Angry and frustrated that I need to be here.

Your story unfortunately is very common among us. You are not alone. I know what it is like going through this and the impact on your partner/wife even if they don't know the whole story or how deep you are into it. Let me just say that you can do this, and I don't mean that as some empty platitude. I've made progress and it is not a linear situation, meaning you'll move forward and slip back sometimes, but as long as you keep getting up and trying again and persevere, you will get better and heal. Obviously I don't know you so take anything I say with that lens in mind, but what I hear in your post is isolation, shame, hopelessness and a feeling like you're stuck here and it will never get better. It can, but it takes a lot of work and action on your part. I know you consider yourself a private guy and difficult to open up, but that is a key to getting better. It is said that the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, but connection. If you're private and tend to isolate, that may be because you have a poor self-image and may think things like "I'm not good enough" or "I'm not wanted or appreciated" or "I can't do ______ like those guys", etc. This whole PMO addiction is borne in secrecy and isolation, and we've got to learn to come into the open, be honest with ourself and at least one other human being, and connect with others to be seen and known. I know how hard that is and how uncomfortable - been there. But you need to stretch yourself and take small steps to begin to unlearn those patterns. I believe that this is not something you can do by yourself. None of us have the individual will power and strength to do this on our own and it is folly to think otherwise. Yes, we can white-knuckle, use blockers, exercise more, work on a productive hobby, meditate, etc. which are all great things, but they are short-term fixes. I believe that until we understand what is behind our sexual compulsion/addiction and work on healing that, we won't see long-term success and will be stuck counting the latest number of days in a streak that is too short for our satisfaction. For me, it was working with a therapist, joining support groups (SAA and weekly NoFap group), having an accountability partner, eventually couples therapy, all have been what has helped me make progress. Is there a simple cure, hell no, or we'd all be taking that pill! But with work, persistence, educating yourself and most importantly, talking to another human being about your issue, you will make the long-term progress and change that you seek. This is a life-long journey; you don't reach nirvana and then it is all over, but you can get there. Wishing you only the best in your journey.