Addicted to escorts. How does one stop?

This is a brain vs brain thing. It's inner conflict. It is your pre-frontal cortex (conscious thinking, moral values, logic) fighting your limbic system (which is used to store fight or flight response, pain and pleasure.

You have to help your conscious thinking fight the primal side of things. I understand what you are going through and i am facing the fight of my life. But we need to be mindful. And once we starve our brain of the junk food we are feed it, then we can slowly transit to a more normal life. Sure, maybe you will not be able to date a supermodel girlfriend.

But go look up all the female celebs who looked great in the 90s and tell me you still find them hot. The truth is, looks don't last, especially for women. I find women less desirable the moment they hit their 30s, it is a steep slope. So go for a normal human being with a character that you can connect with. Guess what, she will still look pleasant enough (cos you were not going for H.O.T. to begin with) and that personality that you like will stay on until old age.

 

All these PMO has given our brain a shortcut to a dopamine high and there is no reason left for it to seek motivation. We seriously need to cut this crap and reboot our system. It is tiring, it is out of control and you feel like a meaningless zombie at the end of it.

 

I dont have this exact same problem, but I have spent countless dollars on porn and its put me in a serious bind a few times. I got to the point where I just MUST spend my money wiser. Its a bad place to be. I don't want this anymore and I suppose I just have to realize its a battle. I have to let the moment pass and take more ownership of my life. Cheers to doing that...

 

Recognising there is a problem is the first big step to it. The rest of it are many small steps. Let's help each other. Log in here and ask for help when triggers set in. Sometimes we know it's an obvious trigger but we pay no respect to it and we end up succumbing to it. The devil's in the details and he hopes we don't notice it. But screw him. We are the righteousness of god in Christ, we just need to acknowledge it.

 

You can stop just dont go there and you already stopped it

 

Gonna guess that you don’t spend much time talking too/asking out non-escort women?

Value is far beyond looks as others here have already pointed out. The escorts are a convenient, no-risk way for you to get sexual gratification probably as a means of self-soothing your fears of loneliness, rejection etc.

You can’t stop b/c you’re addicted. And all but broke at this point.

first you have to make up your mind to quit and get sober. Then you have to build a plan to quit and stay sober.

There are sooooo many beautiful, smart, funny ladies out there who you don’t have to pay. Women who will have a genuine interest in you and not your wallet.

Lose the escorts’ numbers, block their websites, social media, sites where they “advertise”. That’s a start.

 

i guess the question is more : what exactly is the problem? why is this pleasurable activity becoming aproblem for you? I know of a forum in my own neck of the woods , that exists now for 15 20 years its a place for men who like escorts and sex with them , they go there to exchange stories, advice, suggestions, to know more about the subject and to review and assess escorts. its a real whoremonger website, mostly a place for connecting also with them since they had hotlines and participate in the forum as well and to help men with information valuable information about escorts. a sort of gentleman's club with a prostitution angle. None of them , and i mean that in all the years i have been reading them over there, has ever made a post like yours and the ones i see on this forum :" im addicted i cant stop seeing escorts its horrible please help me" ... if you went there and they would probably tell you : what exactly is the fuss about? do you not enjoy sex with escorts? do you not like exploring things and sexuality with them? if you do then why are you acting like this? if the problem is that you cant control your finances and make a happy marriage of sound bookkeeping and finances with pleasure activities then you need to reassess of course but even that can be solved by learning more self control so that you dont spend too much on it , set your own limits, a treshold beyond which you ...SHALL ...NOT... PASS!! LOL ( lotr reference ) . If you need more money , get another sob if you can. if not, reduce the number of times you spend on them or cut it out every month or so.

Most of them have been doing it for years many for decades , many have marriages families, jobs, etc etc and yet they love escorts and being with them , its a pleasurable activity akin to a luxurious dinner or a necessity for some like eating and drinking... whatever their reasons they are fine with it. So, why cant you? Ask yourself that. What exactly is the issue? ps : are you american? if so, then i understand the issue with the law , my suggestion is that in order to avoid that, make it something you do only in a state where it is legal or not illegal like nevada i think , make a trip of it a fun roadtrip and have fun. The distance , if you dont live there, will probably hinder your constant presence there so it becomes a luxury hobby that is under control, financially and timewise.

 

The problems could be many - STDs, relationship issues, money issues, work issues, and many many more.

I would say find an SAA group, cut off your financial means (if you pay with cash, only use checks or something), block numbers and websites, block those part of town from your maps and driving, and many other steps that people here take but in the physical world instead of digital.

Don't say goodbye, no last calls or texts, no "one last dance" party. None of that. Cold turkey, right now.

 

Actually , a little quid pro quo sir Trombone:

I know men who have been going to whores for decades , decades ... and none of them caught an std. Yes the risk is there but considering stds infections in heterosexual sex has been lowering very steeply the past 2 decades in my neck of the woods , and the usage of contraceptive methods is quite universal as well as other hygiene measure i would say the risk is the same or even lower than a night out at a disco and bar and hooking up with several different girls. In fact many consider that type of hunt more dangerous even because hookers HAVE to be carefull whereas teh civilian women ... not always , as we are given further proof every year.

Relationship issue there are wonderfull sex therapists and masseusses and tantric massage givers and psychologists who can help with that. They also have fathers mothers , have had or have husbands boyfriends, they know what love is , they also have families etc so quite often they are quite well equipped to help men or couples , married couples , with sexuality or relationship or self esteem problems.

The financial issues i have already outlined for the op what he needs to do. Get yourself under control, set a line in the sand in terms of money you spend every month on it or improve your resources available for it and thats it.

Now if he actually would prefer having sex with only one person instead of several women or one woman who is a hooker, then yes he should drop this activity... if it is truly what he wants and likes.

