addicted to edging and sexting

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by 2manyhours, Feb 23, 2018.

  1. 2manyhours

    2manyhours Fapstronaut

    6
    4
    3
    Hello, everyone.

    I am a 29 year-old guy who has been addicted to masturbation for about 10 years. Up until the age of 18 I would say my fapping habits were pretty healthy, until I started using porn. Although I do watch images and videos, the thing I really struggle with the most is verbal content (perhaps that's how my brain works), so I am especially addicted to erotic stories and, more recently, sexting with people online.

    I do not normally masturbate many times in a day, but my real problem is that I often edge for hours. What I noticed is that, when I do that, I am not interested at all in reaching orgasm, in fact that's the last thing I want. Instead, I just want to keep it going forever, theoretically. As I often do this at night (as it is the only time of the day I have the time to do it) I end up losing entire nights of sleep. This has gotten so bad I have had completely messed up sleeping patters for years (I have a flexible working schedule, so that makes it more difficult). In the worst cases I will only ever allow myself to cum when I am completely exhausted.

    Switching from standard porn to sexting has made things definitely worse. I find that, because my arousal is dependent on other people (tho not in the way it would when you have sex), I am even less in control of my masturbation habits. For instance, I would start a session and then have to 'wait' hours because a given person I am sexting with stops talking temporarily for whatever reason, and then have to look for somebody else. Even worse, I have recently found myself masturbating on days when I had absolutely no physical desire to, simply because of receiving a certain message from somebody and thinking to myself that I could not waste such an opportunity. Of course, I realise how insane this is, but at the time it happens I just have no control over it.

    Essentially I want to quit for all manners of reasons. This habit is affecting my sex life, my health, my work and life in general. I lost count of how many nights I stayed up, and then was unable to get anything done the day after because I would be way too tired. Also, I recently get pain in my pelvis after long edging sessions which I did not used to; I figure my body is telling me that it cannot cope anymore with this. Lastly, I know that if I was ever to get in a relationship again this would definitely be an issue.

    My ideal goal would not be to quit masturbation entirely. I was raised catholic and have become, over the years, very wary of their all-or-nothing approach, as well as their demonisation of sexual activities. Although I understand why, to an addict, even a little of something can cause a full-on relapse, if I were to get over this addiction (which I am not very convinced of) I would not mind to have the occasional wank. When I was a young teen, before I started developing this addiction, I would masturbate roughly once every 4 days (absolutely no edging), and that seemed to work pretty well for me. I would definitely love to be able to have that level of self-control again, and it would most certainly be better than what I do now.

    The idea of rebooting sounds great but, to me, it also sounds very very difficult. At the best of time I can go a max of 3 days without wanking, and that is normally considered an achievement. Also, I am not sure if I could give up sex for that long, if it were to happen (not that I have sex all that regularly anyway).

    Sorry for the lengthy post and thanks for reading!
     
    toomuchfapping and JobeW like this.
  2. Lonewolfpt

    Lonewolfpt Fapstronaut

    First of all you must have the conscience that rebooting isnt really that difficult.

    Be positive and strong! Edging fucks up your brain in ways that aren't pleasant at all. Change your habits, your routine.

    I often find myself edging in bed too, one thing that helped me was to leave the cell phone in a different room before going to sleep.
     
  3. Full ahead

    Full ahead Fapstronaut

    474
    907
    93
    Hello!.
    Welcome
    I understadn you well. The idea of all or nothing just does not work for me...I am very much sexually driven, wife not interested anymore in sex and I do not plan to live as an hermit, but I am convinced I have to control my impulses and not be an object of my own desires.
    Definitely, avoiding porn is a good help to control ourselves, since the flush of dopamine impedes us from a clear thinking (as it happens with sexting...I have had the issue with live web cams, gay and hetero)

    I personally share what you say (I am Catholic myself too) :

    My ideal goal would not be to quit masturbation entirely. I was raised catholic and have become, over the years, very wary of their all-or-nothing approach, as well as their demonisation of sexual activities. Although I understand why, to an addict, even a little of something can cause a full-on relapse, if I were to get over this addiction (which I am not very convinced of) I would not mind to have the occasional wank. When I was a young teen, before I started developing this addiction, I would masturbate roughly once every 4 days (absolutely no edging), and that seemed to work pretty well for me. I would definitely love to be able to have that level of self-control again, and it would most certainly be better than what I do now.

