Broke from Inside

I hope you do well. I am not the best at friendships myself. Good luck and try and be social.

 

This particular forum speaks for itself... So many people feel lonely. So many people feel they don't have a sufficient enough of a social circle and/or romantic relationships. While I guess for some, it can be comforting knowing they aren't the only ones feeling like this, it also doesn't help resolve personal situations. Being isolated/feeling lonely can be crippling. Some say we experience loneliness to bring us closer to God. For others, they feel it's a flaw within themselves that leaves them feeling as if they are doing something wrong and can't make friends/maintain relationships.

Personally, I'm learning that 'relying' on other people for any form of companionship just ultimately ends in disappointment and hurt, which in itself feels harmful as I can already feel the impact it's having on my mindset... Mistrusting, socially distant and closed off, unwilling to make an effort with others. It's a vicious circle for anyone to be stuck in. But, it does make me appreciate small moments, like even just being acknowledged by strangers. Someone saying hi, while out on a walk, or making small talk while waiting for something in a queue. Chances are, someone remembers you for something minute in your books, but which had a profound impact on them. Maybe that doesn't count for much, but I'm sure more people than you realise have been glad you're here.

 

I think we must clarify sth:
Men dont have Friends.
As Long as there is no Goal or Interest which connects You and other men, there is no reason to stay in Touch.

Your Default setting as a man is solitude. Realizing that will Help You, like it helped me. Having a few small conversations through the day is enough.
I have also one Person in my life that I can call a "Friend". Just one.
We share that we are both Muslims and share More or less the Same values.

I See many Guys with a Lot of "Friends". THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS THEM TOGETHER are stupid degenerate weak-minded Lifestyle traits Like Drinking, Smoking Weed and doing absolutely nothing important. As soon as You Stop drinking/smoking-youll never hear from These Guys again.

At least You Seem to have a lovely Family. As a man your Life has to be filled with intentions. Thats your Job as a man in this world-and IT will fullfill You. A Bond with the Lord is also important for me. Hope youll find your Woman.

 

That is very said that you think this way. My brothers have many friends and they do not drink or smoke together when they met I believe they must have clicked together and now they are like good friends. My dad is the same he has good male friends for over 50 years. Maybe, you just have met some not so good people not everyone is bad.
Me myself I do not have loads of male friends there is a reason behind that things that happened in my youth. I am also a very selective person so I know that I make it harder for myself to have more male friends. I have so many acquaintances.

Part of my reasoning in the past as some of thinking now is I thought and still think on some level that men are inferior so I never bothered to much with men. Everybody is different maybe you have a reason why you think like this have you ever thought that how you are as a person makes more of a challenge for other males to communicate and maybe even befriend you?

 

I Always had a few good Friends.
Really good guys. Always there when needed and vice versa.
All of sudden the direction of their Life changed drastically. So one Person remained. Dont Know If it is coincidence.

I say everyone is different.
I Love to be on my own. I really Like spending time alone. And I need it.
Not sad. Not weird.

Good for your dad. Lucky Guy.
I am Not searching for Friends. I can Connect Well to Others. ITS easy for me to Talk to Strangers. I am Not shy or sth. I am still Happy in my Life. But every Now and then IT would be cool to have 1-2 persons More who are Close to me.

 

Hi, I am not sure. I have never been to go at retaining many friends but as I get older. I am getting to the point where I am less bothered mostly because of the effort I put in and in my head I would be thinking is this person putting any effort in etc.

I believe everyone is different as well and I like being on my own as well.(This is something I tell myself). But, the truth is I don’t love being alone. Humans are meant to communicate and interact with others we are meant not to live life alone. I think deep down we need each other.
Even in the animal kingdom I do not think animals remain alone they need their own kind. I do not know all animals in the animal kingdom but they’re probably some that are alone but that’s besides my point.
Being alone is lonely.
A pack wolves and a pride of lions furious dangerous animals still stick together. And, I am sure their behaviours are much more extreme than my own but yet they remain together.

When I go home I am alone anyway so what’s the point of me being alone outside in the world too. There is so much different kinds of people to meet and experiences to have.

