Brand New / Rebooting in a LTR

Hey everybody,

Never posted here before, just read Getting Started, set goals and started the clock. Reading other articles, checking out forums, and wanted to introduce myself here since I'm in a 10 year relationship and wanting to refrain from P+M but do it in the context of someone still sexually active with his girlfriend.

Tried getting off porn a million times before, mostly in relationships. Been using porn for 20+ years (I'm 42). Even went to some 12 step meetings specifically oriented around sex (didn't end up being a good fit for me). Tried completely abstaining, from everything, no PMO at all during that period (I was single at the time and in my late 20s) and it was BRUTAL. But I also didn't have a community or tools at my disposal, and didn't understand the neuroscience of why I was experiencing what I was.

I was relieved to see this thread. I experience PIED with my partner for some activities and absolutely none for others. It's a mixed bag and a confusing experience. The same has happened in previous relationships.

I'm still figuring out what "journaling" is and where it goes, but wanted to make first contact on here with other men and women doing this in a relationship.

Thank you!

 

Thanks Freddiefox, I really appreciate it. Excited to have found this community.

 

Thanks, Lacuna. I've definitely had those experiences. I always felt a lot of shame about that, and really judged myself for it. I didn't feel like much of a man when I had spent so much time looking at porn that I had to make up excuses for why I didn't want to have sex with the real human being standing in front of me (or laying on top of me). I also didn't understand what was actually happening with my brain, and kept trying to stop on my own out of shame and eventually caving. There was also a loss of all interest in sex completely the first couple weeks after I'd give up porn, and that was even harder to accept. Lot of confusing and painful feelings, for me and for others. Looking forward to making a fresh start with a lot more support then I had before.

 

Thanks hitnmis, I appreciate it. Happy to have the support!

 

Thanks! Good luck and positive vibes to you!

 

9 days since PM, hasn't been excruciating but hasn't been easy at all. Things that usually excite with my lady are exciting to the brain - but my body hasn't been cooperating, or has been less than enthusiastic. It always has been with "normal" straight-forward sex with my girl but other things were always still very stimulating. Now even those things are not doing the trick. I'm also planning a big job right now with tons of stress and my brain feels serotonin-depleted. Very strong porn urges yesterday, though I didn't get swept away. Wanted something to quiet the chaos in my brain and pull me out of a state of anxiety (even temporarily). I know the cycle - I cave, thinking I'll make it a short relapse, then that goes out the window and a full cycle starts all over again. And I end up feeling ashamed, isolated, and like less of a man because the idea of straightforward vaginal intercourse is so dull and I want the "50 browser window every kind of sex imaginable" hit back. Such a merry go round of suffering. Really trying to do something different this time around. Not getting the kind of communication on here I'd hope for, but I'm going to keep trying.

 

Thanks Freddie. I didn't relapse, thankfully, but I came pretty close. I felt like a junky, but held out. I'm feeling much better these last several days.

 

Thanks, Shell. That's definitely tough. I have moments of feeling so much better, even in this short period. I'm actually sober myself, and like cravings to drink when I was newer to sobriety, I know these cravings come along, spike, peak and then fade away. So far, so good with just riding them out. I appreciate the support, thank you.