A Site that Kinda Disagrees with NoFap

My quick thoughts are: Who posted those comments - they are not named! Who runs that web page, there is no about!

 

There will always be people who disagree but personal experience triumphs people's opinions.

 

In some ways they're actually right. Now I'll preface this by saying that I'm not claiming to be an expert by any means. However, look how many threads there are in the "Success stories" section by people who reached a goal (30 days, 90 days, whatever) only to relapse shortly after. There is more to recovery than "just stopping PMO". This is why I have failed so many times. I haven't looked deeply enough at the root causes of my issues. These are things I'll be trying to explore in the future.

As far as trackers are concerned, I have one on my phone. You can download a free app called "Days Since", which will keep track of PMO or any other event. I have it to look at occasionally, but I don't think about obsessing about days really helps all that much. I think there are two things we really need to be doing:

1. Changing how we think about women and sex. We all know this on the outside, but it's much more difficult and requires a lot more discipline to actually change our habits here. What led you to porn in the first place? What keeps you coming back to it? These are things that need to be addressed.

2. Start creating a new life to replace porn. This process is a bit like going on a diet to lose weight. Sure, you can skip a couple of meals, but if you aren't changing *what* you put into your mouth, you'll only go back to old habits. We need to start putting better things into our minds and our bodies if we are to truly kick this habit for good.

Now having said all that, I acknowledge that there are plenty of people on this site who have done the things mentioned above and have changed their lives. Perhaps the other site has an overly simplistic view of nofap. However, all of my failures have convinced me that I need something stronger than the old "Just do a 90 day reboot" advice.

 

This is a dam great article!

Good quotes:
"On top of that, it means that you may not ask yourself why you feel the need to escape in the first place since you’re so wrapped up in the symptoms of your problems rather than the cause."

This is important, you can't just quit pmo and expect girls to be bouncing on your dick. Or to become a master in a passion because of your "superpowers." You have to allocate your time to finding what GIVES YOUR LIFE MEANING.

I do feel that not masturbating and abstaining makes you feel better overall though.

"The whole point of your recovery isn’t to go a certain amount of consecutive days without porn, masturbation or orgasm. The point is to rewire your brain and regain complete function of your penis so that you can have sex with real people. Don’t lose sight of that!"

Wise words.

 

I think the article you linked makes great points. What the author misses is that a lot of folks here would agree with him. For example, less computer time is a good idea, as is looking at what the real problem is that leads us to porn and masturbation.

 

The article is alright, and it indeed makes some good points, but it is a little one-sided. What the author completely misses is the circumstance that different people often need different approaches.

Congrats to anyone who can do it that way, but our psyche usually isn't that simple. The body doesn't forget. I must say that I even started my NoFap journey in a similar way and went for 8 months hard mode straight. However, I always reminded myself of my little problem, viewing porn addiction as a hole that I climbed out of, but that I still need to watch out for so I won't fall into it again. The problem with the above statement is that a little moment of weakness could lead you to a relapse.

While the first two sentences are true, I disagree with what comes afterwards. Does this mean we should continue to watch porn until that suppressed childhood trauma pops up in our mind again, understand this trauma, eliminate it from our psyche and only then quit porn? I'm exaggerating a little, but I hope you get my point. This statement doesn't make any sense. The bigger problems might as well manifest to us by themselves once we stop drugging our brains and do what's good for us in the present rather than trying to analyze us.

The good thing is that our counter automatically counts the days, so we don't have to do it every day. I think the counter doesn't play that much of an actual role in that respect.

True! But I'd say it's not only about having sex with real people. You can expand the whole concept to a lot more

 

I do agree with that counting days is pointless and a bit childish, to be honest. All this "streak mentality" actually constitutes in itself the grounds for relapsing in the future. Plus, it's rather silly to think that you are back where you started if you happen to relapse on day 30. That is entirely untrue, and this notion probably generates a lot of placebo negative effects among young people - the sense of failure reinforces depression and frustration from having "wasted" a 30-day streak.

 

This john guy who wrote that article obviously failed and gave up trying to beat his addiction. What a dweeb.

 

Just so we're all aware, the guy who wrote that article is actually selling a book that he says will help in quitting this addiction. https://sexualreboot.com/stop-porn/ His motivation may explain some of his comments about nofap, but FWIW, I still think he raises some good points.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm struggling with this too, and I suspect a lot of other guys are too. Having failed to quit this addiction repeatedly over the last seven years (yes, I have been trying for that long!), I have realised that simply relying on willpower and/or effort isn't enough.

I think the problem is that we've been conditioned from an early age to chase after sex and put it on a pedestal. Look at our culture, it's everywhere! Now I'm not saying that sex is bad or that sexual thoughts are evil, but it's maybe 1-2% of your life. There's a lot of other stuff that's far more important, yet our culture drills it into us that a short-term high generated by a sexual encounter will make our break our lives. Now this is very obviously BS, but when we have it drilled into our minds constantly, we start to pick up on it.