How did you manage in the past to meet and then become good friends?
Personally I should remember how it happened but some of the good friends I have met it feels like it just happens. Maybe, for me I think deep down I know straight away. It feels like we say hi and then talk a bit about nothing to important and then I meet them again and maybe that’s it.

I didn’t say you was searching.
I can Connect well with others too.
I can literally talk to anyone.
I was more shy as a young person. And, still have bits of it happens sometimes but not really a lot.

I am glad you are happy.
I wouldn’t say I am unhappy in my life but it could be more exciting at times.

I am going of track now from my main point.
Although, you like being alone it’s not good for your mental health. Being social and communicating is important for are brains not just now but more importantly in later life. It’s like brain insurance or neural protection on some level.
This is why I push it and even force myself to communicate more and to be social.
Because I could just continue in the way I,m going by myself not wanting or needing anyone and the mental decline will creep in and it will be my own fault for knowing but doing nothing about it.

So, everyone now and again you feel lonely. I get it.
Keep trying I hope you make more than 2 real good friends. One guy I am talking to mentioned a website called meet-up. People who do likeminded activities together. Maybe, you can find your people or more.

Everyone should try this website. I am going to look into.
Even, though people are annoying and irritating to me a lot.
My mind needs it and I have never down something like this properly before.

Good Luck, guys.

 

Being alone is a state, while loneliness is a subjevtive Feeling.
You can be surrounded by people, yet feel lonely.
Yes It could be damaging for your mental health. Most Guys my age came across Kind of childish to me, so its hard to Connect. Maybe there is no other Option for me.
We Met in school, kept in Touch, shared Same Interests. Even simple stuff Like going to chinese Buffet once or twice a month, cause we Liked their kitchen.

So are You alone or do you feel lonely?

Sometimes I Talk to ten different people a day(even small Convos) and Sometimes none really.
I think You have to accept it, thats what really matters. And dont telling yourself lies. Me included.

 

What’s up cuck.
But, I am sure it is going to feel similar for other people. We were built to be social beings. I feel it will affect people in negative ways but maybe in different manifestations.

I feel you mate. This is not a new feeling for me being surrounded by 100s or 1000s of people and being hopelessly lonely in the middle.

I think on some levels us guys never grow up. I am a more serious type as well. I get that. I totally agree with that but maybe on some level that’s how we connect with each other.
Even, me if I was going to hang around with a guy who’s always serious. I would be like. Nah.
Why would I need another serious mate like me.

I can be really boring at times.

I found when I was in my 20s I would connect with other guys like 10 or 20 years older than me. I mean like real connections. And, to be honest they were a bit childish too.
If this is what you want don’t give up. If it don’t work out in the end at least you can be like I tried.

What are you going to lose? Nothing. What could you gain? Who knows.

When you spoke about how you met these good friends in the past. I was thinking like, that don’t sound like a good friend. It don’t even sound like a basis for a good friendship.
In my own experience it was like a whirlwind adventure.

I believe I feel lonely at times but I have my family around if I need them. I can go and visit so probably never alone.

How about you are you alone or do you feel lonely?

(FYI. I am enjoying talking to you).

That’s good mini conversations. How do you feel when you don’t have these mini conversations?
I feel in some way you are trying to reach out with these mini conversations what do you think? In my experience I feel I definitely am. I am reaching out because I want friends.

I love communicating with other people it feels so good.

I will accept that I am lonely but I will not accept this state I am in I don’t want to be lonely.
I want to change it.

We got to be honest with ourselves you are right otherwise we are just living a lie and lying to ourselves nobody else.
I stopped acting fake a long time ago. I am me if you don’t like me so what.

So where do we go from here?

 

Great to hear from you.
Fortunately You realize at some Point in life that Friends are a Bonus.
At 28 I appreciate everything I have.
Own Appartement, Delicious Food, even my Mountainbike.
Yea These convos are nice. I think people Just want wo Connect with like-minded Others. It feels good.

I was always very picky when IT comes to people I let me in my Life.
The Friends I Had were Kind and trustworthy.
For example Didnt hesitate to wake Up at 7 am in vacation to Drive me to a doctor ( when I Had a knee Injutry).
Or Order Food and pay everything.


