Abstaining makes me want to cheat

Thanks for posting this, TheCracker. I've struggled too with cheating fantasies. I found it didn't have to do with lack of attraction, as I'm still very much attracted to my wife. But what would trigger those thoughts was either novelty or frustration. When I'm feeling bored or stuck with life, then somehow I think a fling might somehow break that feeling. Or if I feel my wife is distant, and rather than talk with her about relationship concerns, I fantasize that an affair would somehow make me feel better about that discomfort or lonely feelings. It's taken me awhile to figure out that my cheating fantasies are driven off of my own insecurities. I want to constantly feel loved, desired, enlivened. And when I'm not feeling that, I start to imagine cheating would somehow give me a quick fix of intense emotion that happens with a stranger or new relationship.

But I know that cheating brings with it a whole host of new problems and would likely become very destructive and put me and my wife in a much more difficult place. I've found if I make some effort to reconnect with my spouse, even if I think she is the one being distant, it usually improves things if I'm patient enough. But if I hold onto resentments and withdraw my love and attention out of spite, I'm typically hurting myself as well. I have found that attraction in a relationship can be rekindled if I put my ego aside and nurture it. Wishing you good luck and all the best!

 

I see your point, the cracker. I have never cheated on my girlfriends and I've always been proud of that. Still, reading your account, i start thinking I can't take credit for that. I was too much involved in PMO to cheat on them with a real person, I cheated on them with porn (a much easier and convenient choice).
It makes sense for you to be more prone to cheating once you give up PMO. I know I would be, as the major outlet for sexual release would suddenly disappear and a spike of sex drive would require urgent fulfillment in a different, more exciting way.
Best of luck

 

Glad that I found this thread guys, I too struggle with feeling this urge. I have been married to my wife only 7 months but have been with her for many years, we have a wonderful relationship, quality sex and we are best friends, we also lost our virginity to each other. I have never cheated on her and I think if I did the guilt would eat me inside out. However I still can't stop fantasising about what it would be like to be with another woman. Part of me knows this is so wrong, part of me knows it is natural to feel this way but I just can't get over it, it's so distracting, I just want to be happy and appreciate what I have!

I am hoping that abstaining from PMO is going to help these feelings and urges in the long term, but at the moment it feels like it's just making these urges worse, maybe you found that too Cracker?
However I know that porn and masturbation promotes the chasing of novelty partners (coolidge effect) and the formation of unrealistic and unattainable fantasies, not to mention a near unsatisfiable appetite for orgasm. All of these things really don't help the situation at all.

So basically if I'm feeling like what I have is not enough it's because I have conditioned my own mind to crave what actually no woman can give it. It's a case of 'the grass is always greener on the other side' Guess you've really got to play it out in your mind and weigh up what is most important in life.... chasing after a few seconds of muscle contractions.... or an intimate, rewarding and lasting companionship.

Markguy is right about this comment........

It's totally normal I think to feel that curiosity for other parteners, it's when you hold on to and try to posess those fantasies that things get difficult. Keep going with Nofap Cracker, I think you gotta push through the initial discomfort of craving to reap the rewards, and it will reward you with a newfound appreciation for your partner...... "Too many times, people sabotage their lives by using their energy in fantasizing rather than LIVING!"