I think that's part of the reason this addiction is so difficult for so many people to quit. It's not helped by people in the PUA community and other sections of the media who boast about how much sex they're supposedly having (how do we even know if they're telling the truth or not?). We start to think that we're somehow missing out on something if we're not having sex on a regular basis, and having struggled with porn addiction for so many years (as well as wasting probably thousands of dollars on escorts), I'm absolutely convinced this is not healthy.

Now as I said, I think sex is a perfectly natural desire to have. There's nothing wrong with thinking sexual thoughts about women (or whomever you're attracted to). But you need to be aware that their sex appeal is only a small part of the overall person, and hopefully any relationship you have with a woman will be based on a lot more than just sex.

I think what we truly need to do is let go of this attachment we have with sex. Start seeing it as merely the icing on the cake, rather than the whole cake itself. Learn to enjoy interactions with women (or indeed anybody) whether or not there is any possibility of sex. If you end up having great sex, treat it as a bonus.

Now as I said, I'm struggling with this as much as anyone is. Clearly, it's not easy, but nothing worth doing ever is.

 

Wise words, sir.

The thing with this NoFap community is that it's secular and tolerates different, often contradictory human attitudes towards sex. Some people here do it for the pleasing of their god, in whatever form it may come, while others do it simply to be able to score that hot blonde at a party, without fear of underperformance. Now, I'm not saying either of the attitudes is good or bad - but I also don't see exactly how those two examples of personality types would ever come to a solid understanding in terms of their deep, underlying reasons for abstinence.

We could say that it's the common goal that unites different people here. But then - shouldn't our goal be deeper than just going 90 days without wanking?

I guess it probably should, but let's just keep it on this level - that is, until we decide on going further in our lives than counting how many days we have made it without watching strange people in a paid intercourse performed in front of a camera.

 

The article makes some interesting points, but bear in mind it's promoting another site about quitting P and M. In other words, it's a case of bad-mouthing the competition.

 

Hi all.

I've just read the article. It makes some good points, but I feel it also paints NoFap in a very narrow way.

People who focus on the number of days on their counter & whose lives become a mere white nuckle ride as they desperately try to get through another day without PMO, are ultimately doomed to failure.

The article is correct regarding on the following - this whole exercise is not primarily about avoiding PMO - it's about breaking the PMO habit for enough time to allow our minds to rewire, thus laying the groundwork for us to have enjoyable, intimate & fulfilling sex with a real live human being that we care about.

It's about reaching the point where we no longer the PMO-induced dopamine fix, but rather seek enjoyment & relaxation in more creative, connective ways.

However, to say that NoFap does not encourage members to look deeper at the reasons why they developed a PMO addiction & the things that are sustaining it, is untrue. Anyone who spends time on here will realise that we have to start dealing with our core issues.

That's why I have the 3-circle exercise linked in my signature. It's one tool amongst a number, for helping us to understand our addiction, what puts us at risk & the positive things we should be doing more of, to help us build the life we want.

NoFap emerged out of a real need amongst PMO addicts. It's not a cure-all & it's only as effective as the community of people out of which it is made.

Breaking the neck of the PMO monster is a milestone on our life's journey - not the destination.

More power to the NoFap community.

T22.

 

NoFap is the only forum anyone needs.
When multiple help forums start popping up it begins to feel like a product

 

The thing we need to remember as well is that NoFap is fluid.

It's made up of intelligent individuals & if there needs to be more content around the reasons for relapsing, defining life goals & sticking to them or whatever, that can be done!

All things are possible.

T22.

 

I can see it both ways.

In some cases, the pressure of a streak can be harmful; and losing a long streak can bring some people pretty low.

On the other hand, having a streak to maintain can help prevent a relapse; it certain has for me.

In short, I think it's good if it helps; but when it becomes a burden, slough it off.

 

So, when do you stop counting days, then? On day 1000? And what then? In my mind, the very idea of a streak already conveys in itself the idea of ending it. It is the nature of a streak that it can't last forever.

But, then, it also stems out of one of the ideas of this website - the "90 day challenge", " Try not to do it for 90 days and see what happens". That, I guess, only works for really severely addicted individuals, and doesn't make any sense for people who simply want to desexualize their lives FOR GOOD, and it doesn't matter to them what happens after 90 days, because they principally just want to give up the thing altogether and forget about it.

 

I think the article makes some good points about what PMO recovery is all about, but having spent quite a bit of time on here over the last month, I see all those things reflected here.

For people who feel they have no hope of breaking their addiction, NoFap can be an absolute life-line. The fun, "we can do this" attitude - free of religious undertones - makes it very accessible to A LOT of people.

However, there does come a time when counting the days can become counter-productive. I know from personal experience that blowing it after 7 months of clean time can leave one feeling very demotivated to get back on the horse.

As someone once said, it's about growth & progress, not perfection.

NoFap is still very young, but it has grown incredibly fast. It will read articles like this one & learn from it > adapt > become more effective.

In short, this is great growth food for NoFap.

Big thanks to the writer.

T22.