Backseat Thoughts

There's a man sitting behind you, you never see him, no one does, he sits in silence and watches you. 24/7 all the time no stops no breaks he watches you in silence. Sometimes it's been so long since he last spoke that you forget he's there. But then you live your life and something happens, or maybe nothing at all, but he can feel something is different, that the time is right, and he finally whispers. He whispers and whispers, lips pressed against your ears, he whispers into both ears at once. Mouthing words of self-destruction he plants his own thoughts inside you, he uses your words, he has your voice, and he whispers, he tells you what you want, he tells you how much you want it, he tells you It's all right, he tells you deserve it, he tells you lies about the good, he tells you lies about the bad, he tells you that everything is bad, there is no good left. And then he stabs his hand inside your chest and grabs your lungs, grabs your heart, grabs your throat and squeezes hard, he seized control of your feelings now, he lets you feel how bad everything really is, no matter how good you think you felt moments ago, he promises you that you're having trouble remembering, that it was this bad all along, it always was, except when you used, he lets go of your heart, and lungs, and throat just a bit, and whispers all about the last time you used, he describes in detail all the little things you did, how much you loved them, and then he squeezes hard, real hard, and talks louder now, he tells you that you hated everything else since then, he tells you that pain is caused by the world and that the only natural way to get rid of it is by using, he promises you it will feel good, you will feel better he says, this time will be different, he PROMISES. But then you remember, you've heard all that shit before, the last time, and the time before that and the hundreds of times before, Thousands. It never was different you never did feel good after, and it wasn't bad moments ago, it was fantastic, or okay, or maybe it was crappy, but it only started hurting when he came in the picture, when he started whispering, when he took hold of your heart, and lungs, and throat. By this pointing he's shouting in into your ears, spit flying out, his face is red and a vein sticks in the forehead, he squeezes your heart, and lungs, and throat as hard as he can, and you can't breathe, and everything else starts spinning, and he's shouting hard, and your ears hurt and you can't hear anything else except for his words, and he screams and orders you to use, he orders you to use NOW, He shouts about the meaningless of anything else, he squeezes stronger than ever, and you feel like you drowning, you can't breathe, blood cant reach your brain, and he doesn't stop, and slowly he starts whispering again, almost kindly, he tells you about the good times you've had, he's sorry for hurting you, but says you're actually doing it to yourself, by not using, by waiting, by avoiding him, by ignoring his words, and you sit there paralyzed with pain, and distress and all you can do is breath, in and out and try to focus on your breath, you don't listen to his words, you don't listen to his voice that he uses as your own, you breathe, in and out and focus on breathing in,,,,,
and out...
In...
And out...
And in... and out...
And after some time you notice the man is barely audible, maybe he says some things in the background, whispering between your thoughts, but it's not that bad by now, you can almost forget him, and with time you do, and with time he'll come back, and he'll try to whisper thoughts inside your head, and he'll use your words, and he'll use your voice, and you'll remember that he leaves, eventually he leaves, he isn't permeant, he can't be, He fades and quiets time and just as he shows up and fades away, and all you have to do is think about your breath, his words like poison, his grip like claws of a wilder beast, his promises like Cotton candy, melting and warm and sweet, but he brings the pain and once you ignore him he'll take it away, because the pain only lasts as long as he does.