So despite avoiding pornography, gloryholes, and prostitues. I have been involved in BDSM as well. I am diagnosed with sexual addiction by my therapist and also ADD (which is a different story). I am struggling in a area of justification. I am avoiding porn and masturbation however I am accumulating submissives and multiple partners. Everbody knows about everybody else and is okay with it and I am just thinking to myself like hey man its a healthy sex life this is fine. But at the same time I don't know like am I just fucking myself over is this resetting or am I just not giving into porn because of the novelty of new, multiple, and kinky partners. If all these partners vanish (which will inevitably happen as we age) am I going to be sucked back into pornography. As somebody who is a fan of multiple partners and kink who has had access to it often I circle back to... is this problematic behavior? I know society frowns upon it and I know orgasming in general is not the best for rebooting but can I even reboot at all and still live this lifestyle. Its more then the sex for me I enjoy the friendship and connection and well everything about the lifestyle. I am struggling with my worldview, the science, and when/where to call it quits. Having the multiple submissives gives me confidence and (I would like to think) enables me in life. I have less anxiety and believe I am more productive/organized as opposed to when I binge watch porn all day I feel disgusting and my social skills get smacked down plus the anxiety and depression that arises. I enjoy the feeling of being needed that the submissives provide me. I can't afford to sit at home and do nothing all day I have people to impress! I need to learn and study and further my career and go do interesting things and gain experience I can use to help my submissives in life. Because of this want I pursue other service activities such as training therapy dogs, going for positions in the board of education (unpaid, unbiased, no kickbacks) and even view my career as one that is beneficial to society. But despite that I feel like something is missing and the submissives help fill that void... IDK maybe as I talk more to my therapist it will be that I have deeper underlying issues or I am a sociopath... But is having fun consensual sex while building mutual relationships with people who strive to better each other really a bad thing? especially if it makes me feel better... Just my thoughts and rants I would have probably put this in my personal journal but in the place I am right now I thought it would be a better post on here. I would want to hear some peoples thoughts.. on the morality/ethics... the science behind the reboot or therapy to help... has anybody else been in the bdsm lifestyle...
