Are you focused more on pleasing the woman than pleasing yourself during sex?

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ultrafabber, Apr 30, 2019.

Where is your focus during sex?

  1. Mostly focused on pleasing the woman

    9 vote(s)
    56.3%
  2. Usually focused on pleasing the woman

    2 vote(s)
    12.5%
  3. Usually focused on my own pleasure and how sex feels like

    4 vote(s)
    25.0%
  4. Mostly focused on my own pleasure and how sex feels like

    1 vote(s)
    6.3%
  1. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    I have a theory that the masturbation is something of a frustration which men do so that they can fully "let go", something that for various reasons (shame, guilt, fear etc) they can't do when they have sex.

    So masturbation "allows" men to be free of their obsession with pleasing the women and they can finally focus on themselves. (not that it's good)

    So i think people that get addicted to masturbation have this incentive to get addicted to it because they can experience things they can't experience in partnered sex because their focus during sex is on the woman. And men masturbate so that they don't have to ask women to do stuff they would want them to do.

    In my case, i can 100% say my focus was always on the woman and how to make her feel good to the point i wasn't feeling pleasure at all. I could never asked them to give me pleasure and even if they offered to i felt wrong about it. I was always satisfied on pleasing women, even if it wasn't sex related.

    What is your opinion?
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2019
    Nugget9, Epic Fight and JesusStrength like this.
  2. RamboErecto

    RamboErecto Fapstronaut

    PIED owners cant enjoy sex.

    So i guess i try to get them satisfied (with a dead penis)
     
  3. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    But were you ever more concerned about your own pleasure or it was always about her more?
     
  4. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    I am virgin, so I don't know, but I think the middle of the road approach is best.
     
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  5. InnerFaith

    InnerFaith Fapstronaut

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    even when i please a woman its because its giving me a pleasure to be on that position that i feel control and superiority, the pleasure of pleasing her is to see the surrender to sensation in her body.
    mostly im focused on my own sensations, but i do enjoy observing sexual surrender from her side and i am atentive enough to not be forceful or violent.
     
    Freedom_from_PMO likes this.
  6. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Is actual sex pleasurable to you?
     
  7. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    Sexual surrender was my big turn on in porn, I consumed lots of porn that was making me feeling submissive. However when porn is out of picture I am more into switching with some preference for gentle domination. I believe focusing too much on your or your partners pleasure is not good idea. Both parties should be satisfied and I don't like practices that might be pleasurable for me, but not so much for my partner.
     
  8. InnerFaith

    InnerFaith Fapstronaut

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    yeah, taking control.. thats is my pleasure
     
  9. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Well, that was my pleasure too, but i didn't actually feel physical sexual pleasure while doing so. It was a different kind of mental pleasure, like conquering a challenge. I am asking if you felt physical sex pleasure like you used to do when you were a teenager.
     
  10. InnerFaith

    InnerFaith Fapstronaut

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    well i got extremely strong sensations from some of the women i been with, that i still get flashback memories of the sex with them till this day..
    if i would go through all the details it will jsut be triggering
    however int the last years i barely do sex, having difficulty to manage a woman that i want to date me and i tryed many many time and will keep on trying..
    i need to work on myself, get in shape and improve my status in society.. being a student realy fucks you up financialy, and sadly money is what makes the world turn around.
    on the rare ocassion that i did have sex, i found out our personalities dosent match.
    so yeah, i dont miss the promiscous time that much, because it was always filled with fear to catch an std
     
  11. JesusStrength

    JesusStrength Fapstronaut

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    I rather please them.. And that gives me pleasure.. This made me see that I have been selfish by using porn. It has made me a self pleaser. It has adapted my penis and brain to please myself.
     
  12. I definitely had this kind of problem. I was so obsessed with ensuring that my partner thought I was the best lover ever that I was awful because I never stopped to consider what felt good for me.

    It’s obviously not a bad thing to focus on a partner’s wants and needs, but when it comes at your expense it’s a problem.
     
    Epic Fight likes this.
  13. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Did you solve it? How did you do it?
     
  14. Epic Fight

    Epic Fight Fapstronaut

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    Very innovative idea!!!!
     
  15. I've tried to stop putting so much pressure on myself to be the "best ever" and that's helped both of us to enjoy more.
     
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