An Aspie newbie with an unusual porn addiction

Hi Y'all, new guy here. Long-time oddball in life with Asperger's Syndrome and anger management issues among other things. So clearly I was going to struggle regardless. But the thing I truly despise about myself is the form of porn addiction I got into. Word of warning, this isn't just an introduction for me, it's a way of venting.
Anyways, from a young age I developed a fear of the idea of being transformed. The only factor I can think of for certain that would have been the first is a certain Disney film. Pinnochio. Two words: Pleasure Island. Oh yes, a story with an unnatural version of child trafficking more terrifying than the original book version, that will be GREAT for kids of all ages! NOT!! *Sigh* I really hate that film. So do a lot of other people. Why they ever thought making a live-action remake was a good idea is beyond me. I can't get the original imagery and sounds out of my head to this day. Than in 5TH grade I saw Brother Bear, which was a more "positive" twist on the idea of a transformation theme. It turned toward a mixture of fear and fascination. It came to a head in middle school.
I don't remember why, but in English class we all used computers and had a surprising amount of freedom on there. For some reason I can't recall, I googled the idea of transformation stories. I came upon one of the oldest story sites. It went downhill from there. Not just stories, but comics and videos. That was nearly 20 years ago.
I was hooked into this. It turns out there's an entire subculture around the idea. People transforming into something and/or someone else. Animals, anthros, mythological creatures, aliens, the opposite sex, mutants, etc. What may surprise some of you is just how sensual it can be. It didn't feel that way to me at first, but after awhile it had an arrousing effect on me. I don't even think I've ever consciously desired that effect, but it sure didn't stop me from continuing. And as time goes on, I've seen the utterly vile dark side of this pleasure and how it relates to more "normal" kinks. =
Recently I've tried looking for opinions and reasons behind this. Some people, especially in stories regarding gender, view it as a way of relating to their own struggles. I can't apply that to myself. I'm not struggling with my identity, no matter my social difficulties. No, I look at this because for reasons I still don't understand, I enjoy it. The sight, description, or even sound of someone's body shifting into something it's not. It's mesmerizing in a way. It really shouldn't be.
Just as a small taste of what I've seen, here are some common themes and "tags" involved in these stories. Mind rape, actual rape, loss of identity, loss of humanity, loss of memories, feral, age regression, transformed to become pregnant, the mind is a plaything of the body, merging, etc. Most of these I've encountered not on hard-core porn sites, but artist and writing communities with very secure internet connections. Most of them with comments. Sure a small minority occasionally display disgust at the implications of what they're seeing, but the majority? They wish they could have that happen to them, or that this is "harmless" fun and not real. Well I call BS on that. It certainly hurts me and probably everyone else who willingly indulges in this. I have never derived any meaningful enjoyment from indulging in this. The dark things I've seen people do in this subculture and others in the name of pleasure are just maddening. Eventually I had an epiphany. Our entire sex and pleasure-crazed culture, with all it's filth, and those who feed it and partake of it, they are all just as depraved and sick as serial killers, if not more so. I'm quite certain that if the people making all this could do what they put into story from in real life, they would. Just as an example, in Star Trek the concept of the Holodecks and Holosuites lends itself to certain abuses. Crewmembers could create their own ideal sexual partners who they could do whatever they wanted with, guilt free. A virtual brothel, if you will. And in one Voyager episode, a crewmember transformed his friend's virtual girlfriend into a cow in front of him as a prank. The freaky thing is that this girl was part of a simulation whose inhabitants had become self-aware. Think about that for a moment. So much for the "enlightened, civilized" humanity of the future. G.K. Chesterton was correct in his assessment that mankind is not an animal but a monstrosity.
I've had a constant battle with this. I kick it for awhile, but even when I'm cut off from all forms of entertainment or anything else, I can still fantasize about it. Especially at night, when I lie in bed trying to sleep. I have trouble sleeping. The thoughts come far too easily. At this point I'm rather resigned to the idea that this is a lifelong ordeal for me. I can compare myself to Rich Mullins or Johnny Cash in that regards. I like those guys.
But still, it's hard. I've contemplated suicide a lot. It would be terribly easy. In the last week alone, I swear I've been emulating nervous visible behaviors common to certain mental conditions, if only because I find it liberating in a way.
I've still had some good in life. My family, friends, and church community have been really supportive. No being turned away (I do apologize to anyone who has had the opposite experience). A couple of good friends I can chat over lunch with. A therapist at a different church who gives me hope. I've finally channeled my creativity and admiration for a good story into my own writing career (turns out I'm great at it).
But still, I've often thought of being in a support group. Or at the very least having like minded individuals who share the pain to commiserate with. But as far I've been able to tell, there's no support group within comfortable driving distance in the area. And I hate driving enough as it is. But just yesterday, my wonderful younger brother recommended this site to me. I checked it out, this looks promising. This just might be what I need.
Anyways, please let me know what you think. I seem to have a knack for having trouble being heard in a group, even online. Which is a shame, because I am a great conversationalist when you get me talking.