Betraying My Wife

For the past 2 years or so, I have been engaged in terrible behavior. Behavior that is a betrayal of my wife. About 24 months ago, I started a new turn-on in the chat rooms I have frequented for about 5 years. Chat rooms are my weakness. I go there to find a person with a similar or complimentary enthusiasm, and then chat and masturbate. But 24 months ago, I did something new. For the first time, I talked about my wife with other men. Strangely, I found it arousing. I couldn't understand way, and still can't explain it. But it was/is powerful. I started out just talking about her - liking that other men were interested and that she piqued their sexual interest. Later on, I began to show her pictures to other men - not sexual pictures, just regular ones. I enjoyed hearing their comments and then what they wanted to do with and to her. My arousal grew and it escalated. I needed it more and more. I was and am disgusted with myself. And after most sessions I vowed never again. I don't know how I got here. What is wrong with me?

I have been "clean" 4 days now, but I still feel that call.

It has gotten to the point that I get more aroused talking about her and showing her than when I am with her. I need this to stop.

Just laying this out there in this forum. It actually helps to just type it.

 

@Peacelooker, Thank you for your support and encouragement. It sounds like you understand the range of emotions this destructive behavior has given.

The problem in stopping this behavior is that the mix of guilt and pleasure has been strong. The guilt is powerful and long-lasting, but the pleasure (as sick and twisted as it is) is intense in the moment.

I am looking ahead to being a healthy man.

 

Thanks for your insight here. The guilt I feel has driven me to do many things for my wife, but I know they do not truly make up for the betrayal.

 

@IR254 , Thank you for your help here. Your comments ring very true. AS you indicated, I am afraid "the call" of temptation - desire and pleasure - will be with me a while. I have conditioned myself into my present state.

This behavior - talking about my wife and showing her pictures - does not do me any good. In fact, all this chat and fantasy and masturbation has made it so that I am not functioning well during sex. I actually got harder in the chat rooms doing this than when having sex with my wife recently.

My wife has no idea that I have done this, and she would never understand. It is a true betrayal. I need to use that as a shield to help me fight the temptation.

Thank you very much for your encouragement and support.

 

Thank you so much for that insight. As I read your post, it really hit home. I realize that nothing I do can make up for this betrayal. The only purpose of my actions would be to assuage mu own guilt. I deserve that guilt, and I need to let it eat me alive to help me stop this terrible behavior. Thank you again for your meaningful comments.

 

What did your husband do? Watch porn or have relations with someone other than you that made him feel so guilty to do extra nice things for you?

 

Brother, I’m in a similar boat as you. Not chats, but actually physical adultery. I’ve been frequenting erotic massage parlors on and off for the past 4 years…it grew progressively worse. The gateway addiction to this was porn, but eventually the thrill of experiencing a new high from a different stranger just led me deeper and deeper into this.

Giving your wife something nice isn’t going to relieve the guilt. That won’t work.

The only thing that will, in my opinion, is either full confession or full change (and preferably both). Confession is better but harder and has more consequence ms with it. Full change without confession is possible but takes longer.

i’vw confessed to my wife about my PMO addiction and it led to amazing healing and strength. I have not had the courage to confess about visiting AMPs, because it’s a direct confession of adultery. I’m too fearful of losing her and the kids. I know that she would leave me. She’s told me that if adultwry happens, she automatically out.

So I would encourage you to take radical action in stopping this. Because if you don’t proactive measures to stop this behavior, it will only get worse. I’m saying this out to love, not condemnation. Not as an authority (since I’m dealing with forsaking my own shitty sinful behavior) but from a place of brotherly love and support.

Don’t know you, but love ya bro! Lol let me know if I can help in any way! We will get through this!

 

@Bradziggler1990, Thank you very much for your response. Do not think that the confession will work for me. I'm afraid that that would do irreparable harm to the relationship I have with my wife. I am just not brave enough to do that. Although, as you say, that would likely be the best way to move forward. I am trying to undertake full change, however.

I do appreciate your concern. I appreciate your attitude of love without condemnation.

Take care bro.


I know this will be a tough journey, but I hope I am man enough to see it through.

 

@Bradziggler1990, I tried to reach and send you a message, but I got an error response indicated I could not send you private messages.

I wanted to reach out and say thank you for your post. I really appreciate your thoughts. It felt as if you understood me. I also really appreciated your comment,"Don’t know you, but love ya bro! Lol let me know if I can help in any way! We will get through this!" It helps knowing that other people care and art condemning me for these terrible things.


I know that I have a long road ahead I have these strong urges, and the destructive behavior can feel so good in the moment.


I certainly understand how porn in the activities I have been engaging in could escalate, heading in your direction.


Not sure if you ever experienced this, but in the heat of need and desire I occasionally become angry with my wife, rationalizing that if she could satisfy my needs I would not need to do what I'm doing. I feel bad about those thoughts afterward.


Anyway, thank you for reaching out. Let me know if I can ever help.


As you say, Love you Bro.

 

Hold on….if you say he’s takes a polygraph test, wouldn’t he then reveal if he’s been physically unfaithful with you if you asked that question? Not just in regards to porn?

 

No I get what you’re saying. I’m just confused on whether you know or not if he’s been unfaithful physically, based on what you said up there. That’s why I was asking.

 

What’s IA?