Bad Beginning

Hello... like many of you, i'm in this fight of trying to kill porn out of my life for many years, trying again now, i'm on day 4 (i know is to early to take any conclusions, but i want to share anyways), this time though i'm under some different circunstances, i dont know if this has something to do with how i feel, so want your opnions.

I think around 1 month ago, i decided to cut out facebook and instagram of my life (deactivated), stayed only with youtube, the reason for that is i wanted to focus more on studying, strangely enough i feel with didn't help with that, maybe because i already passed the test i wanted even before cutting the SM. So, no more Social Media, i kinda miss it sometimes, but nothing too bad.

I also returned to the gym last week, i'm very easy to grow, i already have a good physique (i'm 30 yrs btw), i was so motivated. And then i decided to start nofap again, starting this week. So far so good.

Day 1 and 2 was ok, but already started feeling something diferent, suddenly i've got no more patience for doing things i like, like watching anime on Netflix, playing fallout, among other things, anxiety i guess? You tell me. Also started feeling more lonely and depressed then normal...

Before continuing, i think i need to give some more background of my life.

So.. as i said, i'm 30, single for 1.5 year and still having some feelings for my ex, for she was my only girlfriend and we dated 8 years, she is easy 9/10 or even 10/10. I still have contact with her since we live in a small town, we often see each other... she even invites me sometimes for hangout with friends, she is a good person.

I'm avarage looking, when i'm feeling good i would say 7/10. The worst for me lately is that i'm broke, i have virtually no car, cant afford nice places and other things. I'm in this situation for quite some time now and that is the why i'm studying, i already passed the test to become a police investigator, so my situation will get better but still only next year.

Currently i'm talking to no girl, dont know what is sex for a good time now, no significant relationships (think that relates to my lack of confidence for being broke) i'm often feeling lonely and depressed, some days worst than others, but i learned to bear, grew accustomed to that.

But back to nofap, i began to feel much more depressed and lonely on day 3 and 4 (today) than usual, also having trouble sleeping... dont know why, maybe because the cut of so many sources of dopamine like fapping and SM. I'm depressed to the point, i'm not really having heavy urges (i always relapsed at the beginning for i had so strong urges), i simply dont have the mood to fap. I'm starting to feel really really bad, and this is scaring me.

So, if you got this far sorry for the long text, sorry for my english, not my native language, and thank you for reading, I would appreciate any thoghts and opnions about all the above. Thank you again!

 

Well i'm in a financial hardship a long time now, even in my dating, knowing it will get better its a little relief. Today i almost did not went to the gym, but i remebered your comment and it gave me strengh to go. Thank you!

 

I think you described it very well... i'm starting, slowly, to see the bigger picture, sometimes we narrow our vision and focus only in the pain and forget the process, the Journey. Its the night becoming darker before de dawn, we have to remember this and you helped me. I'm feeling a bit of happyness to see that some people still care, like you, lost your time to read and help a complete stranger, warms my heart. I didnt expect replys.. So Thank very much!