So I know this is a huge guy thing and ladies i’m not sure if it’s exactly the same.. I’m having a huge hard time adverting my eyes from really attractive Woman at work. I’ll be starting a new position where I won’t have to see customers as much. But it’s just like I have this feeling to look especially blondes… I’ve been attracted to ever since Middle School. Could just be how my brain is wired right now with sexual thoughts. It just sucks… When I was at my old job, I socialized, was friends with managers that were attractive. I had a previous girlfriend back then and my feelings weren’t this haywire, like I had passion and self dignity.
How would I know how attractive a woman is .... Unless I'm checking her out to begin with? Busted again. I've learned that it's simply easier to say, "No," to the only look that matters; The first one. If I say , "No," to the first look, then there won't be a second, or a third, or a fifth, or an eighth. It's easier for me to say, "No," to the first look than to the second, or the third, or the fifth, or the eighth. Keep them in the peripheral vision. It takes some practice, but soon, one can learn to get pretty good at it. It's easier for me to not look than to look without lusting. If I don't look, I won't lust. And if I don't lust, I won't crave. And if I don't crave, I won't cave. Game over. I win.
I have to keep this in my keen mind. What is going threw my mind though is she could be nice, she could be a flirt or down to earth, but do I know how many partners she’s been with?? No. So do I know if she’s narcissistic or flopping from guy to guy? No.
This is what I've been doing and it's worked out pretty good. If my eyes start looking at a girl in a sexual way, I immediately divert my eyes and forget about it.
For now, I would highly suggest that you lower your gaze. Because the eyes are the soul to your brain. Once that desire heats up, you can lose your mind. The good news, is you are in control of what you see. You can avoid the lust you feel when a blonde (or any girl for that matter) catches your eyes. Look away as @KevinesKay said. All the best buddy
look up Tratak\Trataka meditation. dont do it in the same moment,do it at home properly. youll gain the true power of the eyes. then the challenge will be met with valour
I have a big problem. I hope and pray that I don't see the nineteen year old girl that use to live across the street from me. She left for college awhile back, like two years ago and if I see her again when she comes home to visit her folks, I know I'll relapse and jerk off. When see her car over there and I panic because I love young babes like her and I'm 60 years old.
I like your honesty. This may be very hard for you to do but try to lower your gaze. Occupy yourself with activities that will help you pay no attention to her.
Porn has gotten so bad for me that in a pinch I would lust over highschool or even middle school girls. If she's cute I fantasize and jerk off doesn't matter. Sick I know.
I will try. Thanks! PS. I try to avoid looking over there at all but when I go across the street to get the mail I sometimes see her and you know what happens. It's terrible!
If it is that bad you NEED to see a professional. Don't let this drag on for longer or you may do something horrible or risk catching a case. This is not something to take lightly.
I need to do something that is for sure or these girls will kill me in more ways than one. They drain everything out of me jacking it and I'm sick of it.
I love this forum and the people in it. We will work together to end the grip of porn in our lives. Much love!
Yes we can learn from each other. If we take this journey serious, there is a lot more we can achieve. Much respect to you buddy
Thank you so much. Awesome! When I'm with friends like you, I don't lust. This could save my life honestly!
Holy Crap , that was fantastic! I must try that. I have never had sex in my life so every half way good looking girl I lust for to be honest with you even the young ones.
You have great wisdom and streath. Can I ask you what you'd do in a supper market? I seem to be hyper sensitive toward these women and I can't wait to get home to Jack it after I see one.
My goal is to not look at a single woman altogether. To not know what any of them are wearing. Keep them all in my peripheral vision. Because my mind is so messed up that if I give myself permission to look, I'm going to lust. I've tried to change that part of myself; to try to "notice" them without lusting. Trying to change this perverted mind of mine to not be so perverted, and I can't. I just can't. It has proven and demonstrated over the decades that it cannot be trusted. God has permanently revoked my license to look. I can see women better when I don't look at them. A whole lot better. And I'm just fine with that. Because what am I missing out on? Frustration? More obsessing? Feelings of deprivation? Reinforcing toxic shame by desperately seeking validation from other women? Lust has no benefit for me. It only takes away, and leaves me wanting more. And if a woman walks into my view, bounce the eyes. With practice, I get better at this. It's really hard to lust at a woman if I'm not looking at her. There are those times when I'm directly interacting with a woman. A friend, a family member, someone I'm being introduced to, a customer at work, a coworker, a cashier. That's 1%. If I choose to not pay attention to all the other 99% that are not talking to me, thinking about me, or looking at me, then handling those 1% interactions becomes a lot easier for me. I give them eye contact. But only enough to not be rude. I don't stare. I didn't realize for a long time that giving myself permission to let my eyes and mind roam wherever they wanted to played a big role in my relapsing. Being that my porn use was simply an extension of uncontrolled eyes and a free-racing mind, I discovered that I was fighting my war in the wrong battlefield. Instead of focusing on my behavior, I should have been fighting the battles with my eyes and mind. That's where the real war is.
