Being Asain, dating, and the typical stereotype

I've heard these stereotypes and have encountered these stigmas one too many times. For this particular thread, I want to let you all know that I'm an Asian American and has lived in the US for 22 years. Growing up, I've made friends with all races (white, black, Hispanic, etc.) However, when it came to dating, it was difficult for me and my Asian friends. Some of the problems stem from living in an area where a majority of the population was white, or it was conflicts regarding cultural values, or maybe, it was simply us not being confident with ourselves.

In my case, my family was very traditional, and for me, it would have been awkward for me to date someone outside my own race. Not to mention I was the oldest son in the family. On the other hand, I've been doing a lot of research on the dating scene regarding Asian men and interracial dating. One issue that’s involved is the old stereotype that depicts male Asians as nerdy, boring, and studious to the point of having no social life, and so on. And when it came to dating, they were considered unfavorable by most women of the American society. This has been going on for decades in social media, movies and so on.

I really don’t have anything against the people who portray Asian men like this. If they want to do this, that's fine. But it's not fair for other Asian men, especially those who are growing up at a small age, to realize that dating women outside their race is possible. I feel it’s because of these stereotypes alone. Not to mention, it’s very discouraging to these young boys knowing what they're seeing on TV or social media is actually a reality. In fact, the ratio of an Asian woman being in a relationship with a white male outnumbers an Asian man with a white woman 4 to 1. Also 40% of Asian women will end up dating a non-Asian man in the US. As you can see, this can be frustrating. It certainly was for me.

But slowly, people are recognizing these false statements of Asian men and everything that's associated with the typical Asian male "stereotype." Even though I'm 28, I'm still having trouble accepting this fact. In terms of dating, I've tried to go beyond the boundaries, but hesitate at the thought of my family traditions. Yet there are so many conflicts that Asian men must face when it comes to interracial dating. I just hope the younger generations have more freedom than I did, and maybe in the future, these stereotypes will gradually disappear.

I believe we're all capable of dating anyone we want as long as we're confident in ourselves. I've learned this fact the hard way, and it took a lot of hard work to be comfortable around women of different races. I'm not the greatest when it comes to women, but I've definitely approved over the years. I don't let these stereotypes bother me anymore. And I'm hoping that people from all races respect one another when it comes to dating.

 

Yes, I agree with racism which is a huge problem. There are also many other factors when it comes interracial dating, and in my case, it was really complicated because of my background. That's why I hope other guys who are not like me will enjoy the privilege of interracial dating. However, there are obstacles that the couple must face such as meeting each other's parents, discrimination from outsiders, and so on.

As far as Asian women go, it's something that I must accept. They call it "yellow fever", and for some strange reason, most women from Asia really do prefer white men. There is a history to it though which involves wars from Asian countries, the history of American soldiers bringing Asian women to the US, and so on. It has to do with physical features as Asian women prefer men who are bigger, stronger, and more masculine which is the typical white man. Nowadays, more Asian women are attracted to white men than ever before and vice versa.

Honestly, it's extremely frustrating that this is becoming a reality. But am I ashamed of being an Asian man living in an era where dating is so biased when it comes to ethnicity? Not really. At the same time, we must follow the cultural standards of our parents, and because of that, it's hard for Asian men like myself to accept this fact. I guess that's something I must accept, but like I said, I hope there are more fortunate ones than me.

 

For me, it's the total opposite lol. Even though I do prefer Asian women and sometimes white women, I've thought of dating Latina and Hispanic females. For some reason, I find them irresistible. And it's actually true that when it comes to preferences, Asian men tend to like Hispanic/Latina women. Weird huh?

In fact, I had a huge crush once on this girl years ago who was half Dominican and half Puerto Rican. She had a nice curvaceous body, beautiful light skin, light brown hair, and bright hazel eyes. Also, my high school crush was actually a Latina chick. Sorry for going off topic, but I can't get enough of them.

And yes, I agree, it really depends on where you are. I can't imagine seeing too many Asian bookworms in the slums of Los Angeles any time soon. For me, I live in New England, where the Asian population is very small, and most of the people there are middle and upper class. Therefore, you don't see too many Asian thugs running around. Out of all the years I've learned in this area, I rarely see an Asian dude in the front news committing a crime. It would just be weird because in most cases, they were well educated and better off.

 

Yeah, I do get your point, but hear me out for a minute. First of all, I don't believe that women aren't attracted to me because of my behaviors and attitudes. Why? Because this is something that I keep to myself which is more of an judgement than anything else. My behaviors and attitudes towards women are actually the opposite. I, too, had family abuse and suffered at the hands of porn addiction as well. As for females, however, ever since the day I joined Nofap, my ability to communicate with women has improved. I have female friends including their numbers, and my first kiss was with a white girl. All of this was through hard work and a commitment to self improvement, so be careful before you judge people.

