This is going to be long post - but I'm finally ready to own up to my mistakes and come clean. Here's my story: <TRIGGER WARNING> Started really young (pre puberty)... getting off to lingerie models on Fashion TV, found Dad's porn stash (magazines and novellas), then browsing soft porn online on dial up internet... Never thought I was doing anything wrong. Made fun of a dude in 10th grade who said his elder brother had told him that masturbating and porn should be avoided. I actually used to think of myself as quite the smart dude for being so aware/ open/ liberal in my views back then. Once I had access to high speed internet, went through the usual cycle of falling for more and more extreme fetishes through teenage and early adulthood. PMOed almost every day for over 15 years. Maybe because I started with lingerie models online, but I've always been into that. Slowly that escalated into vouyer, upskirt, non-consent, mind control kinks... Both porn and erotica. I guess I've wasted 50x more time on erotic literature websites than on streaming vids. I'd also been getting off on cyber sex and chats ever since the days of yahoo chat rooms. That escalated to IRC, Omegle and Kik/ reddit... I feel this is different from many of the posts I've seen on this sub-forum - I have a problem with thinking of myself as a Dominant, and fantasizing about controlling submissive females and I get off on that idea. I know that this is a porn induced phenomenon because I'm not actually a Dominant when having sex IRL, in the sense that I do take the lead and my current partner has submissive tendencies... but the dynamic it is completely different from what I used to think it'll be like and also how I projected in my own head. I've made many many terrible mistakes along the way... Wasted a decade of my life on chat rooms and erotica websites. Made tumblr blogs on this kink. Hooked up with submissive girls (online) via snap/ kik and made them share their nudes... It was always such a rush of excitement that I was never able to resist the temptation... All this stuff obviously corrupts you. Makes you a shadow of your true self. I've been on nofap streaks before. Longest was a 80 day streak in 2015, with 40-60 day streaks on and off since then. But every time I relapse, I go deeper down the hole. Re-starting again... I am still an addict and I need help. This time, I am determined to kick this addiction out of my life permanently and become what I am capable of being.
Hi I totally get you. Just on the gay side. Yes I dine lots of porn, but I have been addicted and obsessed mainly with voice chats/chat rooms/talking to others on various apps. I think it is something slightly different from Porn addiction. I think I am looking "talk to someobe" and especially I want total acceptance so I always look for the "no limit" category. My addiction to this voice chat is so big, Ladt few years I "edge" while talking to multiple people. They may cum buy I continue to seek more and more till I exhaust my self (with the company of weed). It's been years..... I need help (Today is my 6 or 7 day without it)
I've done this too. Its much worse in the company of weed. You end up wasting hours at a stretch. Thankfully, due to the Covid lockdowns, I've been off weed since more than 18 months now. I don't plan on smoking up except maybe 1-2 times a year on special occasions. The bad part is that given that we're not having obviously weird fetishes (sissy/ findom etc.) our brains convince us that porn is *not* that bad for us and its OKAY to continue with this lifestyle! The thrill and excitement of meeting real people and talking to them is more difficult to walk away from than vanilla porn videos. Therefore, this sort of addiction is more insidious and difficult to resolve...