At some Point I feel lonely.
Usually IT Happens every sunday.
You See everyone hanging Out with their wife and Kids and stuff.
The Others days I dont feel IT. I feel mostly really good. The biggest source of happiness is for me to improve and get stuff Done.
This wasnt the Case when I was 20.
Today I Took a Cold shower, worked Out, went to the Laundry shop and bought two pairs of new shoes. Later I am going to cycle.
I think a good Routine helps.

Greatings.

 

Same here.
Yeah, I guess that the right friends can enrich your life more.
Gratitude is an important thing. Being thankful for what you have as some don't have the things you have. Everyone has their own lives, circumstances, and etc.
Sometimes when you speak its as if you say exactly what I would say.
Own space. "Yes." Delicious food. "I love food, yes!" I do not own a mountain-bike but I cycle all the time with the city bikes(If I could cycle all day I would, love to).
Definitely but I also like to mix it up and communicate with people who I do not quite mesh well with. Yeah! It feels good.

I am exactly the same, sometimes it feels like they have to go through some kind of initiation or interview. I know, I can be hard work but I got to protect my heart.
Man, they sounded like some really good friends. Wow! What happened did you reciprocate these behaviours in return if they needed you?

I understand. Why do you think it happens every Sunday?
Do you not what to have a wife and kids and stuff? I guess stuff is friends.
I feel mostly good too. If you are anything like me, then you keep yourself so busy that you don't have time to notice that it's only you and I guess you don't have time to feel lonely but I guess when you stop and and take a rest. It happens. You start noticing everything. That it's just you on your own.
I do this and I noticed it more prominently in college, A-levels years.
I would be in the college all day 9am to 9pm. It was just me in the class room. Obviously, you have a quick chat with the teachers. Then, I added work onto that. Not the everyday in College but classes and then straight into work. Then, home and bed. I did this for awhile. Although, I lived with my family. I never saw anyone. They was sleeping or I was sleeping and then we would go out to do are days. This is when I was really really lonely. I felt it and at one point my family even told me this. "I don't see you anymore, we just miss each-other all the time."(Sorry, I go for on a tangent a lot).
I love doing that too. I am real organised in work and my head is always in the game at work. It makes me feel good. Basically I like to be right. I like to know what I am doing and thats its good work. Yeah, Yeah, I am probably arrogant. Ha Ha.

I believe a good routine can help. I heard this somewhere else before about being out into a routine. Parents refer to their kids in this way "get them into a good routine" etc.

Greetings to you too mate.

Take care.

 

Yes we all try to make the best Out of are Situation(hopefully). Friends can really enrich your Life. If there is No other Option (Like in my Case) be cool with it. Yeah I Always Talk to people throughout the day-often strangers. Today an old Lady started chatting with me in the lift, why Not.
Mixing this up with purpose works (nearly) perfect. Nice to hear that You also Seem very grateful-that causes happiness in Return. Great Mate.

Unfortunately their lives changed drastically, one became for example a drug addict. If he needed me-I also helped.
His addiction totally changed His Character and apperance-in a bad way.
The Other Guys also changed all of sudden due circumstances. So basically there is No friend left. I Know a Guy for ten years, we See each other every Now and then. I can Trust him-and He me. But we meet rarely.
So Its Not a Close Friendship.
What about you ? Hope You can Trust at least one Person in your Life.

On friday evenings I visit my sister(Same age) Sometimes, but honestly we dont Connect very Well, she does barely Talk and appears rude Sometimes. If I need Something she is Always there.
If I dont visit her, I mostly make Sport or do Something useful. Like Reading etc.
So basically there is No one really Close to me. That I Connect very Well with.
I am Kind of intelligent, so Its Harder for me to find someone suitable. You Seem the Same.

On saturday evening and sunday I would like to spend time with a beautiful woman that I love. But still: I Like being on my own.
And I Always Talk to people. So a good woman would enrich my Life.
Do You feel the Same?

Take Care.

 

I understand but you control your situation you can make it as you want it to be. Bro, there is always options when we get really old then maybe the options might be limited but I think we can do it.
I encourage you 28 year old dude.
Well, start with one strangers who knows what could happen.

