Accountability

Hello my brothers I have a little story. First off I hope you have seen a post of mine. Especially one where I mention my love, it all brings this together for a point. For me it’s one person I choose to focus on truly. In terms of being my honest self, that is or guess was my person. The bond is not severed just strayed apart but that doesn’t matter. Each day I find myself coming back to that center. Focusing on my life in that light to heal from my own sickness I call it. I smiled often today and felt rather imbued by that spirit. Felt that warmth dance around me even if it was just myself. Today I wandered out for a quick trip, I remained peaceful and pleasant. I had little fantasies of the life I desire, hands together my fingers entangled with hers. It was so brief but a girl my age I suppose caught my eyes. I admit I looked at her ass then looked away. Looking back I saw her but my eyes didn’t care to linger. I thought to myself “what am I doing” I pulled away from the store and drove home. So minor, not even worth it to mention but it’s important. To me I thought to myself on the ride home that why would I be interested in her? Why would I have that thought if I already promised myself to someone else. As I said it was lust first, my intentions were clear even if my mind kept talking. You understand even something small has an effect. My mind now not upset with her, not having a negative thing to think. I said man it would be nice if she had someone too. I needed to counteract that selfish look, to see her as a person for a moment. To understand the sequence, I don’t need to be looking when I’ve already found my love. I don’t ever need to feel upset that I can’t pursue someone. It’s a devotion you yourself makes, only you are to blame if it doesn’t work. It’s easy to just say nothing matters, that we don’t have any control so why bother? Fine if it works for you but I never felt purpose when I told myself there wasn’t one. Damn you too if you think life is so good that we can take it off and lounge around day after day. If everyone did that what the hell is gonna happen? We look to technology to make our lives easier, for what? We take the sickness directly and it’s called medicine. It’s entertainment to expand your mind. Bullshit, we keep look for someone to save us. To sit us down and tell us we are good enough. Everyday it hurts for what I promised. Shit sometimes it seems pointless, but that’s the trap. People will tell you to give up before they tell you to stick it out. Everyone wants to be rich but have no idea how to sustain it. Sure I want money, but unless I do something to really make it, I’m here and I’m fine. If it’s the allure of the dollar that keeps you up at night, what the hell are you waiting for. I’m sitting around here waiting like a dog, my mind so set that I don’t even see another way. I would fucking rather die than see the day where I turn my back. For what? What else is there but our passions inside? Come try and take it away, do whatever you want to me. I can be taken down by a single bullet, but that bullet have a time finding me. I carry my story in my pocket so they would have to see when they rob my pockets. My love will live on no matter what. I write and write here because I will have my place. I care for you brothers and to send a message of hope when the world seems so hopeless. Thank you