    The idea of rebooting sounds great but, to me, it also sounds very very difficult. At the best of time I can go a max of 3 days without wanking, and that is normally considered an achievement. Also, I am not sure if I could give up sex for that long, if it were to happen (not that I have sex all that regularly anyway).


    Relapsing is much more easy when you are bombed by those triggers, as sexting or porn, so is a good idea to control those

    Fell free to PM wehenever you want to contact me
     
    vineyard likes this.
  4. 2manyhours

    2manyhours Fapstronaut

    6
    4
    3
    Many thanks both for your supportive comments!

    Yeah, with edging it does feel like being on drugs (never done them but it sounds very similar). Today, after staying up all night masturbating, I woke up late, feeling seriously depressed. I do not normally suffer from depression any longer, so I can only attribute it to the chemical imbalance in my brain after such a long exposure to dopamine, I suppose?

    Indeed, I do feel that smart phones have made things so much worse for porn addicts, in that now it is literally always with you a few taps away no matter where you are, whereas back in the day you had to be near a computer. I think the idea of leaving the phone in another room before bed is great. Thanks for that! I shall try it myself. Guess I will have to buy a good old alarm clock instead!

    Been there, with the cam stuff. I don't do it very often, but it is all part of that online interaction which, among other things, triggers my addictive pattern. As you rightly say, for me it is not necessarily about whether you masturbate or not but about whether you have power over it or the other way around. I would like to do it on my own terms, but right now it is controlling my life instead.
     
    Lonewolfpt likes this.
  5. Lonewolfpt

    Lonewolfpt Fapstronaut

    Keep strong and always believe in yourself
     
    MrPaladin and 2manyhours like this.
  6. Protagoras

    Protagoras Fapstronaut

    1,280
    1,668
    143
    Welcome. You have described the escalating behavior of an addict. I'm an addict too and you are in the right place. HERE are some things helping me
     
    MrPaladin likes this.
  7. Full ahead

    Full ahead Fapstronaut

    474
    907
    93
    Agree. I couldn't say it better.
     
  8. 2manyhours

    2manyhours Fapstronaut

    6
    4
    3
    Hello again.
    My apologies for being away this whole time. I wish I could say I have been 87 days without masturbation, but that is just because I never logged on again to reset the timer.

    Just a quick update. After years, last April I was able to go 14 days without any masturbation or porn. Will sound unimpressive to many people on here, but for me it's a big deal...

    I am not sure exactly how I was able to do it. I think it was several factors coming together. One evening, after having sex, my perineum was really, really sore. I got quite worried, and decided I really needed to give my body a break. A few days after that, I visited my parents for two weeks, so I decided to use the opportunity to take a break. Normally it wouldn't work; I end up finding ways to wank even when I'm there, even though it is quite awkward masturbating in their house... This time, however, I just did not do it. Avoided both masturbation and porn for the entire time I was there. The thing that always amazes me, every time I go a few days without doing it, is that the less I do it the less I miss it.

    However, as soon as I got back home, I figured it would be okay to have a short wank, so I did that. The day after I had another short one. Then, the day after that I had another very long edging session ... and, sure enough, I was stuck in my old routine again.

    This past 8 or ten days I have not edged too much (only a max of 3 hours on two occasions—which I guess is still a lot, although not by my standards). I have, however, been doing it every day, even on a couple of days when I clearly had no physical desire whatsoever, and unsurprisingly the pelvic pain is back. Today it has been hurting sitting down for too long, not unbearably, but I have been clearly sore. The pain decreases if I avoid sitting down.

