A Tough Reality

Jodokus · Aug 28, 2015

Well said, Iyad!
Zero Tolerance policy for ourselves - I'm in!
The way I treat my porn-addcition since joining NoFap is the way I should treat all my self-made problems. But one step at a time.

Regarding the poll I'd like to mention that every relapse I had since I joined NoFap (4 is the number) I learned something. Of course it's better not to relapse. But if you do there's a reason for it. If you find out that reason and take the right action you will be stronger than before.

PORN KILLS LOVE

lyad3618 · Aug 28, 2015

Jodokus said: ↑

Well said, Iyad!
Zero Tolerance policy for ourselves - I'm in!
The way I treat my porn-addcition since joining NoFap is the way I should treat all my self-made problems. But one step at a time.

Regarding the poll I'd like to mention that every relapse I had since I joined NoFap (4 is the number) I learned something. Of course it's better not to relapse. But if you do there's a reason for it. If you find out that reason and take the right action you will be stronger than before.

PORN KILLS LOVE
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Absolutely Jodokus, the key is knowledge, learning from our successes and setbacks, what works, and what did not work so well, what triggers an urge, etc. so
that we are vigilant next time it comes up. "Alert, alert, trigger in sight, a hot chick in a bikini on the left quadrant, evasive action, evasive action EYES RIGHT ". I mean it's no joke, most of us men are 'walking penises', because we are more instinctive towards sex than women are, naturally, and VISUALLY. Porn just exacerbates these sensations 10000000 times over.

Fight on my friend, ZERO TOLERANCE.

lyad3618 · Aug 28, 2015

8BitsOfStuggling said: ↑

First I want to say thank you for taking the time to read, I hope it hits home and helps you. I wanted to address a few things in your response. Yes this is not "supposed" to be a religious form, but I invoke those responses by my own signature and I welcome your statement.

Now, onto the meat. I wanted to say that if I used the term "goal" in the first post, than I misused it. I am a huge advocate for what you explained above, bite size pieces. For that reason, I try to tell people to focus on it as a milestone never a goal. Just like alcoholics set milestones, the 12 step program, that is what NoFap should be too. For instance, a goal is me saying by the end of 2020 I want to do a backflip on my scooter. Now, that is all hankydory and wonderful, however as irrelevant as it is I will never be doing a backflip but that is beside my point. The idea is that once I do that backflip, where am I going next? I set my goal and now it limits me because I didn't set it to far out. On the contrary, what if I set my goal to do a pentafrontflip by 2020, well that just isn't realistic so I am going to burn out. If we set the goal to small, we limit, if we set it to high than we burnout. Milestones however, are just mile markers to be celebrated along the way.

Myself, I have begun entertaining as much time to this site as I initially had, I thought maybe I was strong enough to lean off it a little, and I was. However, this last 3 days I have had huge urges, my libido has been incredibly high. As I read your post, it reminded me that I need to continue to pay attention to my milestones and continue to update them. I have the tools, I need to use them. I haven't relapsed, but I have come close and come close to looking up P. But I chose not to, I distracted myself, and I walked away from it. But man was that a miserable time to fight. As you reiterated though a zero tolerance policy is what is going to really help me recover. I need to continue to do that. I stumbled upon the STAR acronym today from another users post and I am so glad I did.

To conclude my post, I thank you again for reading. I truly hope it stays beneficial to you and that you are able to push on through temptations. Nobody said beating an addiction was easy, but I am almost 40 days now and while the urges have seemed nearly impossible the past couple days, it isn't the first time these have wanted to control me, but I hope that I can continue to work toward it being the last time. Then I will have achieved my goal. Until then, days, resisting, and everything in between are just milestones to celebrate.
Click to expand...

8BitsOfStuggling said: ↑

First I want to say thank you for taking the time to read, I hope it hits home and helps you. I wanted to address a few things in your response. Yes this is not "supposed" to be a religious form, but I invoke those responses by my own signature and I welcome your statement.

