Been addicted to pmo since 2006... & it's only gotten worse.

Hi everyone, it's good to be here, as the title says, i've been trapped by this for quite a long while, i've tried stopping many times, think the most i've made it was a month. I'm currently 30, so it's been over 15 yrs. I joined nofap before, deleted my account, now i'm back. i'm ready to fucking do away with this.

Where i'm at now...

camgirl/of addiction (basically have no job & i'm spending what little money I have left..., have a gf but that doesn't seem to matter. this started appearing around 2019.)

exhibitionist tendencies that I 80% of the time act out on (had more than a few close calls being seen.)

edging/binging for hours until physically & mentally in pain (i've caused actual damage to my d this past summer, which got better thankfully but it really let me know that i'm overdoing it, & the mental damage feels like i'm putting a literal hole in my brain.)

not pursuing my goals, (not looking for a job, avoiding social situations) I'm currently in a situation where I don't need to pay bills really, but i'm doing absolutely nothing to save my money, I delivery drive but it's not enough.

Anyways... I sure this might sound familiar to a lot of you. I'm at a place where I need to start rewiring before things get worse, which feels crazy because i've fallen so far, but, guess what, there is ALWAYS hope. I've been to extremely dark places but I'm ready to do the work, hence why i'm here again.

For positives, here's what helps me to actually get a streak going:

Meditation: For me, every time I really try to stick to meditation it helps A LOT. I struggle with anxiety/depression/negative self-worth & it really dulls the knife & makes the urges/everything more bearable, if you haven't tried this yet I strongly recommend you give it a shot as it might actually work for you, be consistent though to reap the benefits, do at least 20 mins a day.

No caffeine: I'm sensitive to this stuff personally, but I love it at the same time, which is an issue. When I cut it out though the peace is great, my brain unfortunately confuses the cortisol with horniness & it makes it double hard to not relapse, so for me, my goal is to eliminate it completely.

Exercise: don't sit down! do something where you're moving, preferable when it makes you sweat, it'll make a huge difference.

 

Update: though my day counter on here says 5 days, I have another on my phone that says 7, so i'm a week in! I've been successful at not viewing & I think I have meditation/thc edibles to thank for that, i'm still feeling pretty chill. Had some close calls but I've been really conscious about observing my negative feelings vs acting/trying to tune them out. I'm feeling confident i'll be able to reach 2 weeks which I probably haven't done with this dedication & focus since 2019... which would be huge! I'll report back.

 

Update: So I looked today.. max of 20 mins, didn't O but I edged a little bit.. just updated the day counter. Ended up O'ing yesterday (without looking at p) because I wanted release, was fine but then the chaser effect creeped in, which is always so hard for me. Basically, yesterday was psychologically torture. I think drinking alcohol over the weekend triggered it (not surprising). I'm a little bummed but I fought like hell for the first time in a long time, & as long as i'm making progress I'm not going to let it bother me. Time to start again!

 

Update 2: I had a slip up & failed, went to a camsite, did not give anyone my money, deactivated my account & burner email associated with it, watched regular porn instead. had an issue with payment a few weeks ago where i had to call my bank a few times, could only connect my personal paypal, no thanks. Here's again to a fresh start, have to beat my 10 day streak...