A note about shame

Many of us with PMO addiction experience a lot of shame before/during/after we lose our time. Or shame before/during/after the act of PMO itself. Or shame even when we have a lot of time. :}

The thing we can all remember is that WE are the COURAGEOUS ONES. We struggle and sometimes we fuck up. We struggle, and often time it's just a guessing game how we got here, why we got here, will we always be here...and so on.

But at least we are here. Trying. And supporting.

MOST people in this world DONT try and get better. Whether it's PMO, overeating, overshopping, sex, cocaine, meth, gambling, television, internet. Most people are denying they are using SOMETHING(s) to be numb about their own insecurities, resentments, anger, frustration, ego, etc.

There's no such thing as an absolutely healthy human being.

So when you feel shame about being addicted to porn, remember that simply being HERE means you are an addict IN RECOVERY. There's a huge huge difference. And there's rarely recovery without slipping. Slipping is part of the process. Some people need several years in order to start getting real time under their belt. Who cares. The fact that you still come back, that you have perseverance...that's the courage most people DONT have.

You are the Luke Skywalker or Galleleo or Christopher Columbus of this stuff. You are the hero who has to confront the darkness in order to come out the other side. Most people? They prefer to live in denial. They surf Facebook for hours...getting depressed that their friends and family must have better lives...or they binge drink on the weekends...or they cheat on their girlfriend...but they see their situations as normal and healthy.

We PMO addicts at least have the decency to not hurt more people than ourselves. I mean, it's not TOTALLY true. My PMO addiction has hurt my wife, but now that I am in recovery, she understands. But look at PMO as almost a blessing. It's gotten you through some pretty serious whatever...trauma, loneliness, etc.

PMO probably saved your life, because without it...you might have committed suicide or become a terrible alcoholic and killed some kids in a car accident. But you didn't. You jerked off wayyyyyyyyyy too much to porn, but you kept your addiction to self-inflicted wounds (for the most part).

And now? You can learn tools to help manage your anxieties and loneliness and fears and depression...manage them perfectly? Of course not. But manage them AT LEAST as good as PMO did? Of course!

So remember...there's a big difference between GUILT and SHAME. GUILT = I did a bad thing. SHAME = I am a bad person. None of us should have shame here. Guilt? Sure. I can feel guilty for breaking my abstinence and then make a commitment to turn it around. But am I a bad person? No. Because I am not one-dimensional. I am a three-dimensional human being. I might have broken my abstinence, but I also helped others, I am committed to recovery, I recognize that I can always work harder and try new things. Etc.

And remember humor.