It ended on looking on not porn pics of few pornstars in google images. I feel like shit, probably that won't slow down healing process very much. But I have to go back to limited access to internet by porn blocker and anti porn browser. I'm lucky that I don't ended up pmo. Next time I need to remind myself earlier that all those pornstars are a prostitutes who don't care about me, they just want to have more porn junkies and money/fame. I'm 31 y.o and I trying to beat this addiction last 10 years. Still a virgin with no motivation or libido or feeling like I deserve real girlfriend.
I live in never ending flatline, don't see any chances to find girlfriend. In my brain it's like online prostitutes called pornstar are some substitute for girlfriend/relationship what I can't get in real life. I started thinking that for example, probably all girls in my job think about me like I'm some loser. I started typing pornstar name and find, what she think about nofap and porn addiction. I finded nothing, they give a shit about their viewers life or health. Typing pornstar name was enough to make body shaking like some junkie without drugs. I see that my brain slowly back to default setting, sometimes I fantazing about real girls and I feel like I instatly get little/more erection, or that feeling that I have sex drive to real girls. I decided to using porn blocker again, it's not safe at the moment to have full access to internet. I won't be risking going back to pmo and day1.
I keep going, but I still had short but strong urges, blue balls and I got problem with sleep. It's like addiction hit on me everything it got. Typing pornstar name in google/ pics in clothes is enough to almost ruined my streak and make me feel shitty.