Sorry, about I have seen many drug addicts it is a hard road to be on.
Depending on the drugs the looks can change quite a bit and the character. Addiction is a bad thing. I only have the PMO thing but I have done some pretty bad things. Bisexual here but probably gay. I was clean for like a few weeks and just exercising and I just ended up in a park with other sexual freaks. The thing is I can not rationally explain it. Was it curiosity. I was in the park for hours in the rain as was the other guys. I feel it’s much worse of drug addicts. That addictive compulsion must be so strong. I feel like sometimes that is all I see when I look at people.
I just don’t care. I just want my fix.
I am sorry about your friends. Make new ones if you want.
I have always kind of trust my family. I learnt that many times over the years. My mum always kinda of keeps people at a distance for good reason. Learned experiences as well. I kinda learnt that. I do want to connect but people are just. What is he word, shitty. It’s hard to find good people I am not the best person in the world but I feel I am a good friends at times. Honest I could be much better keeping in contact with others.

It depends on the person. Some siblings get on more than others.
Sport, cool. Which one are you interested in. Something useful? You are useful. I think you have a lot to offer the world.
What do you read?
I am sorry to hear that. What about your parents?
I am sure you are intelligent. People tell me I am I guess I have to believe in myself more.
Forget the suitable and just look for a good person and go from there. I have come across many many fake people. Who I think why should I bother with them if they not bother with me. Good people is essential. I think. I think I have a lot of emotional intelligence and awareness so I read between the lines and peoples body language and etc.

Unless you want an escort that is a weekend thing but if you want a beautiful good woman it’s a whole week affair. Lol.
Lest delve deeper into this. Why do you think you like being alone?
You do talk to people but you feel lonely to me.
A good woman can enrich your life, yes. But, fix you too then a good woman will only enhance your life more. Start at a good place.
A good woman or man for me. I am have not been I interested in relationships for awhile. I decided to be alone a while back it could change. Men mostly irritate me. Mostly full of rubbish that is the heterosexual ones as well. Woman can be nice too to communicate with. I have mostly grown up with pretty tough woman. So, those annoying girlie girls would probably irritate me too.
And, woman think they can charm me because they’re a woman. Lol.
I don’t really know what decide about this.

take care, as well. You adding a bit of care to me. Nice.

 

Good Point. First we have to accept and honestly Like our Lifes.
A Partner cannot fix us. Not searching for that.
But a Woman Would add „Social value“ To my life. Nothing big.
Today for example I opened up a communication with a woman who worked at a coffee bar and we laughed.
stuff like this happens every now and then. I am getting better. I like it.


why I like being alone? I like to fulfill tasks which improve me. That Works only on my own.
Let me Tell you sth: If i had to Make a list of priorities from top to bottom,
the first five Points would ONLY include myself. So I always have a decent “Baseline“ of Happiness/Life. THE MOST fullfilling activity is one that improves me:

-My Fitness/My Body :Cycling everday or walking Long Ranges and additional 200 Pushups every das for strength. I Want to Stay lean and muscular. I always have the best Body when I Look around. Showering cold every morning.
-My Nutrition: I Cook every day my Own food. Fiber and Lots of Protein, less Sugar. Lots of veggies.
Takes effort, but I am Worth it.
-Daily Tasks like studying, cleaning or going to the laundry Shop.
-Reading Books: In this Moment a biography of C. Ronaldo.
–Dressing sense: I will always try to look my best-and therefore feel good about me, it’s really important to me. Always clean and well dressed(not overdressed).

sad to hear that your addiction brought you into a downwards spiral–tell me about your priorities, do you have a routine? If yes great. You also seem smart.

Yesterday I went to the local football club to subscribe there, so I can play football every Friday evening. I like it and it would add social value to my life.
When I go once or twice a week to the local Döner Kebab Store - we always have a little chat. I know the guys who are working there. They also give me sometimes fries for free or more meat in my sandwich. Eating there also kind of adds social value. Really like their food.

but I’m honest. Everyone should. I feel like there is one person missing who is really close to me. So I feel lonely a little(A LITTLE, not more).
My family lives in an another country. Me and my sister are leaving in Germany. We were born here-so we know the culture.
Maybe it’s time to build an own family who knows

 

Hey, acceptance and honesty. Yep.
I,m so glad you are aware of this. I have seen this before people getting into a relationship for all the wrong reasons. Like to fix themselves.
It so crazy strange I used to think on the other lines of this. I do not want to be in a relationship unless I fix myself. I would not want to kinda drag the person down.
Is that what we are calling it “social value”. Ha ha. How do woman do it be so good at this social and like life thing not all of them? I am not thinking of changing my gender. I can be a more awesome guy without becoming a woman.
That sounds nice man, a little opposite sex communication to warm your feet.

