Please read my other posts. They can be found under my profile, then under my posts I have posted. Then read this: I have always said, do not feel shame or guilty after relapsing; why? because it would only do harm and you will eventually relapse again..maybe after 2 hours or after 2 days. Addiction is a disease, no wonder with addiction there are neuronal changes and chemical changes. If we relapse, look at the good improvement you have made then happily start a new streak. The Addiction Shame Cycle TRIGGER ---> CRAVING ---> RITUAL ---> ACT OUT ---> SHAME/GUILT ---> TRIGGER (back to where we started) The five stages in the cycle are: 1. Trigger - either emotional or physical a. can occur minutes before or days before b. compels us to avoid the feelings c. unless addressed, always leads to craving 2. Craving - the strong desire to act out a. mentally move into the Bubble (distorted behaviors, your mind is clouded and can not think properly, always trying to convince yourself) b. reality becomes distorted c. obsess about sex d. think/plan how to act out e. can last minutes or hours f. our last, best chance to get off the cycle on our own 3. Ritual - our set pattern of ceremony that leads to acting out. An example: a. Phase 1 - search the internet for sexually suggestive images b. Phase 2 - cruise streets/coffee shops/malls for visual hits c. Phase 3 - go to strip bars for more intense validation d. enter a trance like state of heightened arousal e. almost impossible to stop without some kind of external interruption 4. Using - Acting out a. feel better for the moment but then realize what we have done b. usually not as satisfying as we had imagined or hoped c. realize powerlessness and unmanageability; (we are slaves) d. despair/hopelessness lead to next stage 5. Shame - "I am bad" Usually accompanied by Guilt - "I did something bad." a. betrayed spiritual beliefs, possibly a partner, and our sense of integrity b. alternating waves of pseudo-guilt and sham c. insincere promise to "never do it again" d. may trigger a new cycle When you act out, that is OK. do not feel bad. Keep strong and start again. Also learn from your relapse...what did you do wrong...then try to incorporate that into your plan so it doesn't happen again.
Very true. Every addiction covers some feelings of shame or some negative belief. The addiction always makes it worse when you use it. And then you go through these 5 stages. The key to get rid to stop the shame and the negative belief. By being nice to yourself, when you relapse you say "Okay this is no problem, I relapse, but I got the change to start again and it is now." instead of "I'm fucking weak, I'm a loser, see me jacking off..." Also when you feel the urge be nice to yourself say "I'm allowed to feel this" and go on with your day. Good share, need to study this some more.
Thats a good thought! I am currently using positive affirmations as I have always looked at myself in a negative light which made me seek comfort in things to radically take me away mentally from myself (in this case porn)