    Now this question is going to sound quite stupid—as it seems rather obvious—but I am going to ask it anyway: has anybody else experienced pain in the perineum after masturbating too much? Can you guys confirm it is definitely due to that? I guess it is quite a pointless question, because, for me, it clearly started with that, and the pain goes away as soon as I stop masturbating—Incidentally, I also saw a doctor last year. They took some tests and found no STD— However, the pain does not necessarily come back as soon as I resume, but it normally takes time. Sometimes it starts again after an especially long session, other times it comes back if I do it even for a short while, but on a day when I can feel that I have no desire to do it and still push through. It is never quite the same; most of the time it is only ever so slightly sore for a few hours after ejaculation, other times it is more intense and may last the whole day. Abstaining from masturbation clearly seems to make it go away, but I guess my question is; how long should I abstain for in order to allow my body to recover completely? I thought two weeks would be enough, but I guess it might not be. I do realise everybody's case is going to be different, but is there anybody at all with a similar experience and any useful empirical evidence?

    Obviously, I do plan to ultimately stop the edging entirely, with some unlikely help from 'heaven', but sometimes I worry I might have caused myself permanent damage already.

    P.S. Is it shocking to see how little, if any, scientific research has been done on the effects of excessive masturbation. There are literally no studies out there, it appears.
     
  9. Full ahead

    Full ahead Fapstronaut

    474
    907
    93
    Hello and welcome back!

    Good you made a good streak of NoFap, and sorry you relapsed, but having you here is altogether very good.
    Pain in the groin or in the pelvic zone? is a natural consequence of edging, I can say that (not being a doctor, but being a man!)...You know? sometimes I tried edging for as much as possible (not a big deal for your standards), but after some time I felt that uncomfortable pain and there is no way top deny is related to edging....I think it came because the perineal zone, penis, and testicles are fully irrigated and blood pressure in that zone increases, causing the nerves there to produce pain. I think is a normal consequence, that is a warning sign of your body of the excess soy submitted it to (like a heavy hangover after the party, for example).

    No, I would not say you are permanently damaged but I think your body needs some rest, that is for sure... why not trying the reboot challenge of 45 or 90 days?
     
  10. 2manyhours

    2manyhours Fapstronaut

    6
    4
    3
    Many thanks for the reply.

    Yeah, obviously I do feel a little sore the day after a long edging session, but last year I had this one episode when the symptoms far exceeded the usual mild soreness. The pain was more intense, and I could feel it extend to my glutes and thighs. It also hurt to pee. Basically it felt like symptoms of an inflamed prostate, from what I read online. Anyway, I saw the doc and he ran a couple of tests and found no infections, so he concurred with my own hypothesis that it must have been excessive masturbation. The symptoms went away after a few days of abstinence and have not manifested since to anywhere near the same extent, even though I have continued edging, on and off. A few days ago, the pain came back, though in a much less acute form and without all the other symptoms. Once again, after a few days of rest, it has now gone.

    Based on that, my thoughts are the following:

    1)My hypothesis is that it has come to the point where a few days of rest simply won't cut it; whatever the issue is, it is going to take quite some time for my body to heal up completely, assuming and hoping that it will.

    2) Having said that, I don't know how that is done. As I said, the longest I managed to go without masturbation recently was 15 days, and that was greatly helped by circumstances. For example, right now I am home alone with not much to do and, as I feel better already, I have a huge urge to act out. I am not sure how you guys overcome these moments. It feels like I do not have much in the way of will power.

    3) Why are there no medical studies on the negative health effects of excessive masturbation? Most resources online all claim that is is perfectly fine, but it is clearly not the case. I do understand my masturbation-related habits are not exactly reflective of the average person, in that I do it for far too long, but there must be other people with the same issue out there. Surely, I am not a unique case...
     
  11. Full ahead

    Full ahead Fapstronaut

    474
    907
    93
    Hello.

    Well, I can see two different approaches:

    1.- You stop or drastically reduce PMO and therefore will see some improvement in your personal life, eliminating or not the discomfort would be secondary in this stage
    2.- Seek for medical assistance (have you considered psychological assistance? I have done that and is really a good help)

    All the best
     
  12. 2manyhours

    2manyhours Fapstronaut

    6
    4
    3
    Hello again.

