Am I the Only One?

I'm joining this community not without some trepidation. Sharing this stuff is scary! here goes:

I'm a girl. I had been masterbating since I could remember (as early as age 6). I'm in my 40's now. I stumbled onto a 'girly mag' back when I was 11 in my friend's garage. Didn't think anything of it, just a natural thing to do and it felt good. I found written sexy material at the used book store...again I stumbled upon it. There wasn't anyone to tell me it was wrong. By the time I found a hardcore book, I felt ashamed and knew it must be wrong. But by then I was hooked. I always kept a stash of written material.

When internet porn came into existence, I turned to that - mostly to prevent family from coming accross my porn stash. I now exclusively use internet porn. Porn has not affected by Libido. I use maybe once or twice a week, it varies. I don't think about it, unless I naturally feel arousal, sometimes by thinking about my partner, often just all of a sudden for no reason. Usually in the daytime. Anyway it doesn't drive my behavior. But I'm dependant on it to orgasm. I might have done without it a handful of times in my life.

I have never orgasmed with a partner, male or female (I'm herterosexual if that matters). I've been married more than once. I can easily orgasm alone. I don't ever really get aroused enough with a partner. Bad partners have contributed to this.

So here I am, a new partner, a great partner. I want this fixed. And realized that I haven't even masterbated without porn since I was 14. Almost 30 years ago. And I found this site.

My hope is I reboot (my guess is it will take months) and start to feel more intense arousal during intimate times with my partner. Maybe even orgasm with him.

So I'm clearly going to try this PMO style. Mostly because the 'O', hasn't happened by default. The question is, should I prohibit 'o' attempts? I won't prohibit intimacy with my partner. Not an option for me that I find comfortable. But no P, no M and sadly, probably, no O.

Anyway. Hi!
-Jane