Being attracted to Girls

It's okay to ask if you're not sure about something. I do think you're overthinking it a bit though friendo.

Porn girls=bad
Real girls=good
Attractive real girls=great!

I'll admit I don't have the stones for the cold approach, but hey man there's no harm in trying! Go for it!

 

I enjoy this question. When people start NoFap after a few weeks they have great courage to enjoy interactions with other women but then one has to question ones motivation am I getting into this purely or first and foremost for the pleasure or to get something out of the women for me? If the answer is yes which it probably will be then one has to recognise that and check is that what the other women wants too. I have noticed with some of my friends if they are up front with a girl and say that I am looking for sex the women sometimes responds positively with their honesty and gives a straight yes or no answer. This can be quite refreshing. Although this kind of relationship is like a one night stand and animalistic it is recognising that animal nature in oneself and not being shy about it. However is you want to have a deep spiritual experience with a women then first you have to recognise that she is a human being just like you wants to be happy and free from suffering just like you and everyone else and you hope that she has similar intentions to you. I found a women like this not so long ago but she was just out of a relationship and I had just gone through my 90 days so I did not go through with it. Either activity I would be happy doing once both people understand. One is the one night stand and the second which is much deep is the spiritual bonding. With either of these it does not mean that we have to start a relationship or get married it is a way of boosting once own confidence and well being. If this is achieved then it is successful. If you go away empty and needing more then it is not. Of course you will go away wanting more so that is why I don't bother and am just happy the way I am without searching for women.

 

So it sounds like you are talking about really random women... how often does it happen that you come across one you find attractive?
I also see a lot of hot girls on the street, but that does not mean I will ever seriously imagine getting close to them, or even talking to them for sake of it at all. You can try of course, if you like to. You can also do it like some guy on Youtube who approached random women on the street asking if they want to have sex with him. If I remember right, 2 out of 100 responded yes. But as soon as you make women that replacable, you are definitely objectifiying them. Ask yourself if that is what you really want. Personally, I would avoid getting close to women that seem replacable to me, as it is certainly not feeding the better sides of myself.

 

that is realistic. also wanted to express this. yes when you understand this that very few if not hardly any of them are a match it reduces craving a lot this is realistically the way it is. Most are married, the wrong age, have a boyfriend or you just would not really go there. No why all the delusional fantasy???

 

Do you mean let it happen naturally?

 

I think seeing an attractive person and wanting to be close to them is actually the beginning of developing relationships with people. It could end in friendship, sex, long term commitment, anything really. I think the next logical step is to talk to that person of course! Then when you get to know them you can decide if they are worth your time or not.

 

Okay but it's not like all the pretty women are vapid whores who are not marriage material right? There's definitely a chance that some of these girls you're eyeing could be both attractive AND have a great personality! How do they not fit you? Surely not all these girls you're attracted to wouldn't be a good fit for you. I mean are you going to pro-actively seek out the not so attractive ones because you think they might be more inclined to be better people? Doesn't make much sense to me. Please don't set yourself down a mindset akin to "Well I guess I'm just in for the not-so pretty women" or something like that. There's nothing wrong with sexual attraction. We're all human, and humans are inclined to like other humans with nice physical traits.

Look if you're set on dating women for a while first to get to know them (nothing wrong with that) then why not take those chances on girls you're attracted to!

 

We're attracted to pretty girls. We put them on a pedestal even if they're lousy people. We judge them with our eyes first then our brains. It's the age-old compromise: looks vs. personality.

 

Well... I don't know honestly. What does "naturally" mean in the end? I really am not the best person to ask about hitting on girls.
What I know is that I used to worry too much about random girls on the street when I was just physically attracted to them, nothing more. I had the impression that the OP is in a similar situation. Letting go of these worries and stop seeing every woman as possible dating material is certainly better for your recovery from PMO.

Relax. Take your time. Your girlfriend doesn't have to be a model, she doesn't even have to be pretty, but it is important that you feel attracted to her. There are some less pretty women who have such a good heart that they will make you feel attracted to them nevertheless. If they don't, they're not the right ones. You don't have to date many women if you don't want to, and you don't have to try to fit them into a pattern. You don't have to go a certain way. Just wait, get rid of PMO, do what you like, hang out with the people you like and wait until you meet a woman you really like. Try to approach that woman, and see how she reacts.

This is my opinion, based on my own experience. I see that LightlySaltedTarako makes quite a different statement. You need to decide for yourself.

 

You will never know how good (or bad) these girls are, beyond their looks, until you start meeting them and finding out for yourself.
We live in a society where the man is supposed to ask out the girl, so if you don't proactively go out and try to meet girls, you're never going to get one.
You're never going to know what type of girl you truly like (beyond physical attraction) until you start getting to know some girls.

 

If you think someone is attractive, talk to them. If they're as pretty on the inside as they are on the outside, good for you, if not you can move on. It's that simple. And no it's not shallow. Women are the same way. Physical attraction and chemistry are both important.

 

Laaaawwwwdy lawd! Amen brother.

This is really good advice and pretty much what I'm doing right now. I mean we all here should really be focusing on the PMO thing right! Take your time!

And yeah I guess I was trying to say something more along the lines of -------> You could have:

A. A pretty girlfriend with a meh personality
B. A not-so pretty girlfriend with a great personality
C. An absolutely beautiful girlfriend with a a wonderful personality!

I mean don't get me wrong do what you want and keep focused on eradicating the PMO problem, but hey when the time comes to look for a woman why not go for gold!

 

That happened to be a couple times during my first few times of pmo NoFap, I recall one moment were I felt like a stalkerish eagle so I had to change the way I look at random pretty women on the street, I can't help the way I feel but I can control my eyes, so what i do is just look away slowly after having a little graze just to check out whats on offer then shift my eye balls away. I can still see her in my peripheral vision but I don't care, theres plenty of other dudes out there to boost her ego by gawking at her, I hear women secretly love that even tho they pretend that they don't but I guess it really depends on who you are... The shift from Creepy to cute can go in either direction whether they find you attractive or not.

 

You definitely need to be sexually attracted to the person you are in a romantic relationship with. Whether it is their looks first or their personality it still has to jive with you. Not all ugly girls have great personalities and not all hot girls are vapid idiots. Also what you think is "hot" someone else might fund "ugly" so there is unique tastes to consider.

For example I was not that physically attracted to my husband but we became friends and his personality is why I started to become attracted to him. This is why it's important to talk to lots of girls not just hot ones. Someone mildly attractive could become gorgeus in your eyes once you get to know her, or you could fall in love with a "hot" girls spirit and kindness.

 

Here's the Taoist viewpoint,

When you do NoFap (retain semen) your masculine energy increases. It's not just testosterone but what has been referred to as Yang energy. Women have a higher level of Yin energy.

So this is just basic magnetic attraction. Yin balences Yang. It doesn't really mean anything, don't get confused by it. You don't necessarily want that woman just a woman.

You will need to look beyond the attraction as you have already mentioned. We need real compatibility in a partner.