    I would love to say I have been 322 days without masturbation or porn, but that is clearly not the case. I need to reset the timer obviously... I have just been away from the website for months.

    In the past few months, things have not improved all that much. I have been stuck with the symptoms of what some call 'chronic prostatitis' coming and going. Before Christmas, I went ten days without masturbating/edging and saw the symptoms completely disappear. But as soon as the symptoms went, I started again. Sure enough, after about a week or so, the symptoms came back again. Normally these only involve pain in my perineum after sitting for long periods. Recently, I have also had a very light burning sensation at the tip of my urethra. Since I get these intermittent symptoms, I now masturbate (edge) less, as a result. This means that, instead of doing it every day or almost every day, as I used to, I'd do it for two or three consecutive days, then stop as soon as the symptoms present themselves, until I feel they have gone, then start again...

    In the past weeks, however, I have experience a new, quite unpleasant symptom. Basically, right after edging, I found myself almost unable to pee. This has also happened also twice during the night. Each time, I'd wake up feeling a bit of pressure in my bladder and would go to the toilet to pee, only to find that I just could not pee, no matter how much I waited. I'd eventually manage to urinate by pushing harder but, especially the last time this happened, there was a very weak stream. Not gonna lie, this is freaking me out a little and I hate myself for being such a fucking useless idiot who is wrecking his own body. Oddly enough, during the day it seems I can pee just fine, which is confusing me even further, cuz I thought being unable to pee or having a weak stream was caused by a swollen prostate. But if my prostate is indeed swollen, why does the symptom happen only sporadically? Even more frustrating is the ignorance (or disregard) about this among the medical community. Literally no medical resources online say a single thing about the effects of excessive masturbation and its effects, leaving me even more in the dark about what process exactly is causing me these symptoms.

    I have been thinking of seeing a doctor, but I doubt it would help. I saw one last year and, after doing a urine test which came back negative, he basically agreed with my own diagnosis that my prostate was inflamed due to too much masturbation. Of course, he recommended 'easing off on the masturbation', as if that is something I can just choose to do at will. Would there be any benefit at all in going back again? Should I get a proper test to check my prostate, like a digital rectum examination or something else?

    As for the addiction itself, I did see a sex therapist last year for a few months, but clearly that did not help. Also, as it was a free service, we were only meeting once a month, if even that. I honestly don't know what to do. I have been trying to quit this for over a year without much success. A major issue is that my addiction is related to my phone (as I am addicted to edging while sexting), which is with me 24/7.

    I am truly at a loss.
     
    toomuchfapping likes this.
  13. toomuchfapping

    toomuchfapping Fapstronaut

    10
    7
    3
    i dont exactly how i could help you.. i just finished reading your posts and im in the exactly same situation as you, minus the prostate symptoms (makes me even more worried).. the feeling that i cant waste an oportunity to talk with particular person, and not wanting to orgasm, just wanting to keep edging non stop. sexting and edging is absolutely terrible, it gets compltely out of control sometimes .. its a terrible addiction.. i wish i had the self control.
    man.. i hope you are doing better right now and i hope the symptoms got better. .
     
  14. LD1987

    LD1987 New Fapstronaut

    4
    4
    3
    Wau, finally I discovered someone who is similar like me even if it is in negative way :( 2manyhours and toomuchfapping if you could PM me I would like to talk this in more details.

    I dont know where your text addiction get you but let me tell you where it get me. I was in the level where I have created fake FB IDs in order to talk to real girls and then even to one particular girl that I have crush on and then after two days I revealed it to her that it was actually me! You can imagine that now she cancelled our FB friendship (real and fake one) and is in no contact with me whatsoever. And this is girl that I was even out for coffee in the past. Sad thing is how this addiction worsen over time. Half year or year ago I would never think I actually pull this fake ID thing with her even I did it regularly with other girls because I really like her also for her personality and wanted to hold our normal relationship sacred. Now look at me, I did it anyway and now she will think I am some kind of perverted weirdo probably for rest of our lives. I didn't met her since in real life but I am also kind of scared how we will react to each other when that happen (it can happen because we are daily in same not very big city...)