Now, onto the meat. I wanted to say that if I used the term "goal" in the first post, than I misused it. I am a huge advocate for what you explained above, bite size pieces. For that reason, I try to tell people to focus on it as a milestone never a goal. Just like alcoholics set milestones, the 12 step program, that is what NoFap should be too. For instance, a goal is me saying by the end of 2020 I want to do a backflip on my scooter. Now, that is all hankydory and wonderful, however as irrelevant as it is I will never be doing a backflip but that is beside my point. The idea is that once I do that backflip, where am I going next? I set my goal and now it limits me because I didn't set it to far out. On the contrary, what if I set my goal to do a pentafrontflip by 2020, well that just isn't realistic so I am going to burn out. If we set the goal to small, we limit, if we set it to high than we burnout. Milestones however, are just mile markers to be celebrated along the way.

Myself, I have begun entertaining as much time to this site as I initially had, I thought maybe I was strong enough to lean off it a little, and I was. However, this last 3 days I have had huge urges, my libido has been incredibly high. As I read your post, it reminded me that I need to continue to pay attention to my milestones and continue to update them. I have the tools, I need to use them. I haven't relapsed, but I have come close and come close to looking up P. But I chose not to, I distracted myself, and I walked away from it. But man was that a miserable time to fight. As you reiterated though a zero tolerance policy is what is going to really help me recover. I need to continue to do that. I stumbled upon the STAR acronym today from another users post and I am so glad I did.

To conclude my post, I thank you again for reading. I truly hope it stays beneficial to you and that you are able to push on through temptations. Nobody said beating an addiction was easy, but I am almost 40 days now and while the urges have seemed nearly impossible the past couple days, it isn't the first time these have wanted to control me, but I hope that I can continue to work toward it being the last time. Then I will have achieved my goal. Until then, days, resisting, and everything in between are just milestones to celebrate.
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Hi 8BitsOfStuggling,

Thanks for your prompt reply. I believe that many of us on this forum relate to your approach. The reality is that there are many different levels of maturity, commitment, trauma, and other factors in people's lives, and these factors will influence the results. One thing is clear to me: Unless we approach this addiction as waging war against our minds, which is where the root cause of the problem/addiction is, the fact that our brain was reprogrammed/rewired to keep pleasure coming at all costs, and learn how to do so intelligently, we are powerless.

I am Catholic Christian, and for many years have felt the guilt of my life's contradictions, going to Church and trying to be the best husband, father and friend I can be,
while at the same living a 'secret life' in PMO. I do believe that one has to believe in something bigger and much more powerful than ourselves. It gives me hope that
there will be a better tomorrow, ALWAYS WITH MY EFFORT behind it.

On the other hand, if we do not dedicate the rest of our lives to learn how to conquer this malady within our hearts and minds, no matter what our ages, we will
continue to repeat the same mistakes that lead us to relapses, that keep us weak in front of the challenges that this addiction presents. It has to begin with us not
giving ourselves permission to fail, ZERO TOLERANCE for PMO at any level for that leaves the door forever open. "A chain is as strong as its weakest link" someone said
a long time ago. We all are that weakest link, therefore we must learn to become stronger mentally, physically and emotionally, and over time, the rest will take of
itself.

The mind is playing games with us, it is tricking us into behaving the way it wants because it was conditioned to do so, it wants us to act out and in doing so, we become numb to the damage we inflict upon ourselves and others around us: "Come on man, another day of PMO is not going to hurt you" and so it goes. We must COMBAT this addiction with knowledge and ZERO TOLERANCE, one day at a time, and we will prevail.

Thanks for your insights. I welcome them anytime.

'Apply your heart to instruction, and your ears to words of knowledge": Proverbs 23:12

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A Tough Reality

Jodokus Fapstronaut

lyad3618 Fapstronaut

lyad3618 Fapstronaut