About porn, masturbation and submissive tendencies

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ultrafabber, Jun 3, 2019.

Did you have submissive tendencies? (includes wanting the woman to take charge)

  1. Never

    5 vote(s)
    22.7%
  2. Rarely

    1 vote(s)
    4.5%
  3. Most of the time

    14 vote(s)
    63.6%
  4. All the time

    2 vote(s)
    9.1%
  1. ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    I think there is a significant correlation between submissiveness and all things PMO related. I've been following anti-pmo forums for a while and time and time again i've noticed so many people complaining about addiction to cuckold stuff, sissy stuff, femdom, joi (jerk off instructions) stuff, people with transvestism and even hocd and many more.

    I think all of those are a manifestation of the same thing - submissiveness, even if it comes in various shapes or forms.

    In my case for example, even if i didn't have those specific issues, i noticed i still needed and sought clips or scenarios where the women took charge or at the very least were more mature and experienced and more willing than normal. I also needed a lot of feedback from women during sex and i was extremely concerned about their pleasure first, to the point where mine didn't even matter. If i liked a girl, i always waited for her to hit on me or give me a very clear signal. I qualify those as submissive tendencies also, it was a renunciation and an escape from the biological and traditional role of the male, a role i didn't want to or could not accept.

    I think that masturbation with or without porn (masturbation to porn being worse cause it's basically cuckoldry) plays into that, in the sense that we masturbate so we don't have to own up to our biological role with women, preferring to be passive instead. When you think about it, the act of masturbation itself is passive both fundamentally and technically, as you, the man, just sits there and the hand or "woman" is doing the work.

    The interesting thing i noticed is that even when i was ejaculating, i was "passive" for a lack of better wording. I never did it purposely, i always "gave up" and let it happen by itself.

    I was wondering how broad these submissive tendencies are for people that PMO.
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2019
  2. Orest

    Orest Fapstronaut

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    very broad! men in todays society are emasculated,first of all because of porn2)they dont have a lot of role models to draw out from3) feminism 4)PC-Culture 5)they dont have meaning in their lives and the only thing that can give them meaning is to adopt responsibilities
     
  3. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    May be triggering

    This is a very interesting post. I have to say that because of porn I am still confused about my submissive tendencies. When I was looking for porn, it was almost always submissive stuff. I have furry and animal transformation fetish and common motiff for transformation porn was submission - dominating woman forcing change on the guy and guy initially reluctantly, then enthusiastically accepting. I watched gender transformation porn (male to female mostly), sissy porn, crossdressing, petplay, I was masturbating anally, I went through hocd or something similar (I had a period of homosexual fantasies).

    What I have noticed is that I looked in porn usually for more extreme stuff than I was imagining myself being comfortable with irl. Porn takes you to extremes. In "pornographic" fantasies I am as submissive as possible, but in more normal fantasies after periods of abstaining from porn I am more of a switch. The same applies to my preferences of women - in porn I prefer dominating ones, but romantically I prefer more feminine or hard on the outside but sensitive inside.

    Thankfully my fetishes are fading slowly. Furry thing is still here (but this is innate, so I hope rather to control it, instead of getting rid of it completely, because this is probably not possible) and from submissive spectrum pegging. I can feel anal pleasure and sissy porn messed me and I thought I might be bisexual, gay or trans for a brief period but later on I realised that it was only escalation and the only way to get anal sex that I am comfortable with as a straight guy is pegging. I have a desire to sometimes instead of penetrating, be penetrated, reverse roles, feel anal instead of penile pleasure. What also changed is that in porn pegging and submissive anal is almost always doggy style, but now I just want normal sex but with pleasure in different place and with more submissive role. I am no longer into crossdressing, I sometimes have fantasies about wearing parts of lingerie, but no longer of complete feminization. I am not sure if this is who I am, maybe it is a phase on the road to total recovery. I work to be better man, I always felt that extreme submission is damaging my masculinity, maybe all those fetishes will fade.
     
    starsky2 and Brown Boy like this.
  4. Freedom_from_PMO

    Freedom_from_PMO Fapstronaut

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    I think that this is more complicated. Feminism and pc culture are discouraging men from being heads of families and leaders, the relation to sexuality is indirect.

    I think that summission is connected to loneliness and rejection. People are doing such crazy things like sissification or findom to feel accepted. Loneliness is tied to absence of fathers and distrust between the sexes in post #metoo world.
     
    starsky2 and chapuleta like this.
  5. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    I think you might be on to something
     
    ultrafabber likes this.
  6. chapuleta

    chapuleta Fapstronaut

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    Read about my history with porn and what are you saying is what is happenig with me.

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/femdom-crush-fetish-cuckold-and-other-stuff.235521/
     
  7. Orest

    Orest Fapstronaut

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    i agree with what you say,but only because ive seen the same patterns of loneliness in these threads...
     

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