    Pretty weird thing is she didn't cancel our contact immediately after I revealed her who I am, she actually wanted to know why I did it so we text some more. But then after a week and half she claimed her boyfriend found about this texting and told me to not write her anymore which I of course couldn't do and here we are. More weird stuff - this not write me anymore stuff occurred even on couple more occasions in the past when I only texted her like real me.. But anyway I was desperate and after this cancellation I have tried to reach her (again normal way and fake one) multiple times, so you can imagine what she has to think of me now :(

    And update - last month or so I cant get past 4 or 5 days on NOFAP. I try to put this in context of big events in my life but that doesn't help at all. For example my father will have 60 years on June 6 so I wanted at least to have month under my belt when that happen and be better for that occasion but today I relapsed again :(
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2019
    toomuchfapping likes this.
  15. toomuchfapping

    toomuchfapping Fapstronaut

    10
    7
    3
    i know what u mean. edging can be out of control sometimes, i struggle with it since i was 14 or 15, and it just became worse.. i wish i could control it more, and take care of things in my life and enjoy masturbation as a hobby, but its just extremely hard to find balance. its been many years and im still figuring out. to be compltely honest, i dont think i can stop masturbation completely, i just wish i could control it more.
     
  16. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

    1,009
    835
    113
    Hi guys !

    I'm sure you've all heard this before, but edging is really bad news. It creates both physical and mental havoc. But you know that. PIED, DE, and other physical and emotional problems often result from edging. But you know that. You should stop edging right now. But you know that. You've tried stopping, but can't. You THINK that you can't stop, you've never really tried seriously to stop because so far, you haven't reached the point in your lives where you KNOW you NEED to stop edging. Take some time to think about how edging has created troubles for you.

    Read something more about edging:

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...masturbate-edge-or-watch-porn-without-orgasm/


    Then stop it ! There are lots of better things to do with your time than spending it wrecking your bodies and your minds.

    But you know that.

    Or do you ?

    One day at a time is how we all succeed.
     
    toomuchfapping likes this.
  17. toomuchfapping

    toomuchfapping Fapstronaut

    10
    7
    3

    hmm. i know you mean well, but its weird for u to say that we never tried seriously, even though you don't know us. because i did try many times. but maybe, hopefuly, you are right, and there is a way out. idk...
     
  18. bfdet

    bfdet Fapstronaut

    1,009
    835
    113
    Hi @toomuchfapping and others:

    Sorry if my message was harsh about not being serious... Let me try to clarify ...

    When I read the above posts, I saw lots of desire to stop PMO and edging. I saw attempts to stop edging, and reports of improved health after some period of no edging ... but then the edging started again and the symptoms and health issues returned. Some have had medical professionals offer an opinion that excessive M is likely at least in part for their physical issues. Yet the M continues and the physical problems that it has caused continue and in some cases, worsen. So ... if there are physical problems for which there seems to be a reasonably clear cause, and you haven't stopped the behavior that causes the problem, it seems like there may need to be some re-thinking and some re-evaluation of your situation. You want to stop edging, and haven't yet found a way to stop. Maybe its a question of reaching a point in your life of not just wanting to stop, but instead reaching a point where you 100% know that you NEED to stop.

    When I read things like:

     
  19. Christi

    Christi New Fapstronaut

    4
    6
    3
    No edging ! A great man once said 'You can't climb the path of success with your hands on you dick'.
     
  20. Jake n Bake

    Jake n Bake Fapstronaut

    60
    89
    18

    Part of the definition of addiction is UNABLE TO STOP a behavior. Like my wife says, why don’t you just stop? This is deeply ingrained. With root causes long ago in childhood. Five years of talk therapy has helped me understand a lot. But hasn’t helped me stop completely. If an addict relapses it in no way ever means they don’t really want to stop. We have a terribly deep desire to stop. That is why we are seeking help. Being harsh only increases shame. It is not helpful. Obviously, quit. Ok. Done. I quit. So why the forum? Why all of the S-anonymous groups? Because it is a debilitating addiction.
     

Share This Page