Acknowledge the VOID!

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by AK_BLUR, Mar 10, 2019.

  1. AK_BLUR

    AK_BLUR Fapstronaut

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    I got on my nofap journey in april last year after my break up with my Friend(With benefits) what started as casual thing got very serious and things got messy. I wanted to make it a serious relationship but she was not interested.
    Also I was thrown out of my job (Data Analyst) because i was not performing up to the mark.
    I quit PMO, Facebook, Whatsapp , Smoking (Tobacco & Cannabis) and started working on myself.I started taking work seriously, choosing people whom i shall spend time wisely and initiating conversations with women at work.
    I started getting better at work, Coding, Running (half marathon time 1:59), started taking care of Myself, how I conduct Myself and what not.
    Through out all this I was still missing her, I do not know why. I would tell my self how she is not right for me and It will not work should I go back to it.
    I would meet her once or twice a month for a run and would take her out for dinner because I believe that she is instrumental in bringing this side of me out.She told me recently that she is not dating anyone and she has changed a lot for the better after the relationship ended.
    Last time we met, I had confronted her about how tough it was for me to rise from where I was and how her behaviour had always hurt me, she cried but I did not tell her sorry because I wanted to tell her all that i felt.
    Now I work as an Machine Learning Consultant with an investment bank, made to the finals of the in house innovation awards, bought myself a high-end Road cycle, friends regard me highly, colleagues tell me I have good qualities, female work mates know me for being approachable, guy who beats the bus to work, and the guy who reads in the bus always.

    even after god bestowing these things upon me, I still want to meet her at least once a month, part of me wants to move on and other part wants to make it work.
    I was a Virgin before her (29 Year old) not an obese virgin (no disrespect ) some one who did crossfit, had a 6 packs but low self esteem (May because i grew up in a household wih alcoholic father and Mother with mental issues). I have a sister, she means the world to me, she is married and i talk to her for at least an hour on phone when ever we call.

    Though I do not have the six packs anymore somehow i feel more good looking and more approachable, but the VOID is still there.
    VOID that i cannot sleep beside someone, VOID of not having an Intimate partner, VOID of not having Love in my life.
    Its been 340+ days on NoFap till I ended up masturbating (thrice) fantasizing one of my friends at work, Also I had a couple of beers and half a cigarette. I am not afraid that this will take me back to bottom, FUCK NO!! I know i slipped, but will not make that slip turn into a SLIDE!.

    That's all I had to say.
    Thank you
     
    blacklabel92, Capt. U and 220woof671 like this.
  2. 220woof671

    220woof671 Fapstronaut

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    340 Days (+) is EXCELLENT :)

    Yes, acknowledge the void (deal with reality).

    But then take some normal steps toward filling that void with:
    your favorite hobbies; exercise; listen to your favorite songs, etc.
    Then you will be happier.
     
  3. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    I didn't know Exdeath was in NoFap. "Past and future all return to the Void".

    As a person who is in the Void, you will get used to it eventually, but if you do, you might never be able to function properly again. Never cast away hope and live on with pride, don't ever become like me.
     
  4. AK_BLUR

    AK_BLUR Fapstronaut

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    like you? What do you mean?
    If you could elaborate may be i can skim an answer out of it.

    'Cast away hope and live on with Pride' : Hope is There, but it is not the Pride which is becoming an Hindrance, it is I think the fear of falling down again.
     
  5. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    It has been more than a year since I entered a phase of apathy and I find very hard to find any kind of enjoyment. The longer I stay like this, the harder it becomes to return back to normal. I also would like to have one last conversation with the one I thought would stay will me durning all my life, but she is gone and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it but accept it. I accepted it far too late and now I pay for it. Feel pride that you lost your virginity with someone you loved and not to a payed prostitute.
     
  6. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut

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    I have a friend who would like to be friends with benefits but I know if I let he in my life like that I will fall into the into a bad cycle because I looking for love and she just wants to fuck. So this post kind of resonated with me. I get the whole hanging out with her once a month thing, like you like her but you don't want to get caught up in a toxic relationship. Thanks for sharing :)
     

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