnected with my family too and I sometimes cry due to that. Sometimes when they call me, I don’t pick up the call and message them later that I was sleeping or I was in the class. My mind feels so tired to even talk to them and it’s really heavy on me. These things are killing me from inside.
I used to watch a lot of incest porn and it took a toll on my mind and I started to imagine my family in a porn scene but I instantly gave up those thoughts and began to slap myself. I hate myself for thinking all this shit.

So it’s been 3-4 days that I haven’t masturbated and I’m going to meet the LOML day after tomorrow and will spend a lot of time with her. But I don’t feel that spark and heat between us, I know I’m so much attached to her but porn has made me like this that I don’t think anything other than sex and sexual stuff about women.

Yeah thanks for the advice. I really think this is the only way to bring myself alive again. Right now I will be aiming for 90 days without PMO and try to inculcate some good habits like exercising and having a good diet. So maybe it will help as well.
Wish me luck till then and do share some tips about abstaining and what were your triggers and how did you overcome those?
I will really help me to cope up with my situation.

 

So how much time did it take you to fully recover? And do you feel those sensations now? Like the warm body and goosebumps or do you feel something else? I’m just curious to know what happens with other people because I can’t feel a shit.

Yes that’s my whole plan. I need to divert my mind from all this shit and do something productive and love people around me.

 

Now as I am meeting her day after tomorrow and will try to be intimate with her, would it be considered as a relapse or would it hinder my progress in any way??? Because I just want to continue this journey of NoFap with all my power and eventually surpass this shit whatever is happening to me.

And thanks for the reply, it was really motivating, 6 months seems a very long way to go but i feel I am going through a flatline already because I have almost very low to 0 libido at this point of time, and I think this is a positive sign, right? But it's been 3-4 day only that I've started to abstain, no I am also not sure if it's flatline but it does feel so. i am thinking a very less about porn and sexual fantasies which were 24x7 in my mind before. But I am also feeling very sleepy and low energy and I feel like not doing anything, but I know all this would pass on its own.

So once again, thanks for the help and the motivation will keep me in this game for a longer period of game. Hope I will get to my goal asap and regain my libido, emotions, feelings and hopefully my life too.