I also like to fulfil tasks that improve me aswell. But, does it warrant you being alone more than others? Like the cycling thing. I love cycling. When, I had more friends I would do cycling with them. Now, and again. But, an example if I waited around for my friends I would probably never get to cycle a lot more. Not ever friend wants to cycle like 2 hours a day(come on, I am an addict what did you expect.). That has got to be for everybody the first maybe 5 properties. Yeah, it’s fulfilling but when you add others to it. I am sure this will increase.

Good program. I am going to get back to cycling and hopefully resistance training soon. I can not wait for that feeling. Yeah, I am vain and arrogant in this sense. Ha Ha. To look around and know I look hot and am in shape. Enough of these thoughts before I write what I would do. Lol.
Nutrition sounds good. Takes time. Yeah, you are worth it. I want to look not quite exactly like a fuck boy but that ultra hot looking guy that makes girls and guys make movements in their pants. Lol.
Is this guy as vain as me. Yes!!!
You are a student. I remember those days.
You should look your best. Sorry, I am the overdressed type. Lol. Not all the time. When I go out everybody else needs to know I look better than them. Ha Ha.

Oh, it’s cool. Thanks, though. That was a long time ago. I felt that was rock bottom for me. I am glad, praised be to God. I stopped there. I know how I can be if I want something. If I want someone sexually and my inner addict wakes up. Problems.
I feel like a wolf/sex addict sometimes. I remember going to that park and just getting involved initiating and physically engaging. Maybe, its a small dick guy thing. I feel sexually aggressive and dominate. Maybe, that’s why more feminine girls and guys really really annoy me.
Different priorities, yeah.
-Look after myself
-look my family into old age
-take care of older brothers later on in life and their kids
- go back to studying
- I want to be the rich uncle type
- eat good food
- wear hot clothes
- be groomed really well
- have more fun in life
- find a job I love
- help people
- go to amazing places
- meet amazing people
- see hot guys(this is not a proprietary, I have seen so many and I think I am bored now).
My nutrition could be better.
- Learn a language

I am not keen on football but good job. Yeah, you will get to meet a lot of different people. Yeah, kebab or chip shop guys are pretty chatty. Yeah, social interaction is good with familiar surroundings and people. I used to do the same in the Lebanese restaurant. It was nice conversations. I also like to learn about different cultures.
I can not remember the last time I had a kebab. (Not my thing). If I lived close by I would go with you but just chips for me.

Maybe, there is like me you seek things which are missing or lacking. This is probably why I talk to anybody it’s because I need to talk. Sorry, about your family living far away. Oh, you are German. I think this is my first German guy talking too properly. I have spoken to German woman before. Hey, Hey I have heard German guys are really smart and well educated you think you are smart is an understatement. You know you’re smart. Lol.
If that is what you want go for it but if it not what you want do not go for it. Family I mean.

 

Hey mate.

Like I said most guys my age came across childish and immature to me.
And also not as ambitious as I am.
When I cycle, i always do 20-30km. People don’t have the discipline to do this.
At least most of them.

So there are not many dudes I could „potentially“ meet.

the case with women: They are mostly emotionally intelligent by nature. I am too.
As well as in logic, math, physics.
The point is: As someone who is far more smart than the average guy, it’s hard to find suitable mates. Sounds cocky, but hey.
It’s easy to make shallow „friendships“. With friends you have to be able to talk about stuff that can be emotional.

so women are able to follow my thoughts , most guys aren’t. Even when I am not very emotional. I have a rebellious spirit, that doesn’t fit within the average joe.
so the best friendship I could possibly make is with a woman.
The patience and understanding you cannot get from a guy. So it’s more of a personal issue. I am just not every other dude. I have a winner-mentality and most guys are doing what everyone else does. Without thinking clearly.
a bit rebellious but classy woman would enrich my life.

What about you? Have you conquered loneliness?
you also seem well groomed and take care of yourself.
Let’s just try to be as grateful as possible.

