Afraid of deleting my porn collection

It's hard to delete my porn collection, just over a week a ago I deleted all the worst kind I had, bit by bit trying to delete the rest.

 

Love the strength in this. Maybe it would be good to take a tip from biggest loser and do it with another user ? Like team up and then press delete at the same time ?

I would keep pics my girlfriends would send me and turn it into porn. It was real ppl I knew and it was just as hard. I know now it only gets easier with practice. I liked the guy’s example of deleting them one by one. It will give you a thousand choices. If you can manage that without being triggered go for it.

 

When I tried to delete my stash for the first time, I couldn't do it (about 350GB worth of porn, collected over the course of around 6 years, neatly organized in folders). I was so attached to it, it felt like I was cutting loose a close friend of mine. I talked with another forum member, who greatly helped me back then, and finally decided, that I gain nothing by keeping the collection. I selected all the folders and pressed "Delete". Since the files were to big to go to the recycle bin, Windows asked if I wanted to delete the files permanently. Before I could analyze everything, I hit the Enter button and watched my porn disappear. I thought I would feel terrible afterwards and that I would try to get it all back, but to my surprise I felt nothing. I didn't feel proud, but I didn't feel bad either. Just a neutral calm feeling.

A couple of months later, I went on a totally fucked up binge-relapse for a few weeks and started building my collection back up. In the course of around 3 weeks, I collected roughly 150GB worth of porn. I even spent money on camgirls and recorded my private sessions. So technically I had a lot of "self-made porn", which obviously is gone forever if it gets deleted. Eventually I came to my senses, and felt a lot of disgust and regret about what I had done. I decided, that all the porn had to go (again). And again, I couldn't force myself. I felt like I would lose a friend again. I literally felt strong grief, although I hadn't even deleted the porn yet at that point! How crazy is that! I asked for help on the forums and after a lot of encouragment, I deleted everything. All the private recordings, all the pictures, all the videos. Gone. What surprised me: I felt nothing again! I was just fine and never felt the urge to get my porn back!

Like me, you seem to have a strong emotional attachment to your porn. Although it is understandable, it's irrational. Don't treat a bunch of files like you would a friend. Those files are not your friend. It's all an illusion. You know how they influence you and you don't want that anymore, do you? Then you have to take the necessary step and get rid of the stuff. By deleting the porn, you make it clear to yourself, that porn is no longer an option for you. By keeping it, you tell yourself that you will relapse eventually. Why else would you need it? If you get control over your addiction, there is no use for a porn collection whatsoever. Show yourself, that you're serious about quitting and delete the porn. You'll be absolutely fine, trust me!

Good luck, man.

 

That’s a strong sign of recovery! Congratulations

 

I know it's scary but you need to let go of the past. Delete the folder

 

When I read some of the comments here, 15000 pictures, 150 gb of porn, I think I also have a download addiction. as these numbers just pale against what I downloaded, I can add a couple of zeros to the pictures, movies change gb to tb and you get the picture, but I seem to download a ton of other things movies, series, etc. Complete random stuff, so another thing I need to quit doing.

 

If you are serious about recovery, deletion is not optional, it is necessary. Holding the collection means there is still attachment, you are caught between continuing with PMO and recovery. How can you enter recovery while still being attached?

Deletion is a powerful act because it involves an act of will in conformity with right judgement, the very opposite of addictive behaviour. Deletion is an act of pure rational agency and a powerful way of proving to yourself that you really are in charge of your life, and not this demonic monkey. Use an eraser if necessary so you cannot recover the files later.

 

Some years ago I had an addiction to Xanax. At its worst I'd need two or three to leave the house. After some months I went to the doctor and told them what I was doing, she said she'd only ever prescribe two or three tablets for someone in deep distress, she advise I stop as soon as possible. I did so, cutting them down as fast as I could. It took a couple of months until I no longer needed to take them but I still had a huge box of them, probably a months worth at my two or three a day rate. Even though I was no longer taking them, it took me months to be able to throw them out. They were my safety net. Just in case. I wasn't complete without them, they were part of my life, how I functioned. But that was a belief I'd created, a bullshit story because I was afraid of life. As long as we hold on to that box, we will never be free.

 

I deleted my folder straight after a PMO session a little while before joining here.
That moment of shame and regret when you feel real shitty after finishing your binge with another fairly pointless O can be harnessed and turned to anger/determination.
SHIFT + DEL then say Yes when windows checks are you sure. You bet I was...

 

I've deleted several porn collections over the years, first were magazines, then external hard drives. I haven't had a collection for several years now, I think the last time I deleted I thought I no longer needed one due to streaming sites etc. I feel better that I don't have one to delete now.

However, if you do have one it's a real positive step to take.