 

My ex lost me, his wife of over 30 years to this and his kids won't talk to him either. I have a friend who just divorced her husband of over 30 years for the same reason. She had to have a medical procedure done when she was found to have the beginnings of HPV. Nice. If you consider these things to be par for the course and no problem, then sure, there are no issues. I call that "La-La Land".

 

Im sorry to hear it. Its not that they are par for the course, its human nature they have always existed and always will. The fault there lies in the husband not making sure to always have protected sex and not sharing his sexual needs with the wife which is unfortunately a natural consequence of traditional monogamous marriage, people need to hide their so called infidelities from their spouse because they know they wouldnt accept them and as they have a life and family together they dont want to destroy it all... there is no perfect answer here you know... either people share who they truly are or all they want or they keep it to themselves , both can have unforeseen consequences...

You speak of the kids , again, thats their way of dealing with it , regrettable, but i know of people who knew of their fathers past sex life and everyone understands it for what it is , its natural. Human beings are complex people we are not made of black and white , and we have different sides to our selves... if the marriage was bad already or even for years , they hope he at least was happy with his lover, friends,or prostitutes. Separating love from sex or the different relationships we have with different people and why we do it and what we get form it is a mature exercise but one which cant be had when people are still too emotional or cant get past simple notions of romantic fidelity , more hollywood and la la land than the real human jungle.

As regrettable as those personal circumstances you describe ARE, they are NOT universal. I understand that people in a variety of cultures and ages and social status , deal with these things in different ways. You tell us your marriage ended because of it and that his kids wont talk to him, i get that , thats what happened with these people and it is bad. however i know of many cases where wives know of it and dont care. yes thats right they dont care. or care to know and enjoy listening about it, or care to participate and engage in it with the husband. i know of several cases of couples married with kids who attend and participate and enjoy saunas. others swinging. others exhibitionism and threesomes. others where the wife knows of the husbands adventures and is TOTALLY fine with it. others where the husband knows she engages with other men and women and is fine with it. prostitutes who open their door to couples, yes couples, married either to solve some intimacy problem or just for the thrill and fun of it. or for fulfilling s fantasy or a long held desire. Another case , an army general who visited an escort because he wanted to improve himself for his wife , and improve his technique and how best to please her and make their sex life better.

As you can see , engaging in prostitution and non monogamous activities are not synonymous with STDS and destroyed marriages. It really isnt. It most often is , with more traditional, conservative marriages... or personalities who tend more towards the monogamous side of things, who cant truly come to terms with basic human needs sexually speaking , in terms of variety and various partners and experiences as you go through life, especially manly needs and how they work. A story as old as monotheism... how couples and marriages and people deal with their own sexuality and what they allow inside their marriages is their own business and less and less sex and sexuality is the cause for ending those same marriages. I for one salute it! Dont throw a blanket on ALL the human reality of prostitution as if its a den of evil and darkness that ends all relationships and humanity itself! it more often than not, it actually helps and soothes people.

Your perspective on this will likely not change due to the personal way it happened to you and your own notions about this , but i ask that some day you consider that ...there are different realities for different people under different circumstances and very different tastes and personalities under a common shared humanity. Not all of us like cheese ... as dreadfully bewildering that is to me!

 

The only thing I can even think of to say to all that is "alrighty then". Lives shattered and destroyed are brushed off by you like naggy buzzing flies so..."alrighty then".

 

You seem to have missed my point. My point , was that lives shattered was not and is not a universal , all encompassing outcome. I gave several examples, many more could be given. By no means did i brushed it off, the negative outcome you have lived , as if it was nothing , i just focused on the different perspectives i was trying to explain to you that do exist rather than giving you another pity and sorrow moment, im sure you have had those plenty of times by more appropriate people. You already have people in your life im sure who will perform that role and say those words, my role here was to do something else. What happened to you is very regrettable , dont think i undermined it as if it was nothing. Families shattered are always a tragedy. But it doesnt diminish what i said since what i said concerns other people , ergo, different , multiple realities, ergo, non universal blankets needed applying to this phenomena.

But as i mentioned sometimes a sour , bad personal experience of something or someone can blamish them in our eyes forever so i dont expect you to change your heart on this. Best of luck and i hope your family can recover and move forward to find peace and understanding.

 

You have your angle, but wait... What are you doing here again?! This is a forum for people with a one-directional view, who already know they wanna quit. If that is not your direction, sir, may i know what the hellyou are doing here?

This is not a chat group where you express rights and ideals. This is a support forum where people already know what they want, which is out of the whoremongering u have been giving a thesis about. So frigging buzz off and don't tempt/justify/distract the people who want to get the hell out of it.

 

I was hoping someone would mention this , and thankfully "reason to change" did.
I'm sure going out and seeing escorts can be a good thing or something that doesn't turn out to be destructive in someone's live. Just like. Alcohol , drugs , porn, gambling .
But we are on a website for men and woman who think or know they have a problem with sexual compulsions and are coming here for help and advice. This is not the place to say " oh you just need some discipline and set limits. "
I completely see you're side , I really do. Again it may not affect people and it's probably a beneficial thing for people and in countries. But is this the wesbtie where you will find those people ? No.

 

You need someone to help you, an accountability partner. Contrary to what others say, a life of selfishness and treating women like commodities will never lead to lasting happiness and will only result in a contract with darkness, which will eventually steam roll everything good about you. I will be your AP if you want. Just please find an AP who you can talk to when you are considering calling an escort. You have to get out of this spiral. There will be no judgment from me whatsoever. Only love - a love great enough to care that you don’t destroy yourself. But your actions have to change or you’ll wake up an empty shell of a human being one day. Don’t listen to the trolls.

 

This............<3