Around 60: The Power of Incremental Change and It Is Only a Failure If You Quit

DjAng0 · Feb 7, 2018

Destroyporn said: ↑

All the best man, very inspiring. Life keeps on moving and I am sure the perfect girl will come soon and you are prepared to meet her.
Click to expand...

The perfect girl?

Bubs what planet are you on?

Are we perfect?

Shoot I'd settle for an octogirl right about now.

DjAng0 · Feb 7, 2018

Aradesh said: ↑

Background:
- 33 year-old male, single
- masturbation since ~9-10 years old; memory and magazines first, then pics on the internet, videos and high-speed porn.
- long history of anxiety and added depression about 6 years ago
- two serious relationships (6 and 2 years) utterly destroyed by porn and masturbation addiction as well as computer gaming addiction and alcohol
- I'm on around my 60th day, after 4 years of observing NoFap and several unsuccessful attempts.

I've had enough and am really serious about making changes in my life and reach my goals: to learn how to drive, get out of debt, buy a house and start a family with a beautiful and caring girl (in random order). I say absolutely no way to porn, masturbation and alcohol and working on reducing the time spent on other unproductive activities. I take small steps every day and don't beat myself down too much if I slip. The following activities are helping me stay on the course.

Running:
At first I didn't run, I walked. I chose a distance of about 5 miles, 2.5 miles each way. It was an unbearable torture and a massive chore to finish one length. I stopped and walked five times during the 2.5 mile run and at the end had to rest for 15 minutes and then walked back. Now, two months later, I run 2.5 miles without stopping and only a short break before running back.
Running works extremely well for me because you only need some comfortable trainers to start doing it, it is a fight against my own weaknesses, the progress I'm making is very tangible, plus it is good for my physical and mental health. It also shows me that I can achieve things by making a small progress every day. Running is becoming a habit now and habits are easier to stick to.
Music also helped immensely while running, especially uplifting EDM and Drum and Bass. Here are some tracks that I like:
- J Majik - Give It Up
- J Majik&Wickaman - Lift Me Up
- Subfocus - X RAY (Metrik remix)
- Zeds Dead&Jauz - Lights Go Down
- Delta Heavy - Nobody But You
- Biometrix - Fire
- Kavinsky - First Blood
- Tantrum Desire - Reach VIP

Touch Typing:
This is something that is not difficult to learn and you make progress every day. Essential if you want to get into coding. Also, the practice drills help you focus and take your mind off things. In a way it is similar to meditation once you get into a nice rhythm. I can comfortably write with the speed of 50-60 words per minute now.
I am also starting to learn coding and the fast typing skill makes you feel like a pro from the start.
Typist by Takeshi Ogihara is an excellent app to teach you how to type without looking at the keyboard.

Reading:
I am a big fan of reading books, both fiction and nonfiction. Started to read a lot of self-help books recently. It is very important thought not to take everything you read for granted and analyse it properly. Trying the new ways of behaving with people is extremely fun and rewarding because you begin to see outcomes you would never expect possible should you have stayed in your old routines.
Some books I recommend:
Caroline Webb - How to Have a Good Day
Robert Albert - Your Perfect Right
Ryan Holiday - The Daily Stoic, The Obstacle is the Way, Ego Is the Enemy
Charles Duhigg - The Power of Habit
Stephen R. Covey - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Thubten Chodron - Buddhism for Beginners
S N Goenka - The Art of Living
David Schwartz - The Magic of Thinking Big
Dale Carnegie - How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, How to Win Friends and Influence People
Dalai Lama - The Art of Happiness

No Social Media
Deleted all social media. Created a secret facebook account just for a few friends and family members because I live abroad. Unfollowed everyone and only go there if I have a message on Messenger. No Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Tumblr or others - I don't need to make myself feel worse by watching other people's perfect (so it seems) life and by comparing myself to others.

Getting Out Of Comfort Zone
I try a little every day to try behaviours that I never thought of before or do things I've never done and it is very empowering to observe the outcomes. I almost started to treat it like an RPG game where I start at lvl 1 and slowly but surely build my character (myself) to power (but in real life!). It is so much more rewarding than sitting at home masturbating to porn, watching youtube videos and slaying another monster in a game.

I do understand that my abstinence of around 60 days is just the beginning of a live long journey. No one is perfect and I have worse days and I still let myself down with certain things such as tidiness, procrastination, junk food etc. But now I see a light at the end of the tunnel and know that with a little persistence anything can be achieved. And I wish the same to all of you.

Aradesh

PS: Last Sunday I visited a local art gallery and met this very cute girl that works there. I chatted with her for a while about the exhibition and left but I am going back there this Sunday to ask her out. The worst that can happen is she says no and I am where I started. But if she says yes it can be a beginning of a new chapter in my life. Wish me luck.

Click to expand...

Nice stuff brother!

Deleted Account · Feb 7, 2018

DjAng0 said: ↑

What about a girl who don't play? Whaddaya say to that one?
Click to expand...

THIS

leah88 · Feb 7, 2018

hi there, before reading the result about the girl i really wanted to write to tell you- you're boyfriend material! Honest, hard working, inspiring, happy, giving, motivated, self fulfilled.
this journey isn't easy and it takes hard work to build the life you want, so i thought it important to encourage you and tell you those are the things girls look for. Working so hard on myself personally, i know hearing that would give me a boost.
so just wanted to share and to encourage you
best of luck!

Deleted Account · Feb 7, 2018

Thank you @leah88 , wanna hook up?

