I have quite a good blocking system that is quite difficult to by pass. But last night something happened that caused me to major relapse. I noticed when I put my laptop in to reset mode and then selected turn off computer, when I switched my laptop back on it took a bit longer for everything to load. What happened when I went on to the internet is one of the blockers hadn't loaded yet, and when I searched certain things they weren't blocked. The thing is most stuff just blocked again once the blocker kicked back in, which was near instantly. But particularly twiter didn't block again after I went on it after the blocks kicked in. If I deleted the history then twiter would block again. But for some reason after I went on twiter it wouldn't even block again unless I deleted the history. Twiter is actually the second biggest thing that causes me to relapse. The reason for this is there is a certain fetish thing that turns me on that is particularly huge on twiter. You'll also notice I am not spelling twiter correctly. This is because I have even blocked the word lol. But yeah I went in to a huge binge on twiter. Look people might say it's a psub and not actually as bad as porn. To me it is as bad as porn. The level of arousal I get from it is sky high. To me it is as bad as porn. I personally think twiter and IG are almost on the same level as porn. But the thing is I do extremely well when I can't access anything. I get good streaks. But I honestly feel like when I can access stuff like that I am definitely eventually going to relapse, and binge. I am seriously asking you guys who don't use blockers who get good streaks how you do it? I seriously don't know if it's possible for me. I am really depressed and worried right now. I need some help, advice and guidance please?
Ok, I am assuming you using BlockSite, which is pretty effective. I recommend you to NOT turn it off. In any point of time. Secondly, play video games. Even if you don't wanna go out, or you don't wanna do sports, play games that are actually pissing you off(Yes, because if you piss off on a game if you just got killed or can't do a stage, then that means you are concentrated into that game and you don't even think about masturbation.) Thirdly, Be Positive, and Stay Focused. (I actually heard this on Formula 1 races ) Additional: If you think about porn or masturbation, just put a rubber on your wrist, and then pop it. This will give you an feeling of ("I can't masturbate or look at porn, otherwise I have to pop the rubber which is very painful so let's forget that."). So that's all I got. But you got the ball. Stay Focused and Be Positive!
Blockers should not be used in the long run, you can't run away from triggers indefinitely. What you need to understand ultimately is that you use PMO as a crutch to "skip" over bad feelings. Recovery means being able to face those feelings. So you need to accept that you will feel like shit, you will have insomnia, you will feel anxious as fck and so many others. This is unavoidable. However, the same way you can't feel good indefinitely, you also can't feel bad indefinitely. The same way you can't eat a cholcolate each day and feel as good the 30th day you eat it, you won't be able to feel as bad the 30th consecutive day. If you know how to swim, beating addiction is like swimming really, you need to let go, relax and trust that the water will push you back up, as it always does. People drown because they can't trust the water. Your body is the water, it will level things out. However, like i said before, you need to know and accept that it will be horrible in the short run. You should in a way be glad you're feeling bad, it means it's working.
I do believe people turn to PMO when their not feeling good. However last night I didn't feel bad. I just got this extreme rush of sexual excitement when I knew I could access that.
Yes, this can happen too. People use their preferred drug even if they're feeling good. It makes the good feel even better. However, feeling good is not necessarily a good thing and feeling bad is not necessarily a bad thing.
