Anxiety at bedtime?

I don’t sleep well with my husband. I sleep best when my daughter snuggles in and sleeps with me when my hubby is out of town. I’ve never slept well though, even as a child, my mind races too much. GABA and 5htp help a lot and mostly knock me out

 

@fadedfidelity I saw your post several days ago and wanted to reply but I admit it did slip my mind.
I too have a ton of difficulty around bedtime. I need to go to bed at a certain hour in order to get enough sleep in as exhaustion can be a major trigger for my epilepsy. 10pm is the usual time and it's definitely earlier than my partner would ideally go to bed, so navigating this has been difficult. If I go to bed and my partner is up, my mind keeps me awake with anxiety (is he watching P? what's he doing?) usually until he's in bed beside me because then I know that it's not happening. It often takes me a while to fall asleep, especially when my mind is racing. I also wake throughout the night every time he moves. I wasn't always a light sleeper, this began after a few occurrences where I woke up (like I'm sure many other women on this forum) to the sound and movement of him M'ing next to me while I slept. He has since stopped this (to my knowledge) but I wake with his movements regardless.
I would guess that the root of your trouble with bedtime stems from the betrayal trauma (perhaps there's a history of problematic behaviour on his part in bed on his own?) and I think once this anxiety seed is planted in your mind and you know that you're going to have a bad night sleep I think it does spin further out of control.
I honestly don't have a lot of advice to give. Have you tried journalling? I've been having a look at different methods and it does seem like a logical way to get those thoughts out of your head or perhaps just a little more organised..I admit that perhaps my anxiety is less right now, perhaps because I took a step back for my own sanity. However the step back is only temporary as it won't help our situation.
Sorry not to be much help, but I wanted you to know that I do understand *hugs*

 

So much anxiety! I can't sleep. I feel like he's going to/already has relapsed. It's affecting my ability to function during the day.
I feel for you and am brand new to this (only discovered this issue a couple weeks ago) so I can't offer much advice except to take care of yourself first and foremost. It's what I'm trying to do for myself.

 

I've dealt with anxiety at night for as long as I can remember, even before all this. I always tell myself three things:

1) Bed time is not the time to solve problems - it's the time to take care of myself and sleep
2) Everything always seems worse at night (even if it's not better in the morning, sleeping on it generally makes it clearer)
3) Even just lying bed is nearly as good for your body as sleeping

I also try to do some body-focused meditation, which normally relaxes me and distracts my mind enough to fall asleep. If I'm really having a hard time I cuddle with my childhood stuffed animal.

Is it the sleeping in the same bed as him that's causing you the anxiety? Could you two sleep in separate beds temporarily?