On a serious note thanks for your kind words, you can't imagine how they lifted me up. I'm sure you have great things going for you as well, keep working hard and the sky is the limit! And congrats on the 17 days

leah88 · Feb 7, 2018

thank you to you too, your words mean the same! And hells yeah!

All the best, thanks for inspiring us all

L

Deleted Account · Feb 9, 2018

Just wanted to add another great book to the table - Advice Not Given by Dr Mark Epstein. It isn’t very long but it is very informative on the topic of surrendering your Ego and the Buddhism’s eightfold path. Great real life examples too.

Deleted Account · Feb 15, 2018

Had an interesting experience today. Have been applying for jobs recently and got my first rejection email and immediately felt a massive urge to fap to make me feel better. Long-time habits do die hard. Looks like the next two weeks are going to be super hard. But, as they say, no pain no gain

Deleted Account · Feb 16, 2018

Just came (the book, not me ). Have had it on kindle but had to buy a paperback, it is that good.

finnawin · Feb 16, 2018

Thanks for your story, it was encouraging!

will master · Feb 17, 2018

Aradesh said: ↑

Background:
- 33 year-old male, single
- masturbation since ~9-10 years old; memory and magazines first, then pics on the internet, videos and high-speed porn.
- long history of anxiety and added depression about 6 years ago
- two serious relationships (6 and 2 years) utterly destroyed by porn and masturbation addiction as well as computer gaming addiction and alcohol
- I'm on around my 60th day, after 4 years of observing NoFap and several unsuccessful attempts.

I've had enough and am really serious about making changes in my life and reach my goals: to learn how to drive, get out of debt, buy a house and start a family with a beautiful and caring girl (in random order). I say absolutely no way to porn, masturbation and alcohol and working on reducing the time spent on other unproductive activities. I take small steps every day and don't beat myself down too much if I slip. The following activities are helping me stay on the course.

Running:
At first I didn't run, I walked. I chose a distance of about 5 miles, 2.5 miles each way. It was an unbearable torture and a massive chore to finish one length. I stopped and walked five times during the 2.5 mile run and at the end had to rest for 15 minutes and then walked back. Now, two months later, I run 2.5 miles without stopping and only a short break before running back.
Running works extremely well for me because you only need some comfortable trainers to start doing it, it is a fight against my own weaknesses, the progress I'm making is very tangible, plus it is good for my physical and mental health. It also shows me that I can achieve things by making a small progress every day. Running is becoming a habit now and habits are easier to stick to.
Music also helped immensely while running, especially uplifting EDM and Drum and Bass. Here are some tracks that I like:
- J Majik - Give It Up
- J Majik&Wickaman - Lift Me Up
- Subfocus - X RAY (Metrik remix)
- Zeds Dead&Jauz - Lights Go Down
- Delta Heavy - Nobody But You
- Biometrix - Fire
- Kavinsky - First Blood
- Tantrum Desire - Reach VIP

Touch Typing:
This is something that is not difficult to learn and you make progress every day. Essential if you want to get into coding. Also, the practice drills help you focus and take your mind off things. In a way it is similar to meditation once you get into a nice rhythm. I can comfortably write with the speed of 50-60 words per minute now.
I am also starting to learn coding and the fast typing skill makes you feel like a pro from the start.
Typist by Takeshi Ogihara is an excellent app to teach you how to type without looking at the keyboard.

Reading:
I am a big fan of reading books, both fiction and nonfiction. Started to read a lot of self-help books recently. It is very important thought not to take everything you read for granted and analyse it properly. Trying the new ways of behaving with people is extremely fun and rewarding because you begin to see outcomes you would never expect possible should you have stayed in your old routines.
Some books I recommend:
Caroline Webb - How to Have a Good Day
Robert Albert - Your Perfect Right
Ryan Holiday - The Daily Stoic, The Obstacle is the Way, Ego Is the Enemy
Charles Duhigg - The Power of Habit
Stephen R. Covey - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
Thubten Chodron - Buddhism for Beginners
S N Goenka - The Art of Living
David Schwartz - The Magic of Thinking Big
Dale Carnegie - How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, How to Win Friends and Influence People
Dalai Lama - The Art of Happiness

No Social Media
Deleted all social media. Created a secret facebook account just for a few friends and family members because I live abroad. Unfollowed everyone and only go there if I have a message on Messenger. No Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat, Tumblr or others - I don't need to make myself feel worse by watching other people's perfect (so it seems) life and by comparing myself to others.

Getting Out Of Comfort Zone
I try a little every day to try behaviours that I never thought of before or do things I've never done and it is very empowering to observe the outcomes. I almost started to treat it like an RPG game where I start at lvl 1 and slowly but surely build my character (myself) to power (but in real life!). It is so much more rewarding than sitting at home masturbating to porn, watching youtube videos and slaying another monster in a game.

I do understand that my abstinence of around 60 days is just the beginning of a live long journey. No one is perfect and I have worse days and I still let myself down with certain things such as tidiness, procrastination, junk food etc. But now I see a light at the end of the tunnel and know that with a little persistence anything can be achieved. And I wish the same to all of you.

Aradesh

PS: Last Sunday I visited a local art gallery and met this very cute girl that works there. I chatted with her for a while about the exhibition and left but I am going back there this Sunday to ask her out. The worst that can happen is she says no and I am where I started. But if she says yes it can be a beginning of a new chapter in my life. Wish me luck.

Click to expand...

Besst of luck and keep going

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Around 60: The Power of Incremental Change and It Is Only a Failure If You Quit

DjAng0 Fapstronaut

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