 

Hey, bro.
I have seen some guys that like to just chill.
I like to do more. Read(I have not done this in a while books I mean), learn a language, or something more.
I used to like playing videos games aswell and most guys still love to play videos games as they get older.
I really enjoy long hours of cycling. Once, you enjoy it they might not stop.
Most ambitious dudes I have seen don’t really seem to have time to make friends.
Always, busy.

I am not bad in logic and maths too. Is it an emotional intelligence thing?
Strange, I have met really smart guys with no clue about emotional intelligence. Lol.

Funny enough I can not recall ever being able to talk about emotional stuff with guy mates, quote.
I am naturally like this I generally find small talk a waste of my time and go straight into emotional talk with people. Guys will mostly tell you, I am deep. It’s just a conversation. Or, they get weirded out and act awkward. It’s feels like it scares them off talking about their emotions. Dudes, I don’t want to fuck all of you guys but just to talk about real things. I was in work talking ish to a younger guy. I say “hi” to him I do not feel there is much need to talk to him. So, I do not bother if he wanted he would have made an effort too.
The conversation was about music. I was listening to music. I hear to this all the time do you understand the music of different languages I said “no”. But, I like the music and it resonates with me.(I did not say it in this way, you can not talk to guys intelligent like at times). They look at you like you are weird. The next part was the type of music he likes. It had swearing it was rap.
He thought I wouldn’t like that kind of music. I know I act elitist and am a lot of them time. Ha Ha. But, I do know of other things. I do not seclude myself to things I just like. How would I expand my mind. Experience life.

No offence(I remember so what if guys can not follow your thoughts, I don’t think guys are wired for that to connect with guys like that. Maybe, that is why gay guys adopt a masculine and feminine arrangement in their relationship. Hmm, I never thought that was the cause. Human nature/biology. That ruins it for me I do. It do. It like feminine acting guys and I do not like acting to be a feminine guy. I might as well just fuck woman.)some woman can follow your thoughts but most guys can not. I get it. You still need to connect with guys. I am not suggesting dumb yourself down. Why should you?
You need the male connection.
So, you’re a guy I would need to fuck your brain before I get to fuck you? I am not trying just getting the picture.
Now, I am curious I got to find a smart guy to do this with. I love my experiences.
Lol.

I am rebellious too. It is strange I feel guys are rebellious they could be more rebellious but they seem rebellious.

I have woman friends but they are not submissive per se but it feels like that. I also need a non submissive kind of friendship. Not that I will be submissive with guys. Ha Ha. They wish.

In my head I feel why would you want a guy friend to be patience and understanding that’s what woman are for.
Maybe, I have been looking at friendships incorrectly.

It’s just most guys it’s most people. People tend to do what other people do. It’s like a follower mentality. I like to do what I want to do.
I am jealous I feel your winner mentality is stronger than mine. I love it. I need to work harder on my winner mentality aswell.
I feel this is what guy friendships are supposed to be we compete to be better than each other. So, it’s like a positive thing to improve ourselves.
We make each other stronger.

Maybe, that is what you and me need guy friends who make us stronger but we also make them stronger.
I am pumped right now.

So, a classy, rebellious, and emotionally intelligent woman. No offence, it sounds like a female you. Would this really be good for you?

No, but I think I am good for a bit with the loneliness.

The hottest thing for me and probably most woman is to see a guy well-groomed, classy, a guy who can take care of himself. Really hot.
I don’t mean over groomed. I see some Latin cam guys. With pedicures and manicures and red lips. Too much!!!
They look clean (I doubt it), and they body Looks good and they work out. Face shaved and haircut with annoying tattoos. Then you see them with clothes on. I am like, are you kidding me you dress like a less that average guy. Yuck!!!
Ok, you look good naked I guess that’s good for the bed. But, we won’t be in bed all the time. I can not take him out anywhere looking like that. I have high standards. So, what!!

I am not super well groomed as before I have depression and can not be bothered to do many grooming things. I used to be. It gives me sense of confidence and pride(pride, oh man I don’t need the pride). I don’t know if I would even bother to go full on high maintenance guy anymore. The effort.

talk soon.

 

No offence to you I find guys smelly, dirty and yucks most of the time.