Came out to myself as Bisexual.... but now a host of issues, please help :(

Hey everyone,

I have been an on again, off again participant of these forums for a couple years now. My main issue had always been so-called "HOCD" and general PMO issues. Well, I broke up with my short-term gf back in March of this year and long-story short I didn't take it particularly well and it kind of "kicked off" my journey of exploration and self-admittance that I'm really not "struggling with HOCD" (not that there arent men on here who genuinely are) but that I'm really just bisexual. Since then I've done a few hookups here and there and made some great friends and met some cool, understanding guys along the way , but I have come to a point now where I just have some unresolved energy within myself and some points that, although I recognize my bisexuality, there's still some issues:

> I feel like I'm mainly into men in the absence of women. This is not to say I don't genuinely like men or am not attracted to them but just what I have noticed. I do think I prefer women, romantically and maybe even sexually but I feel so disenchanted by how much more difficult it is for me to "score" a lady than a guy - and I'm not a bad looking guy at all! I just hate how skewed it seems in the lady's favor when it comes to dating - it feels like all the burden is on the man to impress, pay, perform, etc. and after all that, she can just walk away from you. With men I feel I can be more fully myself and liked for who I am, easier to talk to.

> Since coming out as bi, I've allowed myself to MO more often (I've stopped P), but I still don't feel the benefits like when I stopped PMO altogether. Also, I spend a lot of time on gay dating apps like grindr,which is a lot of P-subs so my brain I guess isn't really healing like it could be

> I feel like my sexual urges for men have become borderline uncontrollable in lust and it's making me feel ungrounded or going against my own standards/judgement. I thought coming out to myself would help me feel less angsty and lusty about it, but it still feels like I'm inviting chaos with all these hookups but it's like I've opened to door for it with "exploring men" after all the years of being a bit in denial about it.

I know I'm all over the place, but I'd really like some advice from someone ... what should I do? I want greater peace in my life.