Being Single and PMO

Yeah, I gotta say, I agree with you. I notice now that whenever I PMO, my social anxiety levels rise. I just keep thinking things will go bad.

 

i'm living proof of how true your post is. i was fapping 2-3 three times a day, but when i managed to properly put pmo to one side it literally took two weeks for me to get some action- something i hadn't done in over a year.

i was worried i'd instantly relapse once i hit my ninety day goal, but, judging how things have gone up until now, i don't think i ever want to relapse again.

 

I totally agree that quitting is very hard for singles. We need to replace PMO with a girl to get out of this vicious circle. As you said, the problems on one hand are loss of aura, energy, motivation and social confidence after each relapse. On the other hand, every day of abstinence makes it harder to resist, especially when you feel lonely. It's plain torture when you fight every single day but the girl is not showing up.

 

While i agree that having a girl is the ultimate destination from abstaining from PMO, keep in mind that it is an external motivation. In order to be successful, the motivation has to be internal, as in you want to quit because you really deep down inside you inherently want to.

My story is a bit strange, i asked out my crush on Valentine's Day this year but she friendzoned me, saying that it is better we remain as friends. I did feel a bit crushed but somehow somewhere i had this discipline and drive to take on nofap just so she will change her mind or something like that. The thing is, even i i did let her go i would still want to be successful in nofap for the chances of finding someone better. This translates into i dunno, externally driven inherent motivation? haha XP

 

The problem there is you asked her out on V day. I've been seeing a bird for 2 months and still think it's way too soon to ask her out for then! You showed a lot of hopeless romanticism and made it very clear she is your only option. Unfortunately that's really unattractive to women.. despite what Hollywood movies make you believe.

In future invite girls out the night before and book a table at a dimly lit cocktail bar if you must see them that week, but you would have been best off organizing a date for a week night the following week. V day was also a Friday night - Friday + Saturday night dates are sex dates (second/third and above), she knows that, increases the chance of a flake if it's the first one.

Unlucky for what happened. You couldn't have known better, it's not your fault. But disregard everything society taught you about getting some, 'cos it makes you do stupid stuff like asking girls out on V day..!

PS, stay away from the seduction material. The value in the community is: hit the gym, get some hobbies, make female friends who you don't try to sleep with and make consistent effort to talk to girls. Game is 90% sorting your life out and 10% talking to girls, so concentrate on what's important. Women will come.

 

Just to add to the mix that I am currently single (for first time in over 20 years) and my reason for being here etc has nothing to do with meeting somebody else as I genuinelly want to stay single, maybe not forever (never say never etc) but for forseeable future at least. Having said that my age/situation etc do have a bearing on that (been married etc, got three children) and we a re all different (and I guess when I was in my 20s I only had one thing on my mind!) but just worth a mention in a thread about being single etc.

Check out this if your interested...

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?4054-Getting-Started-with-Sexual-Energy-Transmutation

 

If a girl rejects you on V day, she'd reject you on any other day, under any circumstances. If a girl is interesed in you, she will say yes, even if you ask her out at the worst possible moment.

Any other situation is just child's play. That's okay if you want to play a game. But these games ultimately lack real interest and are not honest, so -for me- they're just a waste of time. These "learn how to seduce women" and "become a sexual tyrannosaurus in 15253 easy steps" bullshit is just cheap marketing.
Forget it.
Want a gf? Then don't want a gf. Do not ignore your loneliness though, but ask yourself: what would I do if I could be totally sure that I'll be single for the rest of my life. You'll think about a number of things, you start doing that, and then you'll find your S.O. in the process.

When it comes to girls we all tend to think in BS stereotypes. Girls want confidence, money, muscles, good hair, large penis (isn't that fortunate that there are 252 secret methods to enlarge your penis by 34 inches in just 1,5 weeks? you KNOW what I'm talking about don't you? HA-HA ) and such. Which sounds good. It means if you achieve money and muscle and penis size, you'll get a gf right? Well...no. You CAN buy a gf however, but I'm talking about real relationships now.
Ultimately, you want your gf to want YOU. Not your confidence. Because it can easily pass. Not your car. It might get stolen. Not your muscles. There is always someone better looking.

So you just have to be yourself. But to become yourself, first you'll have to be somebody else. Controversial, but this is how it works. So you know what guys? Feel free to try everything out, and after a while you'll say "fuck this, I don't even care anymore", that will be the moment when you can finally find yourself. Good luck people!

 

'Getting' a girlfriend is a bad place to be comming from. You can get sex elsewhere. Relationship can have a profound effect on your life and getting attached can knock you/her off course.

Re getting sex - absolutley work out/fix fashion/display your life is together. Nothing helps in attracting woman than becoming more attractive. Some will stick around, some won't but none of them need become a long term girlfriend just for the sake of it. OP sounds too young for that anyway, a relationship will stall personal development which would be better use of time.

 

I'd go so far to say getting into the best shape of your life is the single most powerful thing you can do to attract more women. Your game may be weak but really you just need to meet cooler guys through new sporty hobbies and copy them. It'll come. Worry about you for now. Expect small results no earlier than 6 months. The snowball will develop into an avalaunch and you'll be glad you did it the proper way.

 

I hated being single. I went through a space of four years where I couldn't get a girl. I had a few one night stands but these were always ended by the girl and my self esteem was utterly shot. PMO really felt like it helped at that time, it was a comfort blanket. Being single and not fapping is incredibly hard. It gets worse when fapping doesn't do for you it anymore and you turn to brothels.

 

Wow! Thanks for sharing all your opinions, this is quite an interesting discussion!

Hmm interesting advice there Anon, and as a serious beginner who didnt dare make female friends at all in the past, any advice would be useful!

Hmm i agree. On hindsight i realize that it is not wise to be asking someone out on V day itself, and that on hindsight i was just plain blind to her signals. However this was my real first time experience asking someone out at all, and i just wanted to try for myself what so many others have: a date. (ya, it is that sad right, *thanks PMO for the anxiety*)

I guess what you mean would be always strive to be the best version of yourself? (by which that version of yourself is actually a different person) then i would probably see where you are coming from.

This. You expressed what i wanted to say perfectly. Chase personal success, focus on yourself first, and you will become a magnet. Then everything else that you want will come in later, such that you dont have to get it by yourself because it will come to you naturally.

Hmm, pardon me if i sound offensive, but i personally equate brothels to PO without the M. they are the same because it is relatively effortless to get access to either of them. you just need some money or a working internet connection. Visiting one brothel therefore counts as a relapse. But This is just my opinion. However i do agree that being single and nofap is insanely challenging. But i want to keep reminding myself to have faith because the benefits will outweigh all the suffering you suffered. Keep on working hard!

Cheers!^^

A

 

IMO you HAVE TO do both, working on yourself is one of the best things you can do, but no amount of working on yourself is ever going to make you into a 'magnet', you still have to go out there and meet people and have good game.

Its just plain complacency to assume ANYTHING will just come to you 'naturally', what do you even mean by natural because the way you use the word it comes across as 'natural' = being inactive, not putting any effort into it etc.