Having said that, maybe I wasn't very clear on my thread and I seemed to go all over place, so I do apologize. But since it's mostly me you're referring to, we'll focus on that. Imagine being the oldest son, and imagine having parents that are not only elderly, but highly religious and focused on cultural values. Finally, imagine your dad as a Buddhist monk. I mean, my younger brothers all had girlfriends before I did. So as you can see, it's not that easy for me. Sure, I can talk to women, but when it comes to dating, I feel uneasy. If I wasn't so heavily influenced by my parents and my culture, then fuck yeah, I would date anyone regardless of race. I would date a Latina for all I know.

But yeah, sorry for going off, but please try to understand what people are doing through. I guarantee you that if you were in my shoes, you'd be feeling the same way. Sometimes I just wished that I didn't have to live this way. Don't you get it? I can literally date whoever I want to if I wasn't so obligated to my parents expectations. I just don't want my dad to disapprove of me. And this is why I've developed this way; and it makes me so frustrated. Anyway, enough of my crap, you get the point. And sorry if I was going off.

 

Find a balance my friend. When I was in college, the first few years was all study, study, study. Not to mention I was a pretty shy guy who had no experience in talking to females. Sure, my grades were good, but I realized how much I was missing. You don't have to walk up to females and talk with them straight away, but rather, work your way up to it. For me, I joined a club, because I knew that it had people. Ironically, it was called the multicultural club where students of all races are welcome.

Believe me, I was in the same position as you were. But it's never too late to change who you are. If you worked just as hard as I did, I will guarantee you that you'll more proud of yourself. The key to my success was trying new things no matter how small or big. It could be something simple as joining a club or trying something to get out of your comfort zone. I even did public speaking in front 300 people! So there you go, plus I was shy.

I know that this may overwhelm you, but you can and will do it. It just takes time, and if I knew that grades AND doing other things were equally important, I would have had a great college experience. In the end, it's not just your academic skills, but your ability to connect with people which is critical for life opportunities (and future dates and relationships with women) So, take my advice, and start changing yourself today. It will take time, but you'll get there sooner or later. Hopefully this helps.

 

Ah yes, the old biology thing. This is something that will never change. If you read my later posts, you would understand just as much as DonDraper will. Besides biology, it's social media, culture, interpersonal conflicts, and so on that's the issue. The more conflicts you have, the larger the problem such as in my case. However, if you ever see those Asian drama shows, there are in fact, a lot of handsome Asian men and beautiful Asian women.

Biology does prove a point, but that doesn't mean that it plays a huge role in defining which race is better looking. You'd be surprised if you ever went to a few Asian countries. Having said that, when it comes to living in an American society, Asian men do have a disadvantage. But the way I look at it is this: The whole stereotype is changing, and it's because Asian men are not tolerating it any longer. Dude, I have a Asian friend who got hooked up with this beautiful white chick, so it shows that Asian guys just need to be more aggressive and break through the typical stereotype.

In my own experience with women, it doesn't matter if my biology helps me out or not, but women seem to like my charm. I'm not the most handsome, outgoing, or funniest person, but I click with them in a certain way. I'd rather be a small Asian guy who can talk to women than a white, black, or Hispanic guy who can't. Even if their biology had an upper hand, if they can't get some, then there's no point. I'd rather look up to my Asian friend for confidence and advice than anyone else.

 

Yeah that seems pretty relevant in my area, although it's not exactly the way that you've described. However, one thing I've noticed a lot is when it comes to relationships, Asian women are seen more often with white men. Sometimes I would assume that since because they're so Americanized and not as obligated to cultural values as Asian men do, that adapting is more comfortable for them. On the other hand, out of all the 22 years that I've lived in New England, it's rare that I ever see an Asian guy with a white girl. More often than not, I usually see a group of Asians hanging out that are males and females, but I don't see any other group that's diverse as much. It's just that the Asian community is so small that it makes sense. You're more comfortable around who are similar to you.

Other than that, I really don't know what to tell you. As far as I'm concerned, Asian men have a LOT of responsibility when it comes to cultural values. And for Asian men to date or marry another women besides their own would be looked down upon. It's obvious that you know that most Asian cultures have strong moral values when it comes to education, parenthood, and a list of other ethical components. And it's possible that their parents don't want them to be influenced by the American society, which also includes, hanging out with other people of different races. The biggest reason is because the parents are afraid that Asian men will lose their heritage.

 

